sorry ur going through this, did u try talking to him about how you feel?
sending u warm hugs

Hello Mercedes. Welcome to the forum.

I have gone through similar dynamics with my own husband where I feel belittled and marginalized just about everywhere in my husband's life, be it his family, work or friends. With the help of my therapy network, I decided it was a symptom of my having no life of my own. My shrink called ^it^, "Transference." I was attempting to fill the holes in my own life with my husband's resources and it wasn't a realistic expectation. God bless the child who has their own. Building and using a social network of my own was/is my personal remedy for this particular ^it^.

Dunno if that applies to your case, or not. Just sharing. . .

Gentle support while you find what works for you.

@lucillegem I actually just talked to him and he told me that he didn't realize it upset me because he jokes with everyone like that. I feel like it always seems that way to the person who's dishing it. I've had this conversation with him before and he usually disregards what I'm saying which is why I'm a little apprehensive about talking to him about my feelings and why I'm here. This time he says he won't do it anymore. So we'll see what happens from here.

@artie It sounds like maybe I am experiencing the same thing. I am a stay at home mom. We left our home state 2 1/2 years ago to be with my boyfriend's family. So they are the only real contact I have with the outside world besides my 2 year old daughter. I have family and friends back home but its nothing like face to face contact. I do find myself looking for comforts and friendships through him. It's hard trying not to lose myself and to remember I'm more that just a mother.

You have been together a long time and have a child, yet are not married. Is your family supportive?

Dealing with a condescending spouse....... Big hug

https://www.wikihow.com/Cope-With-a-Condescending-Spouse

Does not being married make you feel insecure in any way? I am just wondering because you have put everything on this relationship yet may need the commitment of marriage to feel this is your rock or sturdy ground? Does your lack of a social life and connections to other people make your husband feel stressed and overwhelmed at how he is the only one for you? Just some thoughts to ponder.

My husband's family says mean things to each other, they don't treat other people well. I have had to say things to my husband like "that hurts my feelings" or "that is mean to say that" when he dishes out something unkind. My husband doesn't mean to be unkind, it was all he knew for a long time so its like a trained behavior. In general, I like "I feel blank about blank" statements about things like this rather than gut instinct defensiveness.

@11Christmases My family is because I didn't grow up in a very religious environment. His is ok with it but they are very religious so they would very much like us to be married. Sometimes they ask about it.

@urbangardener Being in such a long relationship used to make me feel insecure about being unmarried and I used to think about leaving my relationship because of it but I had to ask myself if the love for my boyfriend outweighed my want for marriage. The answer was yes so it no longer bothers me. I do get the since that he is concerned about my social life or lack thereof but I'm not sure if it comes from a place of concern for me or if he feels stressed because he's all I have here. This is all just a sense I have, he hasn't expressed this to me at all.

Take this or leave this. I am sorry but I always wonder what is wrong inside people who won't marry someone that they have kids with or they have been living with for a long time. It seems controlling to me and not in a good way. To me, it often feels like a way to keep the partner unsettled and of lower value. I hope I am saying this well. I believe you have great value and deserve to be treated respectfully and as a full partner, including the sharing of everything and marriage. I have also seen people blame the woman when the man won't marry her. Like she should be better and he'd marry her or she lacks confidence so she settles for less, it is always blaming the woman. I have a very good friend who won't marry his long term girlfriend and she is very unhappy about it and has gained 100 pounds. They have been living together for years and he has always said absolutely no marriage -- but this is about his emotional problems and his dysfunction. For me, I won't settle for this but that is only me. I feel I deserve and am worthy of more than just living together (unless I decided the is what I want). If you believe your problem is a lack of social life, then go after it. Do some volunteer work or go to meet ups or play dates and find some friends. Get counseling if you feel you need it, no shame in learning and growing emotionally,

@urbangardener I am not bothered by this at all. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and feelings. I'm sorry your friend's girlfriend feels that way. I on the other hand do not place that much value of marriage. To me it's a contract and possibly the change of a last name. I want to get married to have a wedding and to share the last name of my family. Beyond that it's not a big deal to me. The city that I live in now is small and I've recently had a horrible experience here that has turned me off from meeting people in this city. Also I'm the type of person that has never been big on making friends. If they come they come if they don't I'm fine too, especially here. I kept in close contact with all my friends back home and that'll have to do for now. My daughter will be going to dance class soon and school in a couple years so play dates and friends will most likely come with that. Counseling is not something I can afford but it is some I would like to do. Using this site as an outlet is a good substitution.

@sherrycamila I'm not sure if cheating is what you took from my message but I don't think it is an issue for me. If cheating does become a suspicion of mine I will be sure to keep in mind the information you've given me. Thank you.

That's spam Mercedes..... The profile's been banned

@SunCloudJD Oh ok. Thanks