Healthy Relationships Support Group
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I have been online dating for a bit now and I met a girl who I liked a lot. I screwed things with her. I rushed things because I wanted everything to guickly. She informed me that she only wanted to be friends because I needed to work on me. I was upset by this at first but I excepted her friendship. We hardly ever talk. All of last week I sent her 1 or 2 texts a day. She will half heartedly respond with 1 or 2 words. She never calls. I messaged her today and told her this ( Hey cutie I guess you don't want to have anything to do with me. I guess we can't be friends because it seems like you're scared to talk to me or your just not interested in being friends with me. That being said i wish you well and hope you find what your looking for.) She called me and was upset with me. I told her she didn't need me around for what ever this is. I was walking away to free my mind from wondering why she isn't talking to me. Her response was that she was busy with work and her family. I told her that she didn't really need me in her life. She said that it wasn't for me to decide. She said that right now she wants to be my friend and see what happens from there. She lives with her parents. She's been there for 4 years after getting out of a relationship that was abusive. She's very close with her family and she does work a lot. But if she had any feelings for me friend or more I think she would attempt to contact me. Right now I'm just looking for a friendship but wasn't really getting that. I am done trying with her. What do you think ladies I acted like an ass and showed her that I am insecure. Is there any chance of a friendship or is she just blowing smoke? Why would she call m ASAP and say it wasn't for me to decide if I was good for her or not? I am definitely going to run from this because I only see a woman that is toying with my emotions.
No one here is judging you regarding whether or not you messed up - we are all here to discuss what constitutes as healthy behaviors in any relationships. Thats all - just discussion. We are here to give constructive feedback!
I personally agree with what the others said about being put off by your message. It was very passive-agressive.
In the future, instead of saying something such as "I guess you dont want me around" - which can sound a bit rough and slightly judgemental, it gives off that "oh poor pitiful me, make me feel better" vibe - you could be more direct with how you are feeling and what you want.
Such as "I feel like we are not on the same page and would like to clear that up" or "I'm beginning to get the feeling that you may not be interested in the same sort of friendship as I am right now".
Theres no need to beat around the bush or play word games. Always just get to the point and be clear about what you are trying to say. Cryptic messages leave a lot of room for miscommunication, and when women tend to think more with their emotions than men do, it can get explosive.
Just some helpful hints - take em or leave em, whichever youd like. Everyone makes mistakes. But what sets successful people apart from chronic failures is the ability to adjust your game plan accordingly.
If you had asthma you'd take an inhaler, anxiety attacks or depression may require medications/stabilizers as well.
If you broke your leg you'd see a doctor and have a cast. Again - this is NO different
Hugs
I apologize to everyone else if I don't exactly share the same opinion as them.
This girl told you that she wanted to be just friends. To me the word friend means someone that is there when need. To me friends listen to friends, help friends, support friends and/or tell friends when they have to stop. A good friend tells you the good and the bad.
If someone told me that he/she wanted to be friends with me, I would assume that the person actually was interested in becoming my friend. I would expect the person to at least be honest with me.
I also don't see a big deal of you sending 1 or 2 messages a day for a whole week. In my opinion, if she was getting annoyed with your texts she could at least say something to you. I guess she didn't.
I also can see why you got upset and sent the final msg to her, you were expecting to at least get a friendly word from her. It looks that she ignored you most of the time without giving you much explanation on why she was not replying. I would get upset with that, just like you.
I don't see the picture as you stalking someone, sorry if I got it wrong. To me it looks like 2 people who agreed to be friends with the prospect of getting to know each other and maybe getting into something more serious. It looks to me that she backed up on you, didn't have the decency to reply to your messages and didn't even let you know if she wished that you didn't text that often. As someone who told that wanted to be friends she should just say something before letting things getting to the point they git, now she is turning the game's making you look like the bad guy.
In my opinion you have the right to be upset