Because someone has a mental illness that never excuses really bad behaviour

There are still consequences to actions.... It almost 'sounds' like he may be manic?

It doesn't seem like he is working on his mental health

I would call his psychiatrist and let him/her know what's going on and do what you need to do for yourself and your children

The doctor probably won't be able to tell you what's going on with him unless he has permission to however you can tell the doctor what you're going through

It would be good if you could have a joint appt with the doctor and be open and honest about what's going on with your husband there

I realize this is pretty new in his treatment however he really needs to be working towards stability and engaged in his treatment

I'm wondering if he might be bipolar??

Big hug.... I know that this must be really painful.... xo

Symptoms of bipolar disorder

https://www.healthline.com/health/could-it-be-bipolar-signs-to-look-for#7-signs-of-depression

Are you getting professional help? It might be good for you to have seone to talk to to help you navigate some of this and also to take care of your own emotional needs

Thank you all. I am seeing a counselor. I am just at a very low point. I guess I am hoping someone has made it through something like this and has some words of wisdom.

You are in such a tough spot... I can’t imagine what it feels like.
My #1 worry is your kids - they are undoubtedly traumatized already. I would probably assess the damages and predict future damages. If you stay and they continue to endure the effects of this struggle, it is going to continue to damage them. If he leaves the house, they will have better living conditions, but if he kills himself, they will have to deal with that for the rest of their lives.
I m glad he is getting treatment.. but getting on meds is only a small part of getting things under control. He has to have really good insight into his psychiatric disorder to continue on the path of recovery. To change his life style, he would need at least 2 years of constant treatment AND a strong desire to succeed.
When he tells you that he is not good for you, it may be a good idea to pay close attention, because it may be the truth.
However, it is probably a bad idea to listen to words of a person who is unstable in every way. Their thoughts and desires and intentions change from day to day..
It is very possible for someone with mental illness to gain control over his life, but you would know best what the chances are here.
What is he like as a person? Does he have any commitments in his past which he did follow through with consistently ? If the answer is “ no”, the chances of him getting better and saving your marriage would drop drastically.
If he has been able to maintain some commitments like performing well at work, taking care of the children well, then there is hope.
Hope he feels better and that your marriage will bounce back

Yes people can get through it IF he is working to become stable.... Whether in a depression or another disorder these are treatable disorders however he has to be engaged in the treatment

You have to work with the disorder not against it in order to find stability

My heart aches for you and your family. This is such a tough situation.
I can not speak for the depression, attempted suicide but I can speak to the infidelity. My husband had an affair after 22 yrs. of marriage. I was completely blindsided. It rocked my world. Just prior to my finding out my husband had dramatically pulled away from everything in our lives. He stopped going to church, he stopped seeing most of our close friends. He even found excuses to not go to our daughters events or if he went he showed up at the last minute and left as soon as it was over. He seemed as though he was going through depression and in a sense he was. He was ashamed of his affair and yet that affair was giving him something he thought he needed. It was a vicious cycle. Long story short, I wasn't about to give up on 22 yrs of marriage and my life without a fight. We went to counseling, thankfully he wanted to make things work and he put in the hard work to make things right. That was 11 yrs ago and we have the best marriage now.
One thing you might consider and it won't be easy but you need to put some boundaries on your husbands coming and going. Move him back into your bedroom. Get into the same bed with him even if there is distance between you. Hold him accountable to you and the family. He can't have his cake and eat it too. You made a commitment to each other "through better or worse, sickness and health". You can't honor those commitments if you aren't going through things together. I know for a fact it's not easy. My husband was going to "move into the other room" and I told him that we are still married and if he was going to be in our house then he was going to be in our bedroom. I wanted to puke every time he came to bed but I stood firm. I turned away from him but we were still in the same bed. It was a starting point.
Of course my husband also used the line, "you should find somebody else who will treat you the way you deserve." I told him I had already found that person, except that person went away for awhile but I'm staying put until he finds his way back. Thankfully all of my risks paid off and he found his way back.
I hope this helps. Keep taking care of yourself, eat right, get rest because you'll need your strength. Keeping you and your family in my prayers.

Your husband actually sounds very manipulative to me in the coming and going like a bachelor and spending money -- although if he is bipolar and solely put on antidepressants, perhaps he has gone into manic. Is husband still having the affair? Have you talked to the husband's best friend, does he know? I am thinking perhaps you are carrying a big secret which has caused you to have a lot of loss. The best friend and the husband - both relationships shot to poop from their affair I would guess. I am not a doctor but I have seen loved ones put on the wrong medication and go from terribly depressed to manic. You will have to decide what is best for you and your kids. Counseling could help. Will your husband change? That is the big crap shoot. See if there are NAMI groups near you. Couples counseling seems to be a big need for you two also.

I wanted to say that I was formerly married to a man with mental illness who refused to get help or do what he needed to do to live a normal and health life. He was very manic most of the time, occasionally depressed. At the end of our marriage, I had to realize that it was time to put me first, my emotional wellness first. I could not save the marriage because my ex refused to take his mental illness seriously or be willing to live a stable life. It took me a long time to realize that things were not going to get better with him. It was very sad for me. I think that you need to put on your own life jacket first, and then help your kids. Not every person wants the same things as we want. He was having an affair but when his lover broke up with him, he spiraled more into wild behavior. I just wanted a peaceful family life and realized I could not get it with this man. It took me a long time to puzzle this out and I felt very sad about how the marriage was all one sided (all me giving) and how dysfunctional my children's father had become.

I have been through something similar. Believe me (years back). I do not like to talk about it, but it is similar to your situation. Please, trust me. Suicide is not the answer. If you feel alone, know that Jesus is always with you. If you put your trust in him, He will bring you through all of your issues.
Persistence is key