Hello, I am sorry you feel this way. He might have been nervous on how you'd react by knowing he has been with a guy, and that is why he didn't tell you. However, it seems like there could be a trust issue between you two since he didn't tell you and you feel this way about him. It is a big issue that he has been using. Is he still using or is he trying to get clean?

I wouldn't try to assume his sexuality since I think that could cause more problems with the relationship, and based on what your said it doesn't seem to indicate he is gay. You guys got married for a reason and try to remember those. I think maybe you should try to have a conversation with him and talk about how you feel in regards to having a conversation. It might be helpful to talk to him about how you feel he might be distant and how you feel it is hard to have a conversation.

Obviously you know your relationship best, and there seems to be issues in your relationship that you guys could try to talk about. If you feel like something is wrong, there is a good chance there is. I hope everything works out for you and things get better.

You most definitely married the wrong guy.

Whether he’s gay or bi, but is he still using?

We all have to decide for ourselves what level of manipulation and lying we are willing to take from our partners, spouses, lovers, friends. So what if he is gay? Does this change how the marriage is for you? What if he is bisexual? Does this change how the marriage is for you? Are you getting STD checks? I think now is the time to figure out what you want in life and make the changes that you need to live a good life. Best wishes to you.

It does sound like you married the wrong guy.... You said you asked him several times before you got married if he was gay so something was telling you that maybe he was then

It sounds like there are huge trust issues..... Would you consider marriage therapy to see if you can both decide if the marriage can make it and why the trust issues??

Big hug.... This would hurt if it's so.....xo

It is wrong which happened with you in your marriage. You asked him but he didn't respond you was not tolerable at all. This is really is a trust issues with u and your partner. But you can take it as what if he is gay? Does this change how the marriage is for you and you can move on with him things can get better with time.

I think you should take advice from your family too and then should go for a decision. At last, the family members and your husband are the important people whom the result will effect upon.

Huh?

It may be that your husband has had people judge him for his sexuality in the past and that is why he was hesitant to admit that he is interested in men to you. However, that does not excuse his behavior. Is he currently using and do you think he is continuing to see other men? Cheating is not healthy in a relationship and will only lead to more issues down the road. In addition, you should likely get checked for stds.

An acquaintance of mine is married to a gay man and somehow they made it work. They communicate very well and he is open with her about seeing other men. Unfortunately, he was not practicing safe sex and gave her the bad strain of HPV so now she lives in constant fear of cervical cancer.

Don't let that be you! Keep yourself safe. The only suggestion I can think of is to ask him to please sit with you when you know he isn't busy and try to communicate your feelings to him as best as you can. Ask him everything on your mind and if he is unwilling to answer you or discuss anything, remember this is a red flag. Wishing you the best!

I think marrying someone under false pretenses is a big deal. Had he been open and they mutually agreed upon the terms of their relationship, that’s different.

He actually may be in complete denial about his sexuality if he is in fact gay or bi. I do wonder if his past drug use involved sex with men (sex for dugs) so that’s why I asked about his using. But maybe not. It just could be he is into dudes.

I was married to a man who had some confusion about his sexuality. It is a long story, but my advice is to get divorced. We can’t change our sexual preferences.

I think exploring is one thing but it does sound like he’s gay. And he’s not being honest with you or yourself. Honesty is the key to a healthy relationship. It doesn’t sound like he’s honest It may not be his fault but
, he needs to have a serious look at himself.

Thank You Everyone for your comments. Some of the points,I agree with and it was very useful to me.I wanted an outside opinion besides my own.