Hi! I'm new on here. I just feel very bad right now, and I've got nobody to talk that can give me advice. I'm a 18 year old girl, dating a 18 year old nb person (afab)– just clearing it up because it explains many things in the relationship. F.e. why our parents don't know - and will not know anytime soon - about the fact that we're dating.

It seems too good so far, we love eachother, we can talk about our needs in the relationship and everything's well except for a thing.

 They have a tendendency to disappear for hours and hours. Before, they didn't really do that, or not that often. I get really anxious specially because since some months ago, before our relationship started, they were feeling suicidal. They said at the moment they were out of the feelings but that marked me. They had a plan, everything. So every time they disappear without explanation I start overthinking and situating myself in the worst case scenario - specially because they've had attempts. They're going to psychiatrist now,  but i can't just stop my worries. They said it to me, that they're tempted with all the meds. Worrying and panicking, this has been almost everyday since this all happened.

Their sleep schedule is really messed up. We live im the same city, yet they tend to stay awake until very late (6am or so) and sleep during all morning and wake up until noon. I'm kinda used to that, it has been like this for months. But this days we just talk for a bit, brief moment - then they disappear. Probably sends me something in the middle of the night, but sometimes they don't. For example, yesterday, they answered me like at 6pm. Hasn't talked to me again since. Of course I'm worried. Sometimes when they disappear it's when bad stuff happens. I try to set my mind into past experiences 'last time they did something like this they were doing whatever thing' but my other past experiences are also 'when something like this happened they hurt themselves/had problems/etc.'

They know this. I've told them to tell me when they go out or is gonna be busy or just don't feel like talking rn, just so i don't get panicked. They do, but other times they just don't.

I know that it isn't their fault. They have been struggling with their mental health, and i know it's not personal with me. I do feel so egoistic thinking about this - i just feel so unconsidered. One time they said "You're the only reason I'm still alive, i don't hurt myself because I consider how bad you will feel" and days later they proceeded to hurt themselves and more. I'm just tired. Sometimes i feel like they aren't interested on me at all. We can barely see eachother, specially due covid, will probably become harder because they will move to another city, the only thing we've got is texting and calling. And they just don't seem to care sometimes. While i know some people don't like to do that everyday they could just be a bit considerate with me, as they know how anxious i get. 

I don't know what to do, really. I hope I can get some advice, because I'm really sad about this.