Healthy Relationships Support Group
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Lately I've been feeling less attracted to my husband. I don't really know why except that he's been doing some things that are aggravating and frankly turn me off. I was trying to get a show we watch onto a thumb drive and I found his porn. I know he watches it, and it was only two videos on the hard drive, but one of them was of a threesome and God knows what the other one was. We briefly discussed a threesome in the past which I brought up as a potential way to help with my performance anxiety (I have a hard time achieving the big O) and he was inappropriately pushy about it and I backed out. It felt like he was looking for any reason to have sex with another woman even though he said the first time would be all about me. We haven't talked about it since. But lately, I don't know, he's just going to work and he'll get home at like 1030-11 and he'll give me a kiss and I'll ask how his night at work went and we'll smoke a cigarette and talk a little about the day and sometimes make a grocery list together but then he'll get his TV downloaded and start playing this dumb game he put on his phone and then stay up all night until like 3 or 4am when I have to get up at 6am to be ready for work. There's no romance, there's no intimacy beyond him putting a hand on my leg. It's boring. I'm not like asking we rip each other's clothes off and go at it as soon as he gets home but damn, it's like we're Lucy and Ricky and should have separate beds. I don't know, it just feels like there's a disconnect there and I'm trying desperately to hang on but it feels like we've become roommates. Maybe it's just coz we both work all the time, I don't know. He does some things around the house but I do more. He acknowledges when I do stuff. But it feels like that spark we used to have for each other is fading. And I don't know what to do about it.
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Look at what my best friend did with my picture!
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We all have 24 hours in a day. How we spend these hours is important. Watching a little bit of a video about how sitting affects us made me aware of how much sitting and laying down I do. Gonna have to work on that.Your turn. Tell me another truth.
I can't imagine any scenario in which a threesome fixes relationship issues.
His staying up late playing computer games is making him spiral ever inwards.
If you have a heart to heart with him in order to work on "us"
And he doesn't want to hear it, them you need to consider how you live on your own either in a one sided marriage or own your own.
My thought is that you can't have an O because your husband is not meeting your emotional needs and he doesn't see it. He wants an exciting sex life but he doesn't understand that it starts with him making you feel loved, wanted, desired, happy and content .
Are you able to verbalized what kind of things or actions on his behalf would give you this kind of security? Do you know exactly what his needs are ?
When there is such a disconnect it starts a vicious cycle of dysfunction.
Lots of people watch porn. I know my bf does but it doesn't bother me because he makes me feel like I m #1 source of his pleasure and desire.
I hope you will be able to work it out
Yup, big prude .
For example I brought up this time the other night about when there was a moth in the house and my boyfriend and I were up with all the lights on dance around with a card board box and a broom trying to kill it! He was so determined and I was just there to help. The moth flew at me I hit it down with the box and he smashed it with the broom into the tile! We laughed for hours*
Stupid can be funny! And laughter heals
Being honest in the relationship only helps get the yucky out that your holding inside! Feel better be just telling him what you don't want shut inside anymore. Secrets will kill you and only you who is holding on to them!
How about tell him of something doesn't change.. sex, attention ect... it will be the end of your marriage?!?
I don't know your H.. but mine would like a massage and dinner... and me waking him up in the middle of the night with my mouth on his meat lol
"You guys can screw each other for days on end but if there is an underlying issue in terms of depth and closeness in your relationship, fucking ain't gonna solve for that. Just my humble opinion."
and ... You seem to be willing to address the relationship and aren't putting all the blame on him, He seems to put all the burden of blame and "fixing things on you ... that is pretty dam selfish