So I’m not one who is really used to going to sources like this but I thought I would give it a shot and see how well it works. I went to the same school from kindergarten till I graduated with a class of 35, I then went to a community college for two years, and now I am currently in my first year at a university. Now that I am in college, I have had a fear of mine set in and I feel like if I don’t get into some kind of romantic relationship while in college then I won’t be able to find one after I graduate. I’m afraid of this because I am the type of person that will focus in on my job and not think much about a relationship with my coworkers.

I am not a partyer either. I will definitely opt to be a designated driver and make sure that everyone gets home safely; however, I am not the type of person who will go out and drink or really partake in any social event that isn’t a part of the clubs that I am in. I have to balance my social life with my school life and with the clubs that I am in along with my course load and spending time with my current friends I can’t really find time to join more clubs and be an active contributor to them in order to meet people and not be interested in the clubs goal.  

I have had a couple of relationships and the first fell apart due to poor communication and we definitely weren’t meant for each other, which I have learned looking back. The second fell apart due to a communication gap, and I was looking for a more serious relationship than she was. When we broke up we did tell each other that we felt like friends the entire time instead of boyfriend and girlfriend and with a realization that we will have many classes together in the future we have no hard feelings about how the relationship ended. There was also a girl who came looking for my help a week after my first girlfriend broke up with me and we seemed to hit it off. I took her out on a few dates and things seemed to be going well. Her friend group was majorly guys but I never let that thought get in my way. She was attractive and I know now that all of her friends were also trying to get into a relationship with her. When I tried to talk to her about us becoming a couple she would never meet up with me even though she wanted to meet up and talk about it. Then not too long after that one of the guys in the group kept saying that they were together and I knew she had made her choice. Currently I’m still friends with her and my second girlfriend and when I see my first girlfriend I keep it civil but she had some hard feelings that I’m not too sure of but I haven’t worried about it since she has a problem with me and I don’t have one with her so if she wants to feel better about it than that is on her.

Currently, I’m going to school for civil engineering and environmental science so there aren’t that many girls in my program to begin with and a vast majority of the girls that are in my program are already in a relationship with someone else. My school does have a large medical program, however, I never go into the building that has all of the medical classes and I’m not the type of person to jump in with random people that I don’t know and just introduce myself.

            I know that I shouldn’t focus on a relationship that one will just fall into my arms one day but my anxiety won’t let this go. I have a friend that has been trying to sign me up for something like tinder, but I find the concept of online dating to be weird. I’ve talked to another one of my friends and she says that she got to know quite a few medical students because the medical students were friends of her friends.

I guess I forgot to mention in my introduction that I am not that much of a social butterfly either. I have my friend group and unless I view someone else as someone who can help me with school, they think I can help them, or I’m put into a group with them, I don’t really go out and try to get to know new people. Even when I go to leadership conferences I don’t really go out and get to know a lot of other people. I still follow the trend of I get to know other people that my friends make. I just have trouble going out and joining in on someone else’s conversation and trying to force my way into their group.

I’m not too sure if my case is one that you can actually help or if I’m just really good at getting in my own way. Maybe there will be some transfer student that comes and we hit it off or maybe at some conference sometime I will actually meet someone I click with. Just, as of now, I have never had a relationship that has lasted more than six months and to all of my friends with either long-lasting relationships or had well-working relationships for a decent amount of time, I don’t know. I know it’s bad to compare myself to others but it’s one of those things that my mind just does. I know in high school I was the only one out of 35 that either was never in a relationship of some kind, sexual or romantic. I have stopped and thought that maybe I just want something physical but my mind tries to keep me on the right track and make sure I’m in it for the girl and not her body. I also feel like I have a decent personality, I don’t feel like an asshole to others and I try to be a nice guy but I will give crap right back to my friends when they give me crap. I have had hard-working summer jobs and I maintain at least a 3.8 GPA in college. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks.