Healthy Relationships Support Group
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I have been online dating for a bit now and I met a girl who I liked a lot. I screwed things with her. I rushed things because I wanted everything to guickly. She informed me that she only wanted to be friends because I needed to work on me. I was upset by this at first but I excepted her friendship. We hardly ever talk. All of last week I sent her 1 or 2 texts a day. She will half heartedly respond with 1 or 2 words. She never calls. I messaged her today and told her this ( Hey cutie I guess you don't want to have anything to do with me. I guess we can't be friends because it seems like you're scared to talk to me or your just not interested in being friends with me. That being said i wish you well and hope you find what your looking for.) She called me and was upset with me. I told her she didn't need me around for what ever this is. I was walking away to free my mind from wondering why she isn't talking to me. Her response was that she was busy with work and her family. I told her that she didn't really need me in her life. She said that it wasn't for me to decide. She said that right now she wants to be my friend and see what happens from there. She lives with her parents. She's been there for 4 years after getting out of a relationship that was abusive. She's very close with her family and she does work a lot. But if she had any feelings for me friend or more I think she would attempt to contact me. Right now I'm just looking for a friendship but wasn't really getting that. I am done trying with her. What do you think ladies I acted like an ass and showed her that I am insecure. Is there any chance of a friendship or is she just blowing smoke? Why would she call m ASAP and say it wasn't for me to decide if I was good for her or not? I am definitely going to run from this because I only see a woman that is toying with my emotions.
But it IS TRUE that other people can immediately sense insecurity and a clinging or co-dependent "vibe". That frightens people off. It's the odor of desperation. Always WAIT a little while before acting real interested. Be casual for a bit. Get busy doing something so you don't think of your new "friend" 24/7 and act stalker-like. It's difficult when lonely, but try not to overwhelm a woman.
You're trying!!!!
You are human!
We all screw up!
Just learn from your mistakes and move on!
However if you prefer to text/ talk more than that, my main advice on that, find someone who wants that too. Lots of people do. Otherwise, back off, and let the other person take the lead on how often to communicate. If you find yourself sending two (or more) texts, and don't hear anything back. Don't send anymore. Definitely, do not badger, harass, snark, if you dont receive anything back. Ive been both the sender and receiver of such texts, and I learned my lesson not to do that again lol! Big turn off (when first getting to know someone).
I also agree with Aronia, the definition of friends, can mean a bunch of things (from casual sex-as indicated on another thread lol, to dating, to platonic friends). Ive used the term in different ways as well. Ive told guys Im interested in being friends, with the possibility of more later (to sloooow things down). Ive also told guys Im interested in being friends, but meant it in a platonic way (no possibility of more than that-which I tell them). Yeah, confusing I know.
Anyway, dont beat yourself up over this. I think you did ok. Just curb it back a notch or two, find lots of things to distract yourself (including seeing other people-nothing wrong with that-until youre exclusive). You seem like a nice guy, hence you have an edge that way!
Do you texts all your "friends" twice a day? No.
You don't have to make a rash decisions right now.
Friends are one thing. - relationship is different.
I world just chill out, let her make the next move. Maybe send a simple text I. A couple of days.
To me, you are giving off a vibe of insecurity.
That makes me feel much better. Friendship is about all I can handle.
She wants breathing room and told you she is busy with work and family, yet you try to put some kind of guilt trip on her by saying - I guess you don't need me in your life.
How is someone suppose to respond to that? They either say, no I do want you in my life because they don't want you to feel bad, or get the hairs on the back of their neck up and say something like she said - that's not for you to decide..she could have been blunter and said - yep you are right, I don't need you in my life...
I don't see how you feel she is toying with your emotions.. She is stating what she sees - that you need to work on yourself.
I don't know if you should run from her and a would be relationship, but if I were you, I would walk away for a bit - the two of you aren't on the same page.