Hi eli,

Could you share a little more information? It might help with what to advise.

Is this someone you date in person and they are now moving away, and how far away are they moving?

Or is this someone you are talking to online, but have not met in person yet?

I was in one for two years, many years ago when I was in my late 20s.. We lived in two different states. We met through a company I worked for at the time. We never lived in the same state; so we would visit each other every couple of months or so. At that time texting wasn’t a thing but we talked a couple times a week. We were serious about the relationship and each other. Neither of us were dating other people but it is hard to sustain a LDR. You have to really communicate and keep that other person in mind when each person is making decisions and plans even if when apart.

We were fortunate that we met each other we already lived far apart. I think it’s that much harder when your in a relationship where you see each other all the time and then one person moves. But either way, LDRs are really hard. In my case, he had just taken over his family business and I had found another job I really liked. He couldn’t move because of his business and I didn’t want to move since I was pretty happy with my new job and new company. So we were at a standstill and decided it was best to end things.

So that was my experience in a nut shell.

Me and my long distance SO text each other pretty often all day, every day. I tend to hate talking on the phone, but we do about once a week, just because its nice hearing the voice. I'm lucky enough to be close enough to her that we see each other one or two weekends a month.

I know of people who were deployed for long periods of time who had daily Skype/Zoom calls with their wives. That's something to think of too.

I’ve done a lot of ldr and I’ll be honest I will never do another one again! But I’m also in my mid 30s so I honestly don’t have the patience to do them anymore..

1. Communication
2. Set a date on closing the gap
3. Plan visits

It’s funny because I think it would be easier for me now in my 50s because I feel way more secure, and confident and solid in who I am and what I want. Plus I don’t sweat the stuff I used to, like back then when I just was figuring my life out. I don’t over think as much as I did when I was younger.

So I do think some of it really depends on where you are in your life and how you feel about yourself and your partner and ultimately that both people agree on the terms of the relationship. But it is not for every that is for sure. I sometimes wish my husband and I were in a LDR, haha!

I had a really serious one that ended in marriage and that didn't last... What I found was that you really stayed in the honeymoon stage a lot longer so I really didn't see who he was and I guess visa versa

I agree to have some plans in place for the future with regards to what comes next

By the same token my cousin fell in love with an American and moved to California and it's been a great success.... She was the one who gave up a lot for it to work though.... So some of it is what are you willing to do or what is he willing to do??

Hi, thank you guys for giving me some advice. This week I ended the long-distance relationship. I think it was the best choice because I could not keep up with work and school work since I am in college. It did not end on a bad note but I wish I could have talked to him face to face. I know he wanted the best and focus on education and work but I wish it would have been a different situation if he was here. I do not know how to cope with a break up any advice? As a 20-year-old, it is hard to focus on everything. I haven't talked to him but he send me a message and I do not know if I should answer it or not? I just felt this relationship was a bad timing on both ends....

If it wasn’t a toxic relationship then I do not see any reason not to continue a friendship with them

I just feel like I am that type of person who makes it awkward afterward. I never knew how to start a friendship with your ex. I don't know how to start. I know I will see him again over the summer and I know he was very comprehensive about it but I feel he didn't express his feelings as much as I thought he would

You don’t have to be friends right now or ever if you don’t want to. I was always one of those people that didn’t really feel it was necessary to become friends after a relationship, Some people say they want to be friends as a way of trying to soften things or because they feel bad about the break up. With time you may feel like you can be friends once you’ve kind of worked through the break up.

If you don’t want to answer his message right now it’s ok. Or if you want you can tell him you are just trying to focus right now on school. Totally up to you on how much you want to communicate.

You will be ok!

I decided to focus on myself because I realized that I am lacking self-love and that I am looking for that by getting into relationships. I needed to sit down and ask myself what do I need that I am not getting enough? It is hard to get that self-love after being in toxic relationships, I feel like I rushed into this relationship before taking into consideration if I was even ready. Thank you guys for giving me some advice. Have you guys ever felt like how I am feeling?

I have felt like that at times when I was younger and dating. Sometimes because all my friends were in relationships I put pressure on myself to be in a relationship which resulted in some not so great choices.

Some of the most growth I ever experienced was when I tried to just focus on understanding myself, my goals, my good friends, making new friends, etc.

You are very smart to recognize you may need to examine some things in yourself. That awareness is half the battle.

Hi Rmb, thank you for keeping talking to me and giving me advice. This past week I've been trying to focus on myself. I woke up one day and decided to talk to him and he blocked me, so I was hurt and confused at the same time. It really messed me up because I thought we had a good conversation about focusing on ourselves. Now I don't know what to do, he unblocks me again and I do not know what to do. Should I just keep focusing on myself or should I ask him why you block me? I'm confused, and I need advice.

I am sure the reason he blocked you was because you ended the relationship with him last week. Actually, he is trying to do what you two just talked about - focusing on yourselves. He is trying to move on, as you should be doing now, too.

It is too soon to even think about being friends. You can't really have it both ways. Break up with him and then still try to contact him. That is not fair to him. He needs time completely apart. I know you said you might run into him this summer. So give it a couple of months of not contacting him at all, completely. He needs to be alone right now. It would be the kind thing to do to give him the space he needs right now. Wait a few months, at least.

If you two are meant to be friends later on, then it will happen. In the meanwhile, concentrate on your school, your local friends, family, etc.

Don’t focus on him at all right now. It’s hard and you will have moments where you think about him, want to talk or it’s just plain painful. That will change over time.

Focus on you; that’s all you have control over.