Healthy Relationships Support Group

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Love is True?

Kay.Loves.God
Kay.Loves.God

I am hopeful that one day God will allow me to cross paths with someone who will be just right for me, but at the same time, i can’t help but feel like i should stop caring about it...


There are a lot of things that i struggle with internally, and I’ve been trying to improve certain things about myself, like my self esteem, for example... but some things i just don’t know how to change. Like how do i change my perception about men and just people in general? 


I’m fully aware that all men aren’t evil sex-obsessed beasts. However, i feel like Most of the men that I’ve come across typically try to have sex with me fairly quickly. And if i try to let them know that i would rather wait, they try to convince me or even manipulate me into doing it anyways. 


I admit, I’ve made a lot of mistakes when it comes to my dating life. I’ve done things to some of my past boyfriends that I’m not proud of. But I’ve also had things done to me. And now i just don’t know how i can improve or heal the scars that have left me mentally damaged. 


I still meet men here and there and go on dates, but tbh I don’t ever go on a date with anyone expecting anything from it. However, i go on the dates with optimisim anyways, always telling myself that “i have to give them a chance”. But in a sense, I sometime feel like what’s the point if i know there will never be a second date?


Idk, after I got saved and turned my life around, I have made a commitment to God and to myself to wait to have sex with the next guy until we’re married. But sometimes i feel like maybe I’m just not good enough to wait for....

patti22
patti22
I've raised my kids to be atheist, and so far, they've decided to stay with the beliefs that I've instilled in them. At 19, between school and work my son doesn't have much time to date yet, but beliefs...ARE an important part of a person.

Why wouldn't you, and my son, exchange such simple information with a potential date, and save yourselves a lot of heartache if those with different beliefs choose not to go out with you??


And no, not all men or all women are sex crazed beasts.

Your beliefs are your beliefs. Period. You don't have to defend them.

I don't know if you are a follower of one particular denomination, but whether you are or aren't....you might try visiting a number of the different churches around your area. Go to each for 4-6 weeks, and get to know the people there. Let people know that you're looking for someone to date. If nothing else, maybe you'd make same sex friends who share your beliefs and might be a support to you??

Anyway, just an idea.

Best of luck
rmb
rmb
I would try to stop caring about it for now. I mean, you are so young. What’s the real hurry? This time is for you, to develop a sense of self, have fun, hang out with your girl friends, etc. If there are lingering things from your past or within you, work on those things. If you believe in god, then you know god just wants you to be happy and well. If you need a therapist to talk to to work through some past trauma, do that. Just see this time as you becoming stronger, whole and healthy.
Ninja_Tonks
Ninja_Tonks
Most men are evil sex-obsessed beasts :P I'm PARTIALLY joking. The fact is that a lot of harmful ideas about sex are deeply deeply instilled in our culture, and very few men have escaped those ideas (like that they deserve sex, or that sex is the GOAL, or that all women should be available to them...etc.)

I agree with rmb. This is a good time to heal and work on yourself. Don't give up on your morals or beliefs.

It's a journey and you'll get there. You can find the right person for you. In the mean time, don't budge an inch on your morals or sense of self. You are worth it. You're right and they're wrong, so stick to your guns. Enjoy being single while you can! (haha.)

Also consider... are you waiting until marriage, as in, a piece of paper? Are you waiting for someone you can trust? Are you waiting to get to the point in a relationship where you know the two of you are devoted to one another? Things to think about. Much love to you!
rmb
rmb
I want to say too that by working on yourself, that doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you. There is NOTHING wrong with you. It’s really just taking time to take care of yourself, be comfortable in your skin without this added pressure of finding someone or dealing with people who may not be in the same place as you.

As far as changing your perceptions of men and people, that comes with healing and seeing yourself different first, I believe. Sometime perceptions are reality, so yeah there are some bad bad people out there but maybe it’s more about taking each person as they are and as you perceive them on an individual basis. So first, start with the self. Always start with how you see yourself and fine tune that so you forgive yourself, are kind to yourself and really know you are not just good enough, but ENOUGH period.
urbangardener
urbangardener
If you feel like you are not good enough to wait for, then this is projected and others see it. I believe you are good enough. It all starts within ourselves and what we believe about ourselves. Perhaps now is the time to challenge this self belief and figure out how to find self love and self value. If we think it, it often becomes our own prophecy about ourselves. I doubt my value and worth, so I attract users or people interested in manipulating me.
koolman
koolman
What is marriage? Friendship with sex. Yes, the clean Christian path is to wait until you're lawfully wed before family and friends under the eyes of God to have sex. I'm of the belief work on cultivating friendship first AND let physical feelings of affection, even lust, evolve organically as they will, or won't. What if you wait to get married to have sex only to realize the sex is bad, or nonexistent? Maybe you and your partner are good friends, but sexually you're not compatible. Then you're stuck in a sexless, physical affectionless marriage, which is worse than being alone and the only way out is divorce or death. Honest communication, talking, beforehand, about sexual desires, helps, but there's no substitute for actual physical experimentation.
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