Oh dude, my comments about anger weren't directed at you specifically. I was just opining on anger (since the topic came up, and it's an interesting topic at that), as an emotion in general, one that can be healthy or not so much.

Thanks.

I can still vividly remember the tutoring session with my father, PhD physicist and engineer at NASA. I was taking HS freshman algebra and he was trying to explain it to me by means of differential equations. In his frustation, he told me "You couldn't beat your way out of a wet paper bag." And yes, almost 40 years later I still remember the words.

The most of my adult life, I have felt incapable and inferior. It has affected most aspects of my life - I was willing to take the crumbs I was offered instead of stepping up to the banquet of life.

One of the many reasons I love my DH is that he is the one person who offers my complete support in EVERYTHING I attempt. He has never questioned my abilities or my worth. Ok, he won't let me use a chain saw, but I think safety concerns trump supporting my attempts to cut down the dead tree in the back yard.

I have recently realized that one comment probably has done more to prevent me from reaching my potential than anything else, including my struggles with alcoholism and bipolar disorder.

But this topic has digressed at bit from the original post re: dealing with (unwarranted) criticism. To which I respond "it ain't none of my business what other people think of me." Unfortunately, applying that concept to hurtful words from one's parent can be very difficult.

thanks for the topic.came at just the right moment for me today.

i get so many snap judgements and petty comments from people who know nothing about me or my story. today was no different. funny thing was it was from a lady at the printing office i go to who was helping print tarot cards right along side medical forms and a living will. it ended up coming up in conversation just as i was leaving and i am so glad that i have learned how to stay calm and take the poof out of it. if you're gonna hate me hate, me honestly.

my most favorite thing is when it is really really petty or silly i have the driest sarcasm for humor that i can throw people off to where the don't know if they should laugh, apologize, or run. like the "to-do list" thing i would have told him "Soon as all of it is done the list comes down. Get To IT!!!"

I find that the regular posters here are pretty conservative...and offer black and white responses...like if somethings not working, you just break up with the person...its not always that easy, there are grey areas inbetween....or in response to just sleeping with someone theres only ONE way to react to it, and thats the only way. Like you might just have casual sex with someone but if you start to have feelings for someone then you're wrong, even if you want the situation to continue...there are no rules in relationships.

i really get frustrated with this group and feel there are only certain topics we can talk about. I miss the old days.

Sorry, I don't understand what you mean in the context of this discussion thread.

I think there are a lot of diverse topics and points of views in this group. This discussion thread is good example of that.

I'm willing to talk about pretty much any topic. Doesn't mean though that everyone will agree with me and vice versa. I've got no problem with that. People take what resonates with them and discard what doesn't, right?

See pattern your frustrated...not angry....big difference the outer emotion may look the same to others

Hey Yorman.

I wanted to respond to your comment about your "frustration" not "anger" if your girlfriend burns the expensive steaks because "she should know better"

I have to say that's not cool at all. While it might feel good for you to vent your "frustration" will it make the steaks any less burned? How would YOU feel if someone vents their "frustration" on you after you make a mistake?

When she goes to make steaks next time, will your having vented your "frustration" make her do a wonderful job from here on out? Or will she avoid making steaks at all because it brings up negativity now every time she looks at a steak?

Don't mean to dump on you, ( well maybe I do.. ha ha)

just hated the way... "she knows better" read to me... Always remember! If we treat our romantic partner as if we are their parent. Soon that is how much romance we will be getting!

Lol...with age comes wisdom my dear Shasta.....Yes we create our own reality and there's a word I like to include for you to understand. You create your perception of reality. Your perspective is uniquely yours and so is your experience. It worked for us, I haven't had a burnt steak since. The lesson here was you don't place steaks on the grill and then go into the house to make a salad. Getting angry sure would not have brought the steaks back. Frustrated yes "she should have known better" my perspective only.

As long as when she vents her "frustration" with you when YOU make mistakes but "should know better" You get smarter and never make that mistake again...

Then it's all good!

10-4 to that Shasta...:)

Answering a topic online in response to a question or an advise request usually only amounts to a paragraph or two PS... Quite often the original post only amounts to a couple of paragraphs and if they become toooooooo long people don't want to read it... I think people offer some 'food for thought' PS... We only see one side of things usually on a particular day and the perception at the time the OT was written

Good ol' days often 'seem' better....smile...

Anger is often termed a secondary emotion and has a root cause ...

http://healthypsych.com/psychology-tools-anger-management-what-is-anger/

True indeed I get a lot of criticism too and don't know how to deal with it too well. Sometimes I'll get angry, sometimes I'll cry, sometimes I'll just do the same in return. It really depends on the person and exactly what is said.

Livingwater, what right to you have to put someone down that lives in a cardboard, (they are trying to live) and the women that sells toilet seats, at least she has a job.

Shame on you.