Healthy Relationships Support Group

No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.

9,961 Members

13,641 Posts

2 Online

anxiousandparanoid1126 08/09/2018

Hi everybody,

I am writing this post because I no longer know what to do. I believe that I have a paranoid personality disorder, and that it is mostly apparent in my relationship with my fiance. I am 24 years old and we have been together since I was 18 and he was 22 (he is now 28).

Over the years, my insecurities and trust issues have manifested into extreme and constant paranoia about EVERYTHING he does and says. I am ashamed to even go into detail about the ridiculous measures I take in order to confirm that what he tells me is the truth. It is so crazy to me because I am completely aware of my paranoia and feel guilty about it during the day when we are both at our own jobs and I have the time to collect myself. But when I am around him and in the moment I have the uncontrollable need to get reassurance and confirm that he is being honest about every single little thing.

I have access to his phone records, his phone password, his email account and all of his social media. I do my best to not go through things, but even when I do there is absolutely nothing that I find that suggests him being dishonest or unfaithful. For the most part, I believe that he has been faithful to me throughout our relationship. But my paranoia and possibly OCD constantly sabotage me from being happy with him and appreciating him. It's as though I do not even live life anymore. I am constantly on my toes, searching for discrepancies and lies.

I know I sound like a total b*tch, and trust me I really do feel like one quiet often, but I am working on this every day and trying to gain understanding as to why I can't stop myself from repeating this behavior.

Any insight is truly appreciated.

enfieldguy 08/09/2018

I have the same issue if you don’t want to feel as alone

SunCloudJD 08/09/2018

Big hug for you anxiousand…… A personality disorder is just that a disorder so getting help for your illness will help a great deal

I would ask your family doctor for a psychiatric referral in order to get a diagnosis and from there seek appropriate treatment

Treatment may be multifaceted and your life can really turn around with the right help..... xo

An idea of treatment from Psych Central... I find this to be a good site

https://psychcentral.com/disorders/paranoid-personality-disorder/treatment/

Aronia 08/09/2018

Things don’t just doing out of control for no reason. I think the only way to combat this is to go back in time to when you weren’t suspicious and paranoid and identify the moment that changed your life .
I wouldn’t be able to handle someone checking my private life every moment.
I guess the most difficult question is - can you put his happiness ahead of your own?

rmb 08/09/2018

I agree completely with SunCloud. Whether it’s truly a personality issue or not I don’t know but regardless, it’s extreme and harming you. If you had the tools to stop, you would so don’t think it’s about putting your boy friend first. It’s about addressing whatever is going on with you so you don’t kill your relationship, and so you can live with some contentment and peace, because none of this feels good to you I’m sure.

I give you a lot of credit for recognizing how unhealthy this and trying to get your head around it. It really though will likely take some professional help but you will be better for it.

urbangardener 08/13/2018

The first step is recognizing that one's behavior is creating a negative life. Its not easy to say one needs help and sometimes it takes a while to find good help. Have you been diagnosed? I think getting professional help would clear the air and guide you into finding lasting help if you do have a personality disorder. I don't know how one fixes something big like this on one's own so I encourage you to find help. You sound like you want to improve yourself and that this makes you miserable. A better life can be yours as you are worth the hard work.

KCxo 09/30/2018

Girl I am EXACTLY the same so I feel your pain xx

patternskies 10/20/2018

sounds like being a control freak., and you are very insecure...it may not be paranoia at all

freetobeme1111 10/21/2018

Anxiousandparanoid, both my husband and I are somewhat the same. Although it is possible you are suffering from a disorder, it could also be that we live in times when it is so incredibly easy to cheat on someone without getting caught, and television and movies are generally focused on people cheating. So, we start to think that "everyone is doing it". Whatever the case, I agree that you should seek some professional guidance, even if you do not have the disorder. Analyzing the reasons sometimes helps a person look at things more objectively and rationally.

I wish you the best both in your relationship, and within yourself.

Join the Conversation

Posts You May Be Interested In

Hello Monday

Posted by: SunCloudJD

Last Reply: SunCloudJD 08/10/2026

4

Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
Dr. Appointment

Posted by: Sunshinegirl0228

Last Reply: Sunshinegirl0228 08/10/2026

3

Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.

Hello Monday

Dr. Appointment