Healthy Relationships Support Group
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No one here knows me. So I thought I could write this and get honest opinions and get it off my chest as well.
I am married. We have issues. I have lost my way in the marriage. Wanting something else, something more. I have low opinion of myself. I am 50. I got involved with someone on a chat site. We shared a lot between us. I thought we both wanted to be with each other. She was several states away. I was going to drive to meet her at one point but things happened and that didn't work out. Anyways, I came to my senses and realized that this wasn't right and I ended all communication with her. My wife knows about it and although nothing physical happened she is hurt by me, which I get. We are trying to work things out. The problem I have is the woman was half my age. I believed she really wanted me. Is this a mid life crisis? Is it my low self esteem and I'm being dumb enough to think a 25 yr old would actually be attracted to me?
But now another 26yr old started working at my job and we talk a lot and she has complimented me a few times. Again, here I go, my self esteem absorbs this and then I can't control myself emotional state. I asked her to lunch yesterday, but luckily she declined, cause after I asked I knew I shouldn't have. She said next week, and now I will try hard to blow it off and not do it.
Maybe it is a combination of everything, midlife, self esteem, marital issues, that really have me all messed up. I mean there are other young attractive women here and yet I have never felt anything towards them or said anything or asked them to lunch or anything.
I am just so messed up and wish I wasn't and just want to be normal.
There are 6 basic human needs and my top 2 are significance and love/connection. I am not feeling that at home and the first woman gave me that. But I need to know how to realize and accept what I am and ignore these moronic feelings I get.
Thanks for anyone who read this.
I am married. We have issues. I have lost my way in the marriage. Wanting something else, something more. I have low opinion of myself. I am 50. I got involved with someone on a chat site. We shared a lot between us. I thought we both wanted to be with each other. She was several states away. I was going to drive to meet her at one point but things happened and that didn't work out. Anyways, I came to my senses and realized that this wasn't right and I ended all communication with her. My wife knows about it and although nothing physical happened she is hurt by me, which I get. We are trying to work things out. The problem I have is the woman was half my age. I believed she really wanted me. Is this a mid life crisis? Is it my low self esteem and I'm being dumb enough to think a 25 yr old would actually be attracted to me?
But now another 26yr old started working at my job and we talk a lot and she has complimented me a few times. Again, here I go, my self esteem absorbs this and then I can't control myself emotional state. I asked her to lunch yesterday, but luckily she declined, cause after I asked I knew I shouldn't have. She said next week, and now I will try hard to blow it off and not do it.
Maybe it is a combination of everything, midlife, self esteem, marital issues, that really have me all messed up. I mean there are other young attractive women here and yet I have never felt anything towards them or said anything or asked them to lunch or anything.
I am just so messed up and wish I wasn't and just want to be normal.
There are 6 basic human needs and my top 2 are significance and love/connection. I am not feeling that at home and the first woman gave me that. But I need to know how to realize and accept what I am and ignore these moronic feelings I get.
Thanks for anyone who read this.
Idk how other people feel, yes , I've been tempted by other men for the last 20 years, but my word of fidelity to someone is something sacred and I avoid every possible situation which will get me in trouble. If I really love someone, other men are not even a problem.
You have the power to stop it when it begins - just stop talking to this person immediately when you start feeling like some
Inappropriate things are appearing in your mind.
After a time, live is work & choice
Choice to honor your word&vows
Self respect is knowing that you are not full of shit
In general if a person needs someone else to to tell them that they aren't full of shit, they usually are
Sorry if I'm harsh but as a betrayed wife who has managed to forgive my husband, I see nothing but pain and trouble if you don't figure this out. Get into counseling with your wife, find some good books on infidelity because your stepping in some pretty shady waters already.
If you want something else, someone else, set your wife free. If not, then work your asses off on fixing things. Rejuevinating your love life together.
Consider this my PSA: affairs (at any level) will NOT fix or improve ANYTHING.
When you look outside the relationship to fill a void you believe is lacking in you're life, you're avoiding the true reason for your unhappiness, yourself.
When you need validation or compliments from others to hold you up, you won't be happy standing on your own two feet.
The most powerful quote that changed everything for me when I heard it two decades ago, and live by today is: Be the person you want to be with. When you can manage this, everything else falls into place.