Just to offer some other truth, it definitely is not the 1950s... And women and men were unhappy then too.

I had an entire 9to5 career and still did a ton of yard work, laundry, house work in my marriage. I'm not even going to mention my former...point is, men do this stuff too. Mutual work is...mutual, equal. Healthy partners resolve conflict and listen to each other.

Parenting and house work is a shared responsibility.. Lol if I could say my job was equal to that, I'd be full of complete BS personally. Yes, its stressful...but house works gotta be done.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr - the age old issue of whether someone who is working outside the home for pay is 'working harder' than someone who is working in the home to support that wage earner (regardless of how many hours each is working!)

I feel your pain! I remember being a full time mum with a toddler and 2 teenagers and a man who 'went out to work!' A big house, nice cars etc etc. Nightmare! I tried getting a job one day a week for some self esteem but when I'd get home the house would be a tip. Unemptied potty in the hall, kid bleeding cos he'd let her play with his tools while he worked on some project, she still has the scar. I would have coped if even once he had recognised the contribution I made, even once, but he made me feel I was a drain on him.

I got sick of being a skivvy, cook and bottlewasher and got out with the little one after the teenagers had left home. Best thing I ever did. A smaller house, yes, a smaller car, less trappings of wealth, but I had some control and self value. Without that constant thing I'd had in my head that I should be working my fingers to the bone to earn my keep and prove my worth to him, we had a lovely relaxed life. Laughter, fun, good times.

A shame that with him it all revolved around who brings in the pay check.

Write a list of the jobs at home that don't fit into your day and see if you can work out some he'd be happy to take on. Or prioritise everything you do and work for the number of hours he's at work. What gets done is done, what isn't done can do the other thing lol. Women pile too much on ourselves. Relax your standards and ignore them all :)

Good luck

Stop doing lawn care. Stop doing the laundry, the cleaning, the cooking.....all of it. Tell him you need time to relax. He'll see how fast things fall apart.

I run a day care in my home essentially. House and lawn care NEEDS to be done for my income. No one will leave thier kids in a dirty home with an unkempt yard. Or else I would tried theetting it all go a long time ago :).

joleneLS I want to highly commend you on how you are sharing your life and that of your family with less fortunate children. I do understand how difficult that is. My brother and his wife were involved for years trying to foster a child and the challenges they faced were pretty daunting. They finally were able to permanently foster/adopt a brother and sister. I saw what they went through so I understand that certain criteria has to be met and maintained. I applaud you and if I could I would give you your own spa day to be pampered and spoiled.

As for what to do about your husband there really isn't much because as you know if youre home life and that of the children become unstable you lose the child. The only thing I would suggest is to hire you some help. Hire a cleaning service to come 1 or 2 days a week. Pay some kid or a lawn service to mow. Find a repair service to do the things you are unable to do yourself. We have a woman who has a home repair business. When we need something repaired we call her and if she cant do it she knows people that can. So we get discounted prices on a lot of repairs. I suggest you research what it would cost to have these services. Present them to him and let him know those are your plans if he isnt going to help. If the children are old enough let them help you too.

One other thing jolensLS I hesitate to say this because things can get very heated and it can be disastrous. But here goes, you have got to make him RESPECT you. You have got to let him know where the boundaries of disrespect and mistreatment of you are and stick to it. Also dont give him an audience when he is having a tantrum.

Whatever you do dont try to bluff him and stick to your guns sort to speak. LOL

Now to the aunt first with all due respect your household is really none of her curse word business. There are families today that still have the husband work while the wife takes care of the home and things work just fine. However thats not the case for everyone. If you research that era a lot of that belief is nonsense. The man goes to his 9 to 5 job. Comes home and his wife greets him at the door with his slippers, a cigar, and a glass of tea is BS. Thats the stuff you saw on TV shows like Leave it to Beaver, Father Knows Best, and "Dennis the Menace My mom and dad live that way he worked and she was at home. But when he came home my mom had a list of things he needed to do around the house and guess what he did them. And on weekends all us boys helped him.

Already59. Thanks for your response. Raising another child, that didn't start out in our care, is hard. Giving him back is harder. But it's what we chose to do. We are considering becoming a full time foster care family once our daughter is old enough to be able to firmly distinguish right from wrong and share us without as much jealousy.

I'll be honest. Respect isn't really something I feel from ANYONE in my life haha. I'm thinking it's not that no one has it for me, just that I don't really know what I'm looking for. My SO is not talkative and not one to show emotions. So when presented with the question of if he respects me his answer is bound to be "I do but you know I'm not expressive." And I do know he isn't.

Hiring a handyman and such is not in our budget. At all. Because of how we got the boy we get zero financial help and now more then ever we are budgeting like nuts. We can afford our bills and caring for the child, as long as we tighten our boot straps. It doesn't help that the hours at my SO's work just started slowing down for some random reason. I also cannot hire a maid. Where I live they are no cheaper then $50-100/hour and I have a large 6 bedroom, 1300 sq foot home that would take a few hours to clean. Meaning my maid would be a minimum of several hundred a week :(. I do hire my teenage nieces to mow my lawn occasionally though I don't mind doing it myself. Mowing is actually relaxing to me. And he does shovel the snow 95% of the time because I refuse lol. It usually ends up in a fight though because he likes to think because I am 'home all day' that I can also do everything in the house.

I honestly think his biggest issue is he is lazy and self centered. Yes, he has a physical job...where his reward is money. And yes....he goes to the gym and plays hockey...which are things he enjoys and his reward is feeling better about his body. But things like installing new smoke alarms bring him no reward, so he won't do it. Installing the light I bought for our dining room almost two years ago? Again, he could care less if my light goes up or the old fan stays....no reward to him. Keeping the house clean? It's not his job in jeapordy if it becomes a pig pen, so why would he bother? I've always known he is self centered, his mother just enables the crap outta that, but lately it's just gotten really under my skin whereas before it was just one of the con's you accept because the pro's are so great.

Honestly you're at the suck it up buttercup stage. Can't fix your situation because of your d-bag husband so you either accept it or move on.

I bitch about it and I constantly ask him to help but that's just my way of letting out enough frusteration that I don't smother him with a pillow while he sleeps :) lol. I've accepted it as much as I'm going to but venting makes it easier to take.