It is a complicated concept but probably yes

Relationships of all kinds should be supportive, motivating and enhancing. They should be mutually beneficial, as in you should want the other to be the best they can be, to grow and learn as a person. To be friends and have fun too is vital. Unconditional positive regard and respect.
And if it is a sexual relationship the sex should be on the same level of mutual satisfaction as the rest of the relationship.

I also don't look at other guys when I am with someone, or if I do I know its not a great sign! My mind has detached from the person I am with!my body will surely follow!

I think that is healthy.
So now I reflect upon my own relationship - hmmm it sure comes up short in lots of areas!

He is supportive financially. tick. Although I have no money of my own or am aware of what our financial situation even is - its something my Husband will not share or want me to share with him.

Supportive emotionally - it appears so but it is inconsistent and patchy, only supportive if he approves of what I am doing, if he doesn't then its blanked.

motivating and enhancing? Hmm not sure. He has motivated me to get my butt in gear to fulfil my potential but I have had to push for this. He has paid for my training as he wants a wife he can boast about, he loves to boast to people his wife has her own business and office etc. siiigh. But he would prefer me to stay at home and take care of him 24/7. He was very very happy when I did this - including sex on tap of course and holidays when he said so and to where he wanted to go.

When we first got together he promised me we would buy a space and convert it into a creative therapy centre. We looked at lots of places, it turned out it was all a fantasy and he didn't have the funds to even get close to doing that. But by then it was too late, I had relocated

I surrendered my emotional security for my financial security.
siiiiggghhhh

"Am I the only one that thinks you should be the best person you can be for the person you love?"

No you're not. But there are ideals and goals, and then there is execution. All of us fail at the execution from time to time, some more than others.

Here's where I think it gets a little dicey: when you put your own happiness and potential in someone elses hands, it removes your own responsibility from meeting your own needs and finding a way to be happy and feel good about yourself, independent of a partner. Otherwise, it's very easy to blame a partner for your own unhappiness or lack of motivation. That falls squarely on you and no one else. If it doesn't, then you set yourself up for a lifetime of disappointment with the people you become involved with.

rmb! That was some smart stuff right there!

I totally agree!

People are flawed. enjoy the ones who live up to our expectations and forgive the ones who don't, but don't give either your personal power.

I used to say.. " I did this, because you did that"

Now I ask myself, what path should I choose that would make ME most proud of myself if there were No one else in the equation? Then I try to choose that path.

I always think of a quote... " It's never been about you and them, it's always been about you and HIM"

Not sure if that's the whole thing, but it makes me feel strong on my own when I think of it. I think it belongs to Mother Theresa but I'm not sure.

I'm not saying that I want a codependent relationship but I'm going to look at future relationships differently and frequently ask myself if I actually care about this person's goals she set out for herself and if I could support her as she achieves them. I'm going to ask myself if I think she's being supportive to me and my goals. If there's a no to either question I know there's not much of a reason to stay in the relationship.
Sounds harsh but I don't want to be in a relationship where I feel that I'm just holding someone back from their full potential or visa versa.
I don't know if I will ever find someone that will fulfill the wants that have when thinking of an ideal spouse but I think they are requirements that should be met.

I'm not really talking about co-dependency, but more about how being an independent person with your own goals, desires, dreams, motivations, etc should be a given, regardless of who you're with, or if you're with anyone at all. I think for me, what's attractive in people is that they don't need me to be all about their goals and their desires. They just do what they do, and whether I think their goals are meaningful or not, it's really not up to me to say. It's for them to decide what's meaningful.

I think when you are confident and have your own goals and things going on, that is ATTRACTIVE in itself. So if you're just doing your thing, you will find people who are doing their thing. In that sense, this won't even become a requirement in finding someone else. It'll just be a given because it will be what attracts you to each other.

And I'm not telling you how to think or feel so I'm sorry if it comes across that way. I just think when we have these "ideal relationship" scenarios and requirements, we can set ourselves up for a failure with some people because it's not realistic or we can bypass really good people because they don't meet a strict criteria we've put out there. It's not like buying a house.

rmb - YES! just nailed it right there. That is it exactly.

I think theres a book along these lines - The Road Well Traveled I think its called.

Happiness in life comes from having purpose and direction - our own not someone else's.