Yes, a good reminder! But, still so hard for those of us who value and need stability and are generally risk averse.

Very true. I have recently taken my first real risk. In the end I am not sorry, but I definitely expected a different outcome. So I must build up my courage again... and maybe have no expectations but just what originally was planned... a new adventure. (Yes I know they are very hard for some of us too. Probably why I never took a risk before now. )

I wish for many that we may find some courage to take a step and venture out again. (Well as much as we can right now)

Our biggest fault is not loving ourselves enough, Not tending to our own soul and spirit in such a way that when we are hurt and in pain, we can see it and understand it, Some pain and hurt is not bad, it can remind us that we are mortals and have feelings and can love.
Many times we hurt others on purpose or accident because we have been hurt and or scared in such a way that we don't know better. Some of us were raised in pain and hurt, and know no other.
When we recognize our faults and learn that we have to heal, nurture and grow physically. emotionally and spiritually than is when we can truly love ourselves and others the way we were designed too.
When we learn to respect ourselves, keep up our boundaries, and love and accept ourselves freely, then we can enjoy the freedom and gifts that love has to offer.
Many times we inflict pain on ourselves when we know better, endure hurt even though we would tell our BF else wise if they were hurting. We can always help others in pain and hurt, we have to remember to provide that same help to ourselves.
I choose to be alone today because I need to be in order to heal myself and grow in my spiritual self to be better, give better and expect better.

Memphis you are definitely right in that we need to remember to provide that same courtesy to ourselves. I have come a long way and will not ever intentionally incur the pain that I have been through to others as I know how bad it feels.

The thing is that while helping and doing for others, I have allowed myself to do that even with others still in their dysfunction and have been taken advantage of (primarily at work right now) I am trying to step back and do as I need and am expected to. Any friend of mine I would tell to do the same... stand firm and not stand for the inconsiderate treatment... that they don't deserve this.

I keep wanting to find someone but he always seems to be full of himself whoever it is. There is never room for me.

Mary , that is the thing... at least we don't settle for crumbs. We must think enough of ourselves and have faith that there may just be a man who will think of us as well as himself. That is a very rare find. It seems far easier for a woman to give her heart and soul to another... but men not so much. We may have a long wait. lol

I can’t live my life in hope, as in shutting down today’s reality to hope things will change or be different tomorrow. I think we attract people to our own emotional wellness level, this means we have to keep working on ourselves if we want to find a good partner. This has been true in my life. Those of us who are codependent often find partners who have some issues and this is our coping style. Until we change ourselves, we will keep attracting these people as lessons into our lives.

I feel similar. I think desiring a mate is not unreasonable. I think where things get murky is having that be the ultimate goal and sort of hanging your ultimate happiness on that goal. No one really knows what is going to happen in life so if that’s the case, why not just live life to the fullest in the moment and find happiness and contentment independent of a relationship or a man.

There is taking a risk dating or meeting someone. And there is taking a risk by putting your happiness into the hands of another person. The latter to me is the biggest, most costly risk of all.

@Urban I totally agree,
feeling the need to allows be accepted, to allows be valued, to allows be codependent on others hurts me. Learning how to love myself , see my own self worth and accept myself for my values is hard.
This something I have to learn how to do for myself before I can be able to be with someone.

@rmb.. you are right in that it is too costly to put our happiness in the hands of another to do it for us. In my perfect world (Yes I know, there is none) if we truly love and care about someone , we should want to make them happy and do what we can. (but not at the cost of our own well being)

@ memphis... Even when we do grow to love and accept ourselves, for those of us who had dysfunction or instability in our lives, sometimes others can knock us back down. How can we stay strong enough in our own realization if we do come across another unhealthy person?

VG, this is the eternal question as to how can we stay strong enough when we run into another unhealthy person. I think we have to listen to and observe others. What they say, how they act, react, respond and how they live their lives. The world is full of people with so called issues and problems. We have to keep practicing our skills and life gives us plenty of practice. And this sounds awful perhaps but I have gotten much less trusting as I have been changing. I don’t instantly make friends, I don’t lend money, and I speak up to say things that makes people mad sometimes. I gave up wanting people to approve of me but it creeps in automatically sometimes. We just have to keep staying in our healthy lane.

@ urban ... I have to say I also have learned (from being too trusting and gullible at times) to be more cautious. I am still too quick sometimes to join in if invited, but th not ere are some warning signs I have pickled up from repeated attempts to be scammed or used. The fact you said that need of approval does occasionally creep in (or try to) does tell me that I am not to give up if I too have the occasional moment .of insecurity creeping in

I am thinking since I seem newer at this that I could use those padded things like kids get in the alleys at bowling to give them the upper hand. Do you think we could find them to put in those wobbly lanes right beside our healthy one? lol