No.
No.
Yes.

Thanks for all the responses. I posted a reply to MissScales comment and a few came in before that I will try and respond to.

Misred: I say as far as I know, because she tells me I make her happy and do take care of her.

Shasta: Living to 90? Oy. Like being 20 and thinking I won't live til 50. I don't know if I will make it that long or if I would want to. This world is just too f'd up.

Lost: Forget the second one. That is nothing. The first real one knew my financial situation. She knew I am not rich. She knew I would not be a sugar daddy.

Patti: We are actually going to Greece at end of the month for 2 weeks. But since the beginning of the year we have been trying to make time to go out to eat, catch a movie or a band or go for walks.

OTM: If I was attracted to them then yes. It all comes back to physical attraction first no matter what anyone says. Stevie Nicks is 68, and I still would love to do her. Had a crush on her since my teens.

Aronia: We are in therapy to work on these needs. She took care of one of my needs last Friday. I took care of hers a couple weeks ago.

But again, it comes back to me needing to learn how to deal with flattery and not let it get to me. And then if someone else ever did try to hit on me, to be able to say no. Again, I never had to say no to a woman. Just weren't many chances to.

That response was to OTM.

I'm almost 51, and I'm in the same boat, except that I'm not married. I'm not NECESSARILY looking for a much younger woman, but the young ones seem to be more interesting, and of course, and the ladies here will crucify me for saying this, but let's be honest, their skin is smoother. Maybe it's that 20s, for most, are that care-free time, before there's any real financial responsibility to beat a person down and make them feel tired. Maybe they think I'VE got money and are themselves looking for an easy ride.

I've talked with a few much younger women, not so much flirtatiously as to see where their heads are at, and it becomes very clear within the first few minutes of conversation that most of them don't have a fucking clue how much money it costs to live, still live with Mommy & Daddy, and just want to party, indulge in all kinds of unhealthy behaviors (live fast, die young).

I did meet a 22-year-old RN-in-training at the gym where I work out who is a very high-quality, hard-working, caring young woman. And now she's married to the hospital where she works. Have to pay off those student loans somehow! I think I instilled my own fear of financial instability into her, and I regret this. I came off sounding like her father and she came off sounding like my mother. I want to relax more and thus be able to create a wonderful, relaxing atmosphere for a relationship with a woman, where we both can laugh and simply enjoy each other's company. Sadly, when my business is slow, I find myself in a state that alternates between fear and anger, hardly suitable for forging a wonderful relationship, takes me farther and farther away from what I want. Money helps!

I then talked with a 19-year-old who is very sweet, very pretty, and also wishy-washy, doesn't know what she wants to do with her life, except work for her dad. She'll be pregnant within 2 years, by some young bloke, not me.

If money were no object, even at my age, I'd still be down for raising kids, if I didn't have to work so much to make enough money to support them. I'd set my wife and kids up with a generous life insurance policy so they're set up handsomely when I croak, then hope they don't croak me, put rat poison in my cornflakes or something. As long as that doesn't happen, I intend to keep exercising and getting plenty of sleep (sleep deprivation the first 5 years of raising kids would probably kill me, or at least decimate my health).

I keep playing the Lotto and lookibg for a new business that pays better in less time, as well as that pays RESIDUALS/ROYALTIES/REFERRAL BONUSES, so I can work once, get paid many, many, MANY times off that initial work. That will solve the time-versus-money conundrum. Then I'll date whoever I want, being aware that I have to give a little (money) to get a little (physical affection), while also being willing to break the relationship off if it becomes painfully obvious I'm being used for money.

Sorry, wish I could paunt a rosier picture of getting older. Main thing is to HAVE FUN, at any age, single, married or as part of a couple. As long as our health holds out, we're never too old to have fun, spend more time laughing than crying or being angry. Only you can define what FUN is, for you.

"paint", not "paunt". Where's the "edit" feature, DS?

BTW, I'm interested in some women my age, but THEY are not interested in ME, whereas younger ones ARE interested in me, or the women my age have so boxed themselves into a corner by their own thinking, are so critical, of themselves and me, that it sucks any fun that might be had out of the relationship, whereas the younger ones are more free-flowing, go with the flow. There are exceptions of course, regardless of age.

But I digress. We're not talking about me, we're talking about the OP and his wife who are hopefully working together to try and save their marriage. Physical attraction is important for sure! If that isn't there, the marriage is already over, is merely a friendship or two cohabitants sharing living space!

As far as how to deal with flattery without going overboard and pursuing more, simply say "thank you", and with chin up and a renewed spring in your step, go on about your business! There are other ways to boost your own self-esteem without feeling it has to be boosted by others, like exercise, reading, exploring a new creative hobby! Then, if young women happen to compliment you on how young you look or how energetic and dynamic you are for your age, you can merely say "thank you" while inside thinking "I know"!

LL, I reread what I wrote, and I'm sorry if it came off too harsh. Sue said it much better (and nicer!)

As for the support system, I currently don't have much of that either. But when I did have it, it was because I had joined a group or a club, or I went to the same coffee shop every Tuesday at the same time...maybe try something like that. People start talking to you and suddenly you have friends (gasp!) And there is always us opinionated loudmouths on DS. :)

And to OTM's comment, I would be with whomever I fell in love with. Period.

No problem MissScales.

I did join a hiking group and went on one last november. It was nice while walking and talking to some of the people, but when it was over and we all went to eat pizza, I fell into my introverted shell and felt uncomfortable. Everybody knew each other and I was off to the side again. Had to stay as I carpooled with someone.

I just had a 25 year old man on the dating site tell me he wanted to be my lover. LMBO!!!!



No thanks!

Oh come on!!! I am sure it made you feel good. Admit it!!!

Just cause you wouldn't doesn't mean it didn't make you feel hot.

oh man!

I can see you didn't get anything out of my post.

It made her feel HOT ??

People don't compliment us or say anything to us at all because of US... if a person compliments or insults us.. it doesn't tell us anything at all about ourselves... it only tell us where the person delivering the compliment or insult is coming from.

So OTM is on a dating site.. a "25" year old.. ( seriously it's probably a 50 year old pretending to be a 25 year old) tells her she is "Hot"
Then she goes shopping... a 25 year old says.. "Hello Ma'am"... does she suddenly get less "hot" ?

She is the same either way... if someone tells her she is hot or not... she remains the same.

again.. if you let other humans decide how you feel about yourself, you are giving you power away and not using very good judgment.. but such is life! lol

That must be what you meant by your sentence .. "The world is f'd up"

OK Sue I get it.

But you did remind me of something I forgot to write in response to lostsoul said. How people lie and use people. You said the guy could be 50. Isn't that true for any site? Even this one?

It was flattering yes, but I could not care less.
I have no interest in a boy who wants to use me for sex.

So true, Sue. I should print that and stick it up with my affirmations. I get stuck in that "other people define me" cycle, oh, everyday!

And a hiking group sounds fun! And so what if you were off to the side during pizza. If you went again, people would know more about you then they did the first time and you'll have more to talk about. People respond to repetition, the more you show up and be nice, the more they will be open with you, at least that is my experience.

And I'm working with a lot of social anxiety here, so I for prep I practice small talk, I purposely think about topics that I could start or questions I could ask to learn more about other people.
Maybe something like: Hey, I'm in the market for new hiking boots, yours look comfortable. Are they? What brand are they?

Just ask people basic questions and conversation will follow. And if I feel uncomfortable, I just listen. Everyone has interesting stories. And if it gets bad, then I excuse myself to the bathroom for a bit. No problem.

Online can be a perfect fantasy as our minds fill in what we want it to be

When marriage gets stale or has problems it can be easier to just turn away rather then do the work

I think if people treated marriage the way they treated dating we'd perhaps? get more needs met... It so easy to get lazy once married for a long time re how we look and treat one another etc
Date nights become less...the excitement wans ... It really doesn't take a lot of effect to make things a little more exciting but it's wanting to make the effort

I failed at marriage ...It's great that you want to make yours work lost... I hope you and your wife have a wonderful trip... Big hug...x

That's great MissScales. Good plan. like I said I was fine while walking as I am talking to one maybe 2 at a time. They aren't with all their buddies at that point. Sitting around a big table, everyone is there at once. It was just overwhelming for me.

That's perfectly fine, OTM. It was nice to hear the compliment though.