Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
I have been online dating for a bit now and I met a girl who I liked a lot. I screwed things with her. I rushed things because I wanted everything to guickly. She informed me that she only wanted to be friends because I needed to work on me. I was upset by this at first but I excepted her friendship. We hardly ever talk. All of last week I sent her 1 or 2 texts a day. She will half heartedly respond with 1 or 2 words. She never calls. I messaged her today and told her this ( Hey cutie I guess you don't want to have anything to do with me. I guess we can't be friends because it seems like you're scared to talk to me or your just not interested in being friends with me. That being said i wish you well and hope you find what your looking for.) She called me and was upset with me. I told her she didn't need me around for what ever this is. I was walking away to free my mind from wondering why she isn't talking to me. Her response was that she was busy with work and her family. I told her that she didn't really need me in her life. She said that it wasn't for me to decide. She said that right now she wants to be my friend and see what happens from there. She lives with her parents. She's been there for 4 years after getting out of a relationship that was abusive. She's very close with her family and she does work a lot. But if she had any feelings for me friend or more I think she would attempt to contact me. Right now I'm just looking for a friendship but wasn't really getting that. I am done trying with her. What do you think ladies I acted like an ass and showed her that I am insecure. Is there any chance of a friendship or is she just blowing smoke? Why would she call m ASAP and say it wasn't for me to decide if I was good for her or not? I am definitely going to run from this because I only see a woman that is toying with my emotions.
Maybe you could re-plan your approach. If someone is blowing me off i usually say : " i m sorry if i've done anything to offend you or make you uncomfortable, can we talk about this? "
I think sending her a text like that only re-enforced what she thought before. I would definitely be unhappy to see that.
It does feel offensive when people think they know how I feel or assume. It makes me feel alienated or like a bad person when I really didn't mean any harm.
I think it's healthy you cut it off for your own sanity. Maybe an idea for next time rather than telling someone you're cutting it off just do it, no need for explanation unless asked. No expectations.
What you are calling " not dating" is really dating to me.
" being friends" to me means doing activities in a group with other people, avoiding going to each other's houses and being alone so sex doesnt get in the way of building a friendship.
What do you think about that?
Also.. please try not to be offended - SBJ is not attacking you, there are just a couple of us here who have a way with words...i can be one of them sometimes, really no one here means any harm..
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