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I'm not sure where to even go with this, but I'd like to hear others opinions, if anyone cares to read my jumbled mess.
I had a random/ chance meeting with a man about 2 years ago. We met through a local auto club that it turns out he is in charge of. At the time we met, we were both at the beginning stages of break ups. His wife had an affair and the man I was dating fizzled out.
We became friends through our break ups, but the energy between us is insane. I have NO words to describe it. He and I have spoken several times about it. I am 40 years old and have never, ever, ever felt this kind of connection with anyone. Ever. He has said the same.
Our connection turned sexual for a short time. I kept my emotions in check, as we had just both been through break ups, and didnt think it was wise for anyone to jump into anything without healing first.
A few months later, he ended up in a relationship with another woman. She pushed him hard and fast. He was conflicted about her, he and I even talked about it. I've been his "rock" of sorts through all of his turmoil. Needless to say, they've been in a volatile relationship for a little over a year now. When they break up, Im the first call to talk. (We have not been together sexually since before she entered the picture)
So, I'm the comfort, the phone call away. Is that it? It stings because I deep feelings for this man. I've literally not even been with Anyone at all in almost 2 years, since him, because I'm that connected and drawn. It feels as if no one and nothing will compare to THAT energy that we have together.
Last week I heard from him. And now I'm in a tailspin all over again. He is rejected by her continuously. And I have to hear about it. I simply told him that he has the power to change that anytime he chooses. (Meaning their relationship with one another). In his conversation with me, he brings up the energy we have together, how he can't get it out of his mind.
I feel as if I'm being tortured. Seriously. What do I do with this? I've tried to completely cut him out...it works for a while, months go by, and BAM I'm in it all over again.
Thoughts?
I had a random/ chance meeting with a man about 2 years ago. We met through a local auto club that it turns out he is in charge of. At the time we met, we were both at the beginning stages of break ups. His wife had an affair and the man I was dating fizzled out.
We became friends through our break ups, but the energy between us is insane. I have NO words to describe it. He and I have spoken several times about it. I am 40 years old and have never, ever, ever felt this kind of connection with anyone. Ever. He has said the same.
Our connection turned sexual for a short time. I kept my emotions in check, as we had just both been through break ups, and didnt think it was wise for anyone to jump into anything without healing first.
A few months later, he ended up in a relationship with another woman. She pushed him hard and fast. He was conflicted about her, he and I even talked about it. I've been his "rock" of sorts through all of his turmoil. Needless to say, they've been in a volatile relationship for a little over a year now. When they break up, Im the first call to talk. (We have not been together sexually since before she entered the picture)
So, I'm the comfort, the phone call away. Is that it? It stings because I deep feelings for this man. I've literally not even been with Anyone at all in almost 2 years, since him, because I'm that connected and drawn. It feels as if no one and nothing will compare to THAT energy that we have together.
Last week I heard from him. And now I'm in a tailspin all over again. He is rejected by her continuously. And I have to hear about it. I simply told him that he has the power to change that anytime he chooses. (Meaning their relationship with one another). In his conversation with me, he brings up the energy we have together, how he can't get it out of his mind.
I feel as if I'm being tortured. Seriously. What do I do with this? I've tried to completely cut him out...it works for a while, months go by, and BAM I'm in it all over again.
Thoughts?
Like me - sounds like you hold that little bit of hope? Whateverthefuck it is.
I would absolutely tell him how you feel. As long as you don't, he will continue to keep you in the friend zone, although I'm not sure why if he feels that connection with you as well. I'd be honest and upfront about it, lay all the cards on the table and let him decide what to do with it. It's also up to you if you'd like to continue the torture by being his friend, or if you'd rather move on if he isn't willing to give you what you want.
And I completely agree that youve probably been closed off to other available men because of your attachment to this one.
It's not him. He is fine with how it is. It's too much contact for you. It keeps you tied to a bit of hope. I did the same thing. Only responded when he messaged me. Sometimes he would just send a selfie. Then I would be right back where I started. I couldn't "quit him" LOL. I finally had to delete all messages and pictures so I would stop going back and looking at them. Reading more into them than there was. Bottom line....when he wanted me I was available, even if it was to chat. He would disappear for weeks that turned into months. In a way that helped. I found someone else who wanted the kind of relationship I was looking for. After a few months I heard from him again and although I still had some feelings I was okay. Now I feel nothing for him. It took some time but I can see now it was for the best.
And it seems that if your connection with him may be holding you back from making space in your heart for someone else, someone who can be truly responsive and available to you...
Hugs to you!
He's not ready for a non-chaotic relationship. Which is probably why you are not together.
I personally would keep being there for him. But it would depend on how much you can take.
Last guy told me, a couple days ago (first time since we'd broken up three weeks ago), that while he loved me very much, he was terrified of getting hurt, and would put a big shield around himself, anytime we'd start getting close. Get a feeling of panic!
Yet from my observation he has no problem inserting himself into his (female) friends major drama, which usually resulted in more drama, or backlash (drag him down). And girl would ditch their frriendship, for douche-bag.
I don't get this at all, one would think the latter scenario would be more hurtful, but that is his choice, he is free to do as he pleases, as he should. But I don't want to go down with him.
I pride myself on being self sufficient, so I don't really understand it. I LIKE company and LIKE to have a GF, but surely don't NEED it.
Is it just a difference in terminology or definitions?