Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
I think Julia Roberts summed it up well in Pretty Woman...."Why is it always so much easier to believe the bad stuff?"
Over the years, I have come a long way. Through counseling, contact with others who also struggled through similar (and sometimes very different) circumstances and .....as I began to trust and open up , I would get support, encouragement and kind words from healthier people. (as opposed to those still trapped deepin dysfunction themselves)
Thankfully, I have come to realize that I am a warm caring person who can still reach out to another (There are alot of lonely, sad people ) whether it is a smile and simple hello...or often some light hearted conversation ....just to reach out to them can brighten their day. (Trust me, I know) As far as feeling good enough and still believing all the positives, I am giving up on finding someone special to share all I have to offer with. I am a true romantic who is continuously cut off at the knees.
I did once feel like I found someone who allowed me to oen up and share everything with...and he accepted me just as I am (as I did him). With some recent feedback here (which was given innocently enough by some who don't know my full situation) as well as some recently given reminders from hubby..."And you think another guy is gonna want to deal with you?" He tells me he was kidding, but I know it is to remind me noone will want me.
I do wonder if those who do set out to hurt us with cruel, nasty insults (whether as children or adults) have any idea of the power they do take over our lives? Now, years later....those words wil comeback often to haunt me. I may have gotten to a point where I am discovering what I want and what I have to share if I ever did find someone to share it with, but a few simple words can stab like a paring knife with short quick jabs at a very shaky ego still trying to recover.
To those who do try to escape their pain by inflicting it on others...I would say....Kudos. Job well done. :(
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Look at what my best friend did with my picture!
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We all have 24 hours in a day. How we spend these hours is important. Watching a little bit of a video about how sitting affects us made me aware of how much sitting and laying down I do. Gonna have to work on that.Your turn. Tell me another truth.
You post here about how you want to get out of your crappy marriage, yet you're still there taking all the ish he keeps throwing in your face. YOU are the one who is in control to spend the remainder of how many ever years you have left here on earth.
You post about finding a good man, you have to get rid of the dead weight that's your "loving" husband and then get yourself together. Of course he's going to tell you know other man will want you, that's what controlling a$$holes do so they can keep putting you down to where you do say/think/feel to yourself no other man will want you. I'm not being mean I speak from experience! Way back 23 years ago I had my firstborn and my babydaddy was an a$$ and for the sake of our son I stayed while he belittled me every chance he got and the SOB gave me an STD while I was pregnant with our son! After 6 years (which was 6 years TOO long) I said muck this ish I'm out of here! Can you believe that fool still tries on occasion to come over to try to get back in my bed?!?!
You and only you can take back your power! You're letting him have it all and then some! I get it that starting over is a scary thing, especially for women of an older age, but girl you can sit in your room or wherever you take time to post here, or put some fire under your butt and put the wheels in motion to live your best life!!
Let me ask you this: Regardless of where you are right now, can you imagine the relief, personal happiness and sheer joy of being released from all that negativity to just live your life as you see fit. I could finally find out what you're made of instead of letting others tell you if you are a person of value? I'll bet you would morph into something truly amazing. You seem to be kind, caring and compassionate. All the qualities that make for truly wonderful person.
I have finally stopped the tears. (They do still come as I cling to the realization of being alone) But I have come far enough to know I do still have some value.
I do still hang onto the hope of seeing myself in a small place that is just my own...where I can do as I want when I want to. (No more being on beckon call for so much while he is awake, )
To be able to decorate modestly and make it my own...have it stay clean for more than 30 seconds when I am done.....have friends over if I choose to.
That day is still coming and I do look forward to it. In the meantime, I think I could use a coat of armor to fend off those nasty little digs by hubby...or the realizations as I discover yet another well-meaning guy I do chat with from here proceeds to actually convince me that I am a good person with lots to offer.....then knowing he is reeling me in, does ask for whatever it is HE WANTS.
I can no longer trust my own judgement...it seems instead of a scarlet letter, I have a golden S (for sucker) on my forehead. (And it doesn't show up on my mirror so I had no idea it was there.)
I think you have to just have to be the hero in your own life sometimes. Finding a good man is not the answer.