I'm not involved with anyone in the military, but is there something on your mind that maybe we could help you with?

Thanks for asking.
I am dating someone who was military and I feel a lot of our “issues” are from a personality disorder that was caused from being military but I’m not sure.
I have a friend who’s husband has the exact same issues, so I am wondering if it’s a common problem, I’m also wondering if there is hope that it gets better or easier over time.
My boyfriend is very insecure, he doesn’t trust me at all, he regularly gets upset at me when I share my view on things if it’s different than his, he hates authority of any any kind, so if I ask for help on something he gets upset because he feels I’m trying to control him and tell him what to do... it’s just odd that my friends life mirrors mine so much and we both ended up with ex military people. Because prior to my boyfriend, I have never dated anyone like this... so to find out my friends husband is almost the exact same, i surprising. She has been with him for 8 years and never shared her experiences until I started sharing mine recently. I was hoping to connect with others who are in relationships with ex military, in hopes of seeing if that connection is the cause. If so it gives me a starting point of “getting help”. The good with my boyfriend is really good! But these issues are big issues. I am hoping to start seeing a therapist so I can get assistance in how to handle the issues.

If he was in combat he may have PTSD.... Here's signs and symptoms of the disorder

https://psychcentral.com/ptsd/posttraumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd-symptoms/

If it’s partly because he was in the military, does it ultimately matter? I know it could explain some behavior regardless, he’d have to recognize he has issues and then seek help to change. I don’t think this kind of behavior mellows over time. At his age he’s had years to become who he is.

Glad you are going to see a therapist to help you sort it out. Because you are right. These are big issues.

I am the widow of a vet who served for 13 years in the Army. Honestly, I think the military corrected some of his personality insecurities. So my perspective will be a bit different. I have relatives who I believe also came out of the service with better heads on their shoulders and much more respectful.

That said, did you know him before he was in the service? Have you talked to any of his family or friends? Even though many of our service persons come home with emotional baggage that they have a hard time dealing with there is always that very real possibility that he already had issues prior to being in the military and your friends husbands issue is just a coincidence.

Hopefully a therapist can help weed out some of this for you. In the end nothing will change unless he wants it to.

I tend to agree that these traits were likely there prior to going into the military. PTS from combat would be an exception. It also doesn’t make sense to me that a person who hates authority would choose to stay in the military that long let alone want to join the military at all. He’s likely been insecure his whole life.