Healthy Relationships Support Group
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I split up with someone, however we are still friends and didn't reach that point where we hated each other.
There was a lot of shouting going on from him. I tried to get him to sit down and talk with me a few times but it didn't work. So we drifted apart from each other. I'm just wondering what you all think of this shouting/yelling thing? Doesn't it achieve nothing? Doesn't the verbal abuse eventually change the personality of the one being shouted at?
Why do people shout?
I suppose its different for everyone, but my partner's problems were - unemployed for just over a year and confidence going down, growing up with two father figures who errupted with anger and abuse (over nothing) since he was a little child - his mom would just shut down and so would he (even now he chooses to shut down and not try to calm his dad/step dad down), possible dysfunctional family (being unable to nicely confront the ones who scream to let them know they are damaging others as well as themselves), yelling nasty things at me and never apologizing, and..... not once did he open up to me about things that were bothering him (just not used to talking). I had to let go, it was awful. I realized that I only knew him about 40% after several years. I somehow felt as though I had failed.
Do any of you ladies have husbands or boyfriends who don't tell you their feelings or open up to you? Why do they hold it all in? Why shout and scream?
I'm going through the guilt of ending it months ago, but the weight is now starting to lift off my shoulders.
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I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
https://healthypsych.com/psychology-tools-what-is-anger-a-secondary-emotion/
Yelling and screaming would get old really quickly.... You probably did the best thing for you..... Big hug......xo
Yes I was just reading about secondary emotions. One emotion causes another.... vicious cycle, and this is dangerous.
I agree that it's up to the individual to therapute rather than vent onto whoever is near by.
Jojored, my ex sounds a little like your ex. I did some reading on the subconscious mind recently and read it's about 88% of our mind overall. The conscious mind is the other 12%. The subsonscious it sounds can be very dangerous, so with my ex and all the screaming he experienced since a little child, maybe he came to have negative beliefs about himself. I have been telling myself two good affirmations each day since last week, and surprised at how different I already feel. I've had abuse (crimes) so have been through the worthless, ashamed, extreme anxiety feelings...... my powerful subconscious mind was keeping me from recovering sooner as well as lack of therapy (I had an arrogant therapist)..... I was on edge, ready to erupt myself sometimes, and had awful anger episodes on my own because I was angry that I'd been abused. I didn't go crazy and instead survived, but its easy for anyone to do this if ones mind is against them. Maybe both our ex's are in conflict with their subconscious minds? It's like standing on a cliff edge rather than in a peaceful and colorful place.
I am finally accepting I can't fix anything for my ex.