Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
I'm not sure where to even go with this, but I'd like to hear others opinions, if anyone cares to read my jumbled mess.
I had a random/ chance meeting with a man about 2 years ago. We met through a local auto club that it turns out he is in charge of. At the time we met, we were both at the beginning stages of break ups. His wife had an affair and the man I was dating fizzled out.
We became friends through our break ups, but the energy between us is insane. I have NO words to describe it. He and I have spoken several times about it. I am 40 years old and have never, ever, ever felt this kind of connection with anyone. Ever. He has said the same.
Our connection turned sexual for a short time. I kept my emotions in check, as we had just both been through break ups, and didnt think it was wise for anyone to jump into anything without healing first.
A few months later, he ended up in a relationship with another woman. She pushed him hard and fast. He was conflicted about her, he and I even talked about it. I've been his "rock" of sorts through all of his turmoil. Needless to say, they've been in a volatile relationship for a little over a year now. When they break up, Im the first call to talk. (We have not been together sexually since before she entered the picture)
So, I'm the comfort, the phone call away. Is that it? It stings because I deep feelings for this man. I've literally not even been with Anyone at all in almost 2 years, since him, because I'm that connected and drawn. It feels as if no one and nothing will compare to THAT energy that we have together.
Last week I heard from him. And now I'm in a tailspin all over again. He is rejected by her continuously. And I have to hear about it. I simply told him that he has the power to change that anytime he chooses. (Meaning their relationship with one another). In his conversation with me, he brings up the energy we have together, how he can't get it out of his mind.
I feel as if I'm being tortured. Seriously. What do I do with this? I've tried to completely cut him out...it works for a while, months go by, and BAM I'm in it all over again.
Thoughts?
I had a random/ chance meeting with a man about 2 years ago. We met through a local auto club that it turns out he is in charge of. At the time we met, we were both at the beginning stages of break ups. His wife had an affair and the man I was dating fizzled out.
We became friends through our break ups, but the energy between us is insane. I have NO words to describe it. He and I have spoken several times about it. I am 40 years old and have never, ever, ever felt this kind of connection with anyone. Ever. He has said the same.
Our connection turned sexual for a short time. I kept my emotions in check, as we had just both been through break ups, and didnt think it was wise for anyone to jump into anything without healing first.
A few months later, he ended up in a relationship with another woman. She pushed him hard and fast. He was conflicted about her, he and I even talked about it. I've been his "rock" of sorts through all of his turmoil. Needless to say, they've been in a volatile relationship for a little over a year now. When they break up, Im the first call to talk. (We have not been together sexually since before she entered the picture)
So, I'm the comfort, the phone call away. Is that it? It stings because I deep feelings for this man. I've literally not even been with Anyone at all in almost 2 years, since him, because I'm that connected and drawn. It feels as if no one and nothing will compare to THAT energy that we have together.
Last week I heard from him. And now I'm in a tailspin all over again. He is rejected by her continuously. And I have to hear about it. I simply told him that he has the power to change that anytime he chooses. (Meaning their relationship with one another). In his conversation with me, he brings up the energy we have together, how he can't get it out of his mind.
I feel as if I'm being tortured. Seriously. What do I do with this? I've tried to completely cut him out...it works for a while, months go by, and BAM I'm in it all over again.
Thoughts?
-
My 6mo twin DD's are EBF and just started rice cereal on the first. Everything has been going fine except this morning one of them had a diaper rash (lots of redness around her anus). I read this as one of the signs of an allergy. BUT I did just buy a different brand diaper yesterday (which they have used randomly before w/no issues). Do you think its the cereal or the diaper? Im ready to start...
There's this guy that I'm not in a relationship with that I just can't not be around. The tension between us is tangible, it crackles. I'm completely head over heels tho we've not been sexual. (We've kissed a few times) I try to walk away, just stop but then...contact and I'm sucked right back in. We're just...connected.
He is preventing - or rather - I am allowing him to prevent me from having any other relationship because I'm bat-shit crazy over this completely unattainable man.
Logically, I know I have to stop, to not see him when he asks, or not answer...respond...react. Not listen to him when I feel he "needs" me but...I'm weak. I haven't allowed myself to FEEL for anyone and he was SUPPOSED to be safe because of the solid clear boundaries that are publicly in place, however I jumped right over them.
If you get it figured out, let me know.
I don't understand why you two can't be together now.
I hope to, as some point. I'm drawn to intellect and powerful personalities... and eclectic... dichotomous (is that the right word?) combinations of traits that are just so rare that on the occasion I find them, the woman is often out of my age range, otherwise taken or not interested.
Like I said. I hope to feel that.
Yeah he needs to get out of that.
Allowing someone this power over you will crush you.
Sounds like you have the same deal going with this guy. Tell him that you aren't available to a man who is in a relationship with another woman and that if he should ever find himself single and want to act on your connection, he can call you then. But before that, I'd say no contact so you can move on to find a better suited partner.
Here's the thing... I don't contact him at all. I do respond when he reaches out though, and maybe that's attention enough for him? I've even gone to lengths of not attending our club in commons events.
I've told him that I wouldn't and couldn't interfere in any romantic relationship he has. He knows this.
Who knows what his agenda is. But, I'm hurting right now to the point where I suppose we shouldn't even maintain a friendship. And that hurts.
I'm not perfect, or wish to be. But I will say that this is one rejection ( when he chose her, after putting myself out to him before she arrived). That's going to take some big recovery.
Truthfully, I've been single for 5 1/2 out of the last 7 years. And when I say single, I mean completely so, with the exception of this guy and my now ex bf.
This one really makes me lose all hope that there's anything in the cards for me again. Ugh. Time to pick up the pieces and rebuild.