Alas, the promises and battles of will to do better never worked for me, either. As much as I would love to be a brand new me tomorrow morning, habits die hard and wounds need time to heal.

I got/am getting a handle on my own compulsive lying by holding myself accountable for the lie and making amends before the truth can come back and bite me in the ass. Each time I fessed up to the lie and made amends, the wisdom of telling the truth sunk a little deeper into my wounded psyche. Lies still slip out of my mouth every now and again, but. . . Works in progress. . . For sure, I sleep better when I take action before I get busted and have to clean up an even bigger mess than I started with.

Gentle support while you find what works for you. Be gentle with yourself and everybody attached to the dilemma.

Therapy can help a borderline personality however you really have to plug into the help

It won't be easy for a while but you can do this and your life will improve a great deal..... One day at a time.....Big hug......xo

Starting here is a good first step. I encourage, if you have not done so, seeking counseling, and include your significant other in those sessions.

And good for you on the decision not to drink or smoke weed. Not only are they crutches, they are detrimental to physical and mental health.

Get a journal and write down your everyday struggles and successes. I always go for the two journal approach, but that's my preference. You'll find what works for you. These are only suggestions. One journal, should you choose this approach, will be for lies, while the other will be for truths. Don't be discouraged if, at the beginning, that truth journal fills up less quickly. That will come with time.

Start every morning with a face to face conversation with yourself. You don't want to be lied to, so don't lie to yourself. Further, your facial expressions can give you clues as to what triggers your lies, and what other people see when you lie, as well as when you tell the truth.

Find a sponsor.

Ascribe to a set of beliefs or values that will help hold you accountable. Cling to those in tough times, for there will be plenty of those. Have faith, and don't give up.

And lastly, remember that although your relationship status helped move you to make this decision, it's most important to do this for yourself above all.

Best wishes.

As children, we often learn very dysfunctional ways of living, behaving, thinking, that serve us in the situations we grow up in. Then when we become adults, these behaviors, thinking, ways of being, often don't serve us well any longer. Some things take skilled guidance, either a therapy group or individual therapy. Look into dialectical behavior therapy for BPD. At some point, you'll have to decide if being a slave to your emotions and impulses is serving you badly or well. How the trauma of the past doesn't have to limit your future, if you decide to change. You don't have to change but you indicate you'd like to conquer your worst self and turn it into your better self. When we decide that we've had enough and take responsibility for our own actions, words, deeds, behavior, we will find the strength to change. Change is hard, its easier to be on the merry go round of up and down with relationships for some people. So often, we want to blame everyone else. Its with the deciding to fix us, and doing our hard work, that we find stability. Good luck to you.