PS: I agree with others here that it is not appropriate to try to find a good man while you are still married and living with your husband. All your excuses are just covering the fact that you are cheating on him. Rethink what you are doing there. You don't seem like a cheater to me. I would honestly never be interested in a man who knew I was married and tried to start a more than friendship type relationship with me. That fact alone would tell me more about his character than anything he could possibly say.

The most important thing to identify is: What are you trusting people TO DO? Or NOT TO DO? Don't divulge financial information and if they ask for an account # or any # besides your phone #, back away. If you're trusting people not to cheat on you, that's a tall order, free will. If you find someone is cheating on you, yes, it'll sting for a bit, but you'll adjust, adapt, back away. Beyond that, are you trusting that someone will always be there at your beck and call? I'm just trying to understand what you're trusting people to do or not to do.

And yes, since you yourself are married you've exhausted every option for trying to make the marriage work and you want out, for God's sake, get the divorce proceedings in motion before you hunt up another man.

@koolman....as far as TRUST...... I did want to believe that maybe, out there somewhere,, there are some people that could (and would) actually TELL ME THE TRUTH..... and try to be there (not necessarily at my beck and call ).That ,to me, is a very important thing I haven't had alot of luck with in my past.

I would spend my early years in a family who was trying to convince the world how happy we were. Most of the feedback I got back then was tainted with hurtful insults intended to make me feel as bad as another did. ...and he got to be quite a Master at it.

Now, with hubby...I am learning that (while he doesn't understand why I did turn to chatting and sharing with "strangers" who are far away as opposed to him , right here) I do try to open up to him, but I have found that I have to weigh my words. The very first person I did begin to chat (and open up and share ) with would be the one who did listen, understand and accept me just as I am. Hubby , when I try to explain why i thought something other than he did, does not want to hear it and I am quickly silenced. Even though he too has come from just as dysfunctional family, (maybe even a smidge worse) he never really got any counseling (therapy)because that is "just a racket" and I have told him many times.....he has the compassion of a flea.

I will say again..... I did not intentionally go out and hunt another man (or my next victim if that is what all do prefer to think of me). I started chatting and sharing with others. there were just a couple who ,as we learned more ,found we had more in common. They know my current situation and were trying to encourage me (as well as offer me something i have been looking for...someone to be there who truly cares)

I am currently waiting for some finances I am trying to free up (which I should have gotten by now but are delayed). I then plan to get this all started and get back on my own.

PS I am finding that there are some too good to be true...sooner or later their reasoning does come to surface...and ,yes, there was one who was very smooth and convincing who did actually try for the acct info.

Get a job, even a part-time one. Get the funds together. Get divorced. Who knows, through the job you might even meet a man.

I have a fulltime job and have worked my entire life. My husband is on disability (for the past 3 years) and is home all day. When I come home, I have the cooking, cleaning, laundry... to do.....provided I can stay awake. lol

PS. He is able to do more and could help out, but very seldom does. I have grown so tired of begging and pleading...it is easier to just do myself

From day one, we put all the finances together. Many told me to always put a little aside...in case of emergency...or something like this. But I didn't because i felt we needed it to keep up with expenses (and toward debt.)

If I were to get another job (frankly would consider it my third)......he would expect me to put all that toward debt.... (I never seem to take or get anything for myself....but that is about to change)

Because of circumstances and finances, I would never do college, so I wound up working retail my entire life. It sucks over the holidays (we can never breathe or enjoy them until they are over), but I have to say....as I have come out of my shell and started to chat and study all the people i come in contact with......there are alot of lonely people who just want someone to talk to or even notice they are there. (If nothing else, that is something that I can do...reach out to others)

I have met some very nice people (men too) But they are always already taken .

I think I am giving up....tired of empty promises, being sweet talked, or from any guy who was ever hurt being classified in the same category as their exes . I am not an evil bitch who is looking for her next mark......and tired of trying to convince people. Believe it or not, I have finally come to realize I am a warm, caring person who does have alot to offer. I hate to think I won't ever get to . :(

So this is some tough love here: put your big girl panties on, file for divorce and leave. You are the bread winner. He brings nothing to the table. I’d rather live in my car than suffer in a loveless, lonely home. If the laws where you live mean he will get half of your retirement or investments, so be it. It’s a small price to pay for happiness.

I came from a screwed up home growing up. It does affect who you are. But at a certain point you have to decide it doesn’t define you or fate you to a life of miser.y. Everything is a choice, your choice, so choose something else. Otherwise you will see yourself as a victim of circumstance for the rest of your life. That too is a choice.

Be a person of action. Find local support, whether a therapist, a woman’s organization, legal aid, whatever, so you can get your legs underneath you, rise up and leave.

Big hug for you veggie...... I agree that you should at least move out..... Even if it's just into a room that you rent for now.... If you're sure it's over I would start the ball rolling

Re talking to new guys at this point you are really vulnerable..... I would take it really slow..... When it comes to the internet our minds fill in the blanks sometimes so that people can be who we hope for.... I think that the net can be a good way of meeting new people when you're free to do that..... I would take measures to be as safe as possible...... Big hug..... I'm divorced as well and I know it's hard at the beginning.... ..xo

That’s such a good point, that you are very vulnerable right now and that it’s important to be mindful of that so you protect your heart and feelings. I am someone who assumes good intent in people I meet, on line (like on DS) or in person. But on line, you are missing all kinds of subtle tells that people give that you can use to get a better sense of the person. So as SunCloud said, your mind sort of fills in the blanks. I’ve met wonderful people on line and over time, developed some friendships. It’s a bonding experience to express your deepest feelings with people who have been in similar situations. But you also have to look at things more critically because of the vulnerability.

You are both right. I am (and have been ) very vulnerable and that is a big part of my problem. After going without communication, affection and attention for sooo long, when a seemingly kind guy did relate and respond, I did want to suck it up and believe it was real. As a result I did get sucked in a time or two. Now I don't even trust my own judgement anymore I do still have someone who does try to tell me he is for real, there should be something to look forward to once the divorce is done...and he wants that for (and with) me.

It sounds too good to be true...as they say...it probably is. I do have to say too...as i chat with more people, I am discovering once we hit the magic age of 45 or so (which I am so past...)it seems we do want so to find someone to share what we have to offer with. I think because we feel we wasted so much time already (that is how I feel anyway)

I still think just me and the dog tucked away deep in the woods is my best bet. lol