Healthy Relationships Support Group

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i need help quickly

gabriel2012
gabriel2012
I have chronic fatigue syndrome or cfs. Back in September I got a cold from my girlfriend and I went into a four month relapse of cfs during which I felt terrible every night. I lost many days of work at my part time job. I had a terrible time. My girlfriend got sick again 12 days ago with a sore throat and body aches and generally feeling very tired and unwell. Later the sore throat went away and she developed a cough.She took antibiotics but did not go to a doctor. She tells me she has been feeling well since yesterday. This was the first day she did not feel unwell, she did not have body aches and she did not feel tired other than normal tiredness from work. Her cough is also gone. She wants to come visit me tomorrow. (She lives 2 hours away from me).I am really scared that she is still contagious and that I might go into another 4 month cfs relapse. She says she cannot come see me in a long time after this weekend. I dont know what to do. I have already expressed concern to her about getting what she had and she got upset. She said I dont want to see her. I told her I really want to see her but that I am worried that she is contagious. We cut the conversation because she was at work. But we will talk again in a few hours. Any suggestions as to what should I do? Is she still contagious? I feel that if she comes I will feel fearful while she is here. But maybe there is nothing I should worry about. I dont know. I am confused. I dont want to hurt her feelings but I dont want another 4 month relapse. I cant afford to miss work and I dont think I can stand the suffering for another 4 months. I feel happy that I am finally almost completely recovered. If I go through another 4 month relapse this will also affect our relationship. We spent four month without having sex or going out or doing much at all. Please tell me what you think. I am extremely confused. And very scared.
gabriel2012
gabriel2012
I hear what all of you are saying. But my mother just made me very afraid that my gf is going to resent this VERY much. That she will not forgive me for this one. You are saying that is selfish behavior. My mother does not think so. She thinks my gf is right in getting very upset and resent this very much.
MTZ3
MTZ3
Gabriel, again, I am sorry you're dealing with this stress, but do what you can, to go with your gut,and stick by it without remorse... ultimately, it's not your mom, your uncle, friend, gf, whomever that has to deal with the consequences if you get sick. Were these people there for you, the last time you were sick, pay your bills, do your housekeeping, provide other emotional support?

As for offending your gf, yup I agree, a very real possibility, but is it worth it (risking getting sick)? Only you can decide. Will these people who who advise you to go through with it, be there for you if you get sick (miss more work?). Or will they tell you to suck it up, add to you feeling miserable?
jancam
jancam
Well..
I sure wouldn't let her know you'd had two Dr.s tell you she's no longer contagious, if you're going to tell her to stay away.
I think your fear will ruin her time with you, anyway.
Hmm.. I'd steal myself for this being a deal-breaker for her.

I won't go into the reasons I sometimes have the same concerns..
I'll just say..
I've had to learn to live with caution..
Without letting fear be my guide.

Good luck
jc
MTZ3
MTZ3
Gabriel, I guess i am wondering the last time you got sick (after exposed to your gf illness), was she considered contagious? Maybe you don't know. But it is possible you caught it from someone else (while at work, shopping, where ever)?
Aronia
Aronia
Wear a mask.
onetoomany
onetoomany
If she was on antibiotics then she is no longer contagious.
MTZ3
MTZ3
Except antibiotics don't treat the common cold or other viruses...just bacteria infections....which at be result of cold and viruses (ear infections, pneumonia, etc...)...in those cases antibiotics do not always work...
Community Leaderbobinmaine
bobinmaine
I would ask my doctor if she can still be a carrier even though she just got over being sick and if the doctor thinks you should avoid your girlfriend.

Good Luck!
BedHog
BedHog
Do you go out in public?
You are at risk of catching a cold from strangers, so I don't think it makes sense to be so paranoid about your gf.
Be deligent about washing hands and not eating or drinking from the same utensils, the same as you should be doing all the time.
mellowamethyst
mellowamethyst
I have a weakened immune system because of my health condition, so I understand your worries. My husband has to be particularly safe and works hard to avoid picking up germs, not only for me, but also for his patients since he works in a hospital. We both practice appropriate hand washing and carry hand sanitizer everywhere. It's important that anytime you're in public and touch unfamiliar surfaces you sanitizer and wash your hands as soon as possible...also it's extremely important you don't touch your face especially your eyes, nose, and mouth. In the case with your partner, I'd see no problem with you seeing them because they're most likely no longer contagious, to be safe you could wear a mask. You should also avoid swapping bodily fluids, so kissing would be a no-no. It would also be very important that you wash your hands before eating or drinking and again, no touching the face.
MTZ3
MTZ3
Bed hog,I agree with you, and Aronia for that matter... However with this being a gf, I don't know how to say this, being attracted to each other, sex could happen? And or she be hurt if turned down? Or maybe he thinks f it, he's in the mood... Regret it later? In which case maybe a talk is all that is needed to happen, but can be awkward if things are already strained. Just a thought...
MTZ3
MTZ3
Mellow, so sorry you're dealing with that...thank you for posting those suggestions (I thought about posting a similar thing, but wasn't quite sure how to word all of that).

I just know before my mom went through chemo therapy she went through a battery of tests (including dental exams), since once she started chemo it would severely compromise her immune system (knock her off her feet), and she'd not be able to fight off this stuff (unlike the average joe on the street). Based on what the oringinal poster said, his immune system is also weak/ compromised (last illness took 4 months to recover).

My son, who has mild autism, and mild allergies, also seems to be prone to illness (due to his compromised immuned system). Sucks for him...

Having said that, I don't think a person suffering such conditions should live in a bubble, there are some common sense handling practices that can help prevent contracting such illnesses (as the previous poster said), However, when in a dating situation, bringing up the topic can be somewhat sensitive, awkward, hard to talk about. The SO may take it the wrong way,...which is, the way it is. for those who...have health/ mental issues...
mellowamethyst
mellowamethyst
The face touching thing really gets people. No one truly realizes just how often they actually touch their face, until they start consciously observing their own behavior. We all do it, we scratch our noses, wipe our mouth across the back of our hands, brush hair out of the way, the list goes on. It's really important to embrace the elbow, cough, sneeze, etc. into the elbow, so your hand stays away from the face as much as possible, also so you don't add additional germs to your hands. Last time I saw the research I believe it was that the average person touches their face 3.6 times an hour, also touches common objects and surfaces 3.3 times an hour...at that rate it makes self-inoculation very prevalent. We all think we get sick from others, but a lot of the time we really just make ourselves sick...we touch the germs, we then transfer them right into our own body through our very own hands.
koolman
koolman
She could pick up a mask from the nearest pharmacy that she could wear over her nose and mouth when you're together. There may be no kissy-kissy or sex (without a condom), but at least you two could spend some quality time together cuddling, watching TV and talking.
koolman
koolman
Or, as Aronia said, YOU could wear the mask, gabriel.
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