Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
Hi,
So my bf and I have been dating about 5 months. We were friends before dating and have had a pretty good relationship, get along well and no major fighting. I'm 27 and he's 24.
Last month he went to visit his brother and found a stray dog and her puppies under a vacant house. He brought them home (worms, ticks fleas and all) and found homes for 5 of the 6 puppies. I think its great that he took good care of them and found them good homes.
He has the mother dog and one puppy that he's keeping. I can't get over the fact that I honestly feel jealous of these dogs. Ever since he brought them back our relationship is consumed with everything dog. We hardly go out anywhere because he doesnt want to leave them for long and his mom gives him a hard time about watching them. We sit in his room or on the couch to watch TV and the puppy has to sit in the bed with us. If I sleep over I refuse to let the dogs in the bed, he makes me feel guilty about it and says "don't worry, tomorrow you can sleep in daddy's bed" to the dog. I tell him to have the puppy sleep in the crate, she's safer there and it's better for training, he says no, and puts her on a leash just so she will stay in the bed with him and not wander.
The mother dog sheds everywhere. Huge clumps of hair. And she is not trained so she jumps, barks, is pushy, runs out any open door, and she shows her teeth anytime anyone comes over. This is wierd but... he touches her nipples (which have shrunk but are still big from having puppies) and talks to her about her "boobs". He's a whole lot more affectionate with these dogs than he is with me. We have not had sex yet and usually I get one or two kisses, maybe a hug when I'm leaving if I'm lucky.
Ive had dogs my whole life, I love my own dogs dearly. He says my dogs are "loud and too hairy", even though mine hardly shed at all and I give them routine haircuts.
I can't get over how I feel about this... I really like him and things are great in every way but this change has affected our relationship. I was here before the dogs. I would never ask him to get rid of them or anything , but I've tried telling him I need time for just us and less to do with the dogs when we're together, he just gets upset and says "I cant believe you're jealous of a dog".
So my bf and I have been dating about 5 months. We were friends before dating and have had a pretty good relationship, get along well and no major fighting. I'm 27 and he's 24.
Last month he went to visit his brother and found a stray dog and her puppies under a vacant house. He brought them home (worms, ticks fleas and all) and found homes for 5 of the 6 puppies. I think its great that he took good care of them and found them good homes.
He has the mother dog and one puppy that he's keeping. I can't get over the fact that I honestly feel jealous of these dogs. Ever since he brought them back our relationship is consumed with everything dog. We hardly go out anywhere because he doesnt want to leave them for long and his mom gives him a hard time about watching them. We sit in his room or on the couch to watch TV and the puppy has to sit in the bed with us. If I sleep over I refuse to let the dogs in the bed, he makes me feel guilty about it and says "don't worry, tomorrow you can sleep in daddy's bed" to the dog. I tell him to have the puppy sleep in the crate, she's safer there and it's better for training, he says no, and puts her on a leash just so she will stay in the bed with him and not wander.
The mother dog sheds everywhere. Huge clumps of hair. And she is not trained so she jumps, barks, is pushy, runs out any open door, and she shows her teeth anytime anyone comes over. This is wierd but... he touches her nipples (which have shrunk but are still big from having puppies) and talks to her about her "boobs". He's a whole lot more affectionate with these dogs than he is with me. We have not had sex yet and usually I get one or two kisses, maybe a hug when I'm leaving if I'm lucky.
Ive had dogs my whole life, I love my own dogs dearly. He says my dogs are "loud and too hairy", even though mine hardly shed at all and I give them routine haircuts.
I can't get over how I feel about this... I really like him and things are great in every way but this change has affected our relationship. I was here before the dogs. I would never ask him to get rid of them or anything , but I've tried telling him I need time for just us and less to do with the dogs when we're together, he just gets upset and says "I cant believe you're jealous of a dog".
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
And having pets does change the relationship since dogs need care and rely on us for companionship. We have to be sure we're home to let him out, feed him, walk him etc.They're social animals and we work long days so on week nights we tend to not do stuff after work since the dog has been home alone all day. We adore our dog and he gets a lot of attention. We're weirdos, I know.
With that said, was your boyfriend affectionate with you prior to getting the dogs?
Anyway, these dogs, since they were "wild" so to say, have to be trained. It will take time to break the mom of her routine and especially acting defensive when someone comes near her or the pups or maybe soon, your boyfriend. These were abused animals and were scared for their lives before he came along. So they are going to need a lot of attention right now to their behavior straightened out and have them not fear a leaf when it blows by.
That can only come with constant correction and affection. I dont know if your boyfriends behavior is overboard, I may say the same thing about them being able to sleep in the bed when you weren't there cus you dont want it. Who cares about that.
If you like him, stick it out and see what happens in another month once these dogs are farther along in their recovery. Hopefully he starts to clean up after the dog around his room. I can't stand dog hair; pretty much vacuum every day during shedding season and I have a medium hair dog, (black lab mix), so I know that can be an annoyance. may just show you how he will take care of his or your things. He may just be a slob.
Anyway, unless you catch him having sex with the dog, nothing appears unusual at the moment. He seems to have taken a special interest in these abused dogs which shows the level of his compassion and how big his heart is. Thats a good thing. once the newness of the puppies / dogs wear off, you will be better able to tell if your relationship is worth working through or not.
It aint the puppies issue.
Welcome to the group
It sounds like your boyfriend has a passion for animals and it's touched his heart to try and help...
I love animals as well so I get it... A few weeks ago my wee pup developed hind end partial paralysis and I have been spending almost everyday since trying to help him stay on bed rest as he's been ordered to do and gain some movement back
If you can start to look at this as something you may want to get yourself involved in it can be really rewarding... I've rescued dogs as well including my pooch now
Dog crating isn't at all cruel.... You have to have a crate that they'll be comfortable in with a blanket, toys ect and slowly get them used to it leaving the door open for the first while... There are videos about dog crating on Youtube
I actually think it is safer for the puppy then keeping him/her on a leash in bed due to the potential of hanging if you're both sleeping... I don't think a leash is a good idea in bed IMHO
I do think it's a good training tool though... When on a leash the dog sees you as the boss ..
Training takes time and patience and love.... At the beginning of life just like babies, puppies take a lot of all of this and then there is the mom who hasn't had a home and needs to be taught some manners.... These things will fall into place in the next few months but again they take time and patience
I hope you can work it all out sweetie... I don think if you can involve yourself in this you just might find it really rewarding...
You're giving these wee critters another chance.... Big hug...xo
It can turn around things like jumping, barking etc with small treats and positive reinforcement
Daily brushing can help with the hair as well as grooming
I agree that he should be cleaning up after the dog... Then it's a nicer environment for all of you.... xo
My main issue really is that he is more affectionate with them than he is with me and that I want to go out and do things with him instead of sit in the house all day and watch the dogs. As long as they've gone outside and been exercised there's nothing wrong with putting them in the crate to sleep for a couple hours so we can see a movie or go out. I just want alone time with him, not having to always watch a dog or hold it in the car.
The idea that discipline is bad in wrong for animals (that are to be pets) the same as children
Unkind discipline is wrong.. Hitting is wrong but discipline is necessary... They need to know manners and not to bite people.. not to jump on people etc... There are some good online videos on training with kindness but firmness
You could perhaps suggest you go out for a coffee and a talk??... Rather then start with 'you don't care about my dogs' etc... Perhaps if you started with 'this is how I'm feeling'... If he's not defensive it may get you a lot further... I hope you can work out these differences ... All of your dogs are wonderful and important beings I have no doubt
If this mother dog is not really people friendly and has the potential of unpredictable behaviour she would be put down if she was put in a shelter or SPCA as they don't have the time to train animals so he's giving her a chance at life
It's important that you feel important though of course and also your dogs... Maybe a little more balance would be a good thing
Big hug....xo
I really like him, he was a great boyfriend up until this dog thing but I just don't know if things are going to get worse or better. I don't enjoy spending time with him because all it is is me watching the puppy.
If he really cares about this dog then he needs to train it properly
I'm sorry you're hurting sweetie... Unless you want to sort of put your foot down and say we need to go out and have a talk and that you can't go on like this... I don't know what else you can do....xo
http://dogs.about.com/od/dogtraining/a/Bared-Teeth-In-Dogs.htm