I came on this site because I needed to talk to someone about what is going on in my life.i know in my heart and my head that something is not right.she recently had a cosmetic procedure.botox. you know when she told me.as she was walking out the door to have it done.it cost$500.00 . don't you think she should have talked to me about it.

It sounds like you need to sit down and have a real conversation with your wife.

The things your talking about don't necessarily point to an affair. I stop and look at Sunsets over the mountains and take pictures of them all the time....and my significant other never wants to know where I am or why I didn't get back as soon as he thought I should. If I go out to the store, odds are I remember 2 or 3 other stops I need to make once I'm out and I do.

I talk to people on my phone and laptop all the time as does my 'siggy" and we don't question each other about who we're speaking to....we both have friends and colleagues and family members....

If he ever tracked. my phone with a "find my phone app" or "put a spy app" on my. phone, I'd leave him immediately, because at that point trust is gone for no reason except speculation.

The botox procedure, yeah she should have discussed that with you.

But it sounds like your imagination is getting away with you and you need to sit down with you wife and let her know what's going on in your head and figure out if this is a problem or if its just your imagination going off.

I wonder if maybe it isn't an affair, but perhaps she is preparing herself for something else. I think you may well be right to be suspicious of something, if only because you clearly are missing parts in teh personal connection department.

THank you for sharing your story, and elaborating on more details. That is helpful for us to help you, as best as we can. The key here really is that you need to talk with her. Ask to go see a sunset with her - or don't ask, just make it happen one day (i.e. pay attention to the sky, and then say "hey, honey, it's gorgeous out here, come take a look! or purposely arrange to be near a good spot for sunset viewing at the right time.) Try to find some things to do together outside of hte house. Figure out what you enjoy doing together. If you can't find those common items, well affair or no affair, you both would have some work to do or some recognition that you need to be honest with yourselves about the status of your relationship.

if you love her take the chance that maybe she's just doing something for her. I am in a similar situation. I don't know how long you've been together but look at that. Has she given you a reason not to trust her over the years? Is there a reason she would cheat on you? has something change. Talk to her but don't bring up the cheating suspicions, maybe say something like "I think I've been in a slump, have I change in any way regarding our love?" (add your spin on it.) If you want to make this work give her the benefit of the doubt, your in a better situation then most guys/girls.

You've explained yourself over the course of this conversation and you have lists of good reasons to wonder about your wife. If the cell phone bill is in your name, get the entire bill with the lists of calls made from each phone and satisfy your curiosity.

You obviously are very upset with this, and we can't know so we give her the benefit of the doubt. You say you know.... I accept that you know.

You are in a very painful position with this marriage. You are trying, and have tried. Get yourself to a divorce attorney this week to find out what divorce means in your state or country. She is not going to change. You write about how she lies to you all the time - accept that then. She lies so know this and accept it. She is not going to change if she is a nefarious person like you think she is. I am sorry, I was married to someone who was a nefarious person and it was painful. Looked me in the eyes and lied, lied, lied. Thought I was so stupid I'd never find out. He didn't bother to cover his tracks because his own arrogance was huge and he devalued me. Divorce hurt but I was liberated from the deceit.

I agree that you need to have a really open and honest conversation with her about your concerns and I agree with others about looking at the phone bill.... It sounds like you have a perhaps?? 'gut feeling' and I don't think that they should be ignored... Big hug....xo

I know on the surface things i have mentioned dont seem like a big deal.but she has never been like this.. we both love sunsets. and we both think its very romantic so. maybe it's just me.. but if i left my wife home and drove down to the beach to watch the sunset by myself.and then not tell her. .well i think it would be wrong. and hurtful if/when she finds out.now if she wasnt around..and i did the same thing.. well. what i would do is take a picture and send it to her.and say something like ..wish you were here..or missing you..so.. her going to see sunsets and taking pictures.. and not sending me the pictures.... or telling me she there.. well ... it makes me wonder if she is sending them to someone else..anyway. its just a lot of little things.. i work a few overnight shitfs every week..and she use to send me a text before she went to bed.. that stopped.. i wanted to take her out for lunch/dinner.but she was affrid because of covid. then a few days later hers friends ask her to join them for lunch and she has problem going with them.. i have one day off a week and dont you know she makes/plans all her appiontments on that day.. she also ask about having seperate beds...oh well.. its nice to be able to talk about it..thanks to everyone for taking the time to listen and respond.. it helps..

I have an iPhone and if I message someone with an iPhone it doesn’t show up on my bill as iMessage is a messaging system within apple so you would need to contact apple for a copy of actual texts which they will only do by court order I believe . If she is texting someone who doesn’t have an iPhone or isn’t using the iMessage it will show up on the bill

Yeah asking for separate beds does seem a bit odd, unless she has a good explanation for wanting that arrangement. I honestly think you may just need to be very direct with her about your concerns in the relationship and not let her poopoo them. I still am not sure if she’s having an affair but she may just be generally unhappy in the marriage. Or checked out of the marriage. Only she can answer that though.

So maybe an idea is to approach her from the angle of the marriage being in trouble vs specifically accusing her of having an affair. If she is not having an unfair but you accuse her of that, it invalidates any deeper issues in the marriage in my mind. She won’t take you seriously.

Conversely, if she is having an affair, the more you press on addressing the issues of the marriage and in your relationship, I suspect she would eventually stop denying and cop to an affair.

I pretty much agree with what rmb said above. She does seem checked out and you both deserve to know what that is about.

Thank you for sharing more, it really does help when no one here knows each other and you're new and we don't know you either. I hope you didn't feel like you had to justify your feelings or experience, but having more context really does help others to help you better by knowing more of what you're really experiencing and then give more relevant advice or responses. Thank you for sharing.

Totally agree!