Are there other indications she’s having an affair outside of her phone and texts? Has she told you she wants to leave you?

she has not said she wants to leave me. But i keep catching her in lies as to where she has been. she will go by herself to watch a sunset.and not tell me about it for hours /days. she even takes pictures but doesnt send them to me.

I don't know you and can only go by what you write. You indicate a lot of "red flags".

Are you asking for permission to put a spy app on her phone?

Number one, you are catching her in lies so you must acknowledge within yourself that she is a liar. If you can accept that, you can stop torturing yourself so much. This means the relationship is built on lies.

Her taking photos and not sending them to you is not something that makes me feel she is cheating. I don't send my photos to my spouse. I take my photos for my own pleasure and no, I am not cheating on him.

let me explain a little better. we are both home. she says she is going to CVS.and she does. but she takes a ride to the waterfront to watch a romantic sunset by herself even takes pictures.. gets home and doesnt tell me anything about it..and im not asking permission to put a spy app on her phone. i said that to let people know im at mt breaking point and dont know what else to do

Let's say you put a spy ap on her phone and she finds out, and she isn't having an affair, how would that affect her trust of you? And if you put the spy ap on her phone and do find out that she is having an affair, then you have to face up to how you found out.

Clearly there is an issue of trust for the both of you, and you need to get that figured out. Maybe offer to go with her to watch the sunset. Maybe she needs some space from you since you are both home all day together. Talk about it first! Before jumping to conclusions.

I caution against using a "spy ap", and if you really must just check your detailed cell phone records. Further, if you really must address your questions, then follow her one day, that would be less invasive than a spy ap. And if you find out that she is just watching sunsets by herself, how would you feel? Relieved? or silly? or if you did find her meeting someone else? Then what would you do? In the end, your best bet is to just talk to her about your relationship, and figure out how to connect and reach her, and work on your own (apparent in the asking) doubts and insecurity.

And you're right, if you ask her "are you having an affair" and she is, she will most likely lie, because people on the spot lean toward their defenses. Unless you've asked multiple times, or you make the space "safe" enough for her to come clean. So, you're at your breaking point? Start by talking with her, and getting involved in her interests - maybe she doesn't think you'd be interested in teh sunset? Figure that out.

Best to you.

I don’t tell my husband every single thing I do. So if I run to the grocery store and stop to visit my aunt first (I do this occasionally) I don’t think to tell him that sometimes. I go for walks and drives all the time and take pictures of sunrises, sunsets, and everything else in between and don’t always share them with my spouse. They are for me. My time alone is for me alone.

Does she literally lie to you or is it that, because she doesn’t tell you something, she is lying? Is she cooped up at home all day and just needs time for herself?

I’m not trying to be argumentative but just trying to understand.

Putting a spy app on someone's phone is illegal in most states. Even if you are married to them.

If you have access to her phone to install this app, theoretically you could just look in her phone to see if there are conversations on there with someone else. But again, this is a breach of her privacy and it shouldn't have to get to this point in your marriage.

When you say she is - going to look at romantic sunsets and taking pictures but doesn't tell you about this - then how do you know she is doing this?

Can you just talk to her and tell her your concerns about her whereabouts and ask her if there is something about the marriage she is not happy about?

Big hug rias... I'm sorry that you're hurting...

If you are both at home together all of the time it might be just that she wants some time for herself however I would ask her to see her phone

Tell her that you're feeling insecure and that it would help you to just see her phone...

Being transparent in a relationship isn't a bad thing... I would let her know that it would help you to see her phone

I hope that it goes well for you.... xo

I don’t know if your wife is having an affair or not but I’ll say this. If you love your wife and really want to know, tell her you want to go to marriage counseling because you are concerned about the state of your marriage.

Because most people don’t just assume their spouse is cheating based in flimsy evidence unless there has been ongoing problems in
the marriage or the accuser has not been
the best of spouses themself.

I agree with rmb there, too.

I think talking about this issue with her is best. Like for example I see your pics of the beautiful sunset would of loved to be there with you or is that your alone time? Ask her see how it goes.

I guess my biggest problem is when I catch her in a lie. She has an IPhone.and I can track her because I know her password.so when she tells me she's shopping and I know she's not there. Well. It hurts. And I have talked to her .3 times. About us. And about her going by herself to see the sunset.and about her always being on her phone or iPad.. she tells me she won't do that anymore if it bothers me. Then a few days go by and she's back to doing it.

A few weeks ago she couldn't find her phone.so I used the Find my device for her IPhone.. To find her phone.a few days later she changed her password.

I think she takes pictures of the sunset and sends them to her boyfriend.but how would I know if she is emailing or texting Someone.there is know why to find deleted messages.

I believe our cellular carrier lists all the numbers to which calls and texts were sent to on any given month as part of our detailed monthly bill. Doesn’t tell you who the number belongs to but you can often Google phone numbers and narrow down who is attached to the number.

If she’s not being forthcoming that is hurtful. I understand that.