Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
After 3 years of living together my partner and i are having bad problems. From day one i knew it was going to be hard. We always had a thing for each other but there was a lot about his situation i could not stand. For example his addiction for weed,porn(he would even watch it in class, some how at work , and multiple times a day) and alcohol,compulsive lieing ,short temper as well his lack of boundaries with people (specially women). I was very hesitant to get in a relationship with him because of this but he insisted a lot. He said i made him wana be a better person and i believed we had a chance. Through out our relationship our arguements are pretty much all about him relapsing and him thinking its okay to have half of the world call him babe, try and kiss him and stuff. I also felt torn because he would constantly lie to his family and i was never sure if to back him up, tell on him nor could i keep up with his lies sometimes. I probably sounds stupid but at the end of the day i always remembered his background( a very abusive family) and i feel stuck, un able to leave , still caring for him. I feel like our life is basically a cycle We argue about stupid or i catch him in a lie or he relapse . Blow things out of proportion, threaten to cheat on me , threaten to leave me , writes a note saying his leaving me, takes a bag of clothing with him, comes back later , sleeps on the couch for a while , i still have to balance school work and my regular chores including his lunch while he just works and sleeps . until he goes back to normal and pretends nothing happen . with time things have escalated in one occasion he choked me . right now things arent the best. I expressed to him how i felt i always got the short end of the stick because ive always looked out for him and he doesnt seem to care for me. Right now he has been telling me were done and how he hates me yet to his family he tells them he loves me and he actually told them he was soon to propose to me. It kills me not to know wen he lies and wen he doesnt. Last night i felt really anxious and i needed a hug and he rejected me. I felt even worse and i told him " how would you feel if the way you are with me was the way someone treated your sister,would you be okay with it? " he lashed out he told me if i ever brought up his family again he would make me want to suicide and then call my family to tell them i was going to kill myself. Its hard for me to leave i dont understand why. He ruined my graduation threatening to get drunk and out me for being queer and tell my family all of our problems, he proceeded to making a dramatic exit and telling me i had to end my graduation bbq if i wanted him to come home . Every time he does this shit , onces i finally leave he begs for me to come back and i dont know why i do. Partly hurts i put so much into this relationship and i tried so hard to be there for him and i feel like he hasnt gave me much. I dont know what to do but his words are stuck in my head. I feel stuck i feel like i cant leave . yet i feel so lost, like shit and hopeless. Does he mean it this time are we actually over? If i leave will i end up coming back ? What am i going to do with myself if the rest of my life is also falling apart? I fear something is wrong with me i feel like im not good enough. Im educated ,i work, i keep house clean, i have food ready for him wen he gets home, i please him when ever he wants to ,i go with his ideas , i support him and encourage him. Im scared im just going to be alone for ever. Im scared i have no purpose in life. I wish there was a way to look into the future and know this is worth it that some day ill be happy . i feel like i lost my dreams . i feel lost . i lost my friends because they got tired of me not being able to leave him.
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Hey all, i know its been quite awhile since i posted on here. Its been a summer all right. Its been something else........... You know how they say not to open the can of worms? Well a few months ago i decided to find out what my due date would have been for my first baby, the one conceived by r***. My baby would have been due on March 4th of 2006. They would be 20 years old. I was R**** on June...
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
This guy is frightening and if he thinks you'll leave for good there is no telling what he may do
Being alone is far better then constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop
I would talk with a abused woman's shelter and get some information and support about getting out of this.... I would also encourage you to get into some therapy to help you to gain some insight and self esteem
You deserve so much better..... You do have a purpose in life but you need some help sweetie.... Big hug of comfort and a blessing..... There is help for you if you're willing to reach out for it.....xo
It's hard to leave because it's an abusive situation where you are pretty much beaten down and manipulated. That's what abusive people do... they make it so you don't know which end is up and that you lose yourself. It's psychological warfare You need to know this is so not normal what he's doing. This isn't how relationships are supposed to work. None of this is ok.
You've given all self worth and power away to this gutless, abusive, mean turd of a human being. Time to take control of the situation and get it back. But in order to do that you need to surround yourself with support. Reach out to your family, a counselor, an abused women's organization, etc. I think once you separate yourself from him, and get some help, it will be very apparent to you that you do matter, you have purpose and that you deserve to be treated with respect and care.
http://www.womenagainstabuse.org/education-resources/learn-about-abuse/why-its-so-difficult-to-leave
I understand you're afraid, but you really have to start taking a stand here. He doesn't talk you into coming back. You are choosing to come back based on his lies and promises to change.
Stop feeling bad about what you can or can't do for him. You have to look out for yourself right now. If you can't leave right now, then you must at least start coming up with a plan, so that you can leave.
He's not going to change. It will likely get worse. You have to start believing this.
I think you have some hope still that he is going to change, but I think it is highly unlikely.
To leave him behind you have plenty of tools to do so - restraining order, etc.
He is dragging you down and he will always do this.
That really is it.