@7cjL10,
Unfortunately, you cannot stop the person. I know it hurts (your husband moving out and leaving you and your son), but that is his choice, and it is unfortunate for you but you have to find the strength to move on because you will be hurting yourself and your son in the long run. It hurts but maybe he needs space and time, but you can't rush him because that will only push him further away, so give him whatever space he needs. You cannot force a person to be with you, they have to willingly want that for themselves. I would encourage you to practice self-love and he might end up regretting his decision of leaving in the first place. Start doing things with your child and self and most importantly love you, and he will start seeing you radiate and if he wants you, he will come back, but for now, you have to let this go. It is going to hurt, but you will heal eventually. Hugs!

When a man with wife and children ( or a woman with a husband and childen) has an affair, it is not just infidelity.
This action has a ripple effect on multiple people for many years. When we are devastated, heart broken, in a bad relationship we can not parent effectively even though we try. Just by being preoccupied with a partner m, who is damaging to you, takes away from the most important job we have - to be there for our kids.
Your child is small, mine are teenagers. Believe me when I tell you - every minute you spend crying over this person is an unintentional shove to the side. I hope my children will forgive me for my mistakes, when they truly understand what they were.
When children see their parent devastated and preoccupied it causes feelings of sadness, guilt, separation anxiety that may never go away.
Your husband has done this to you 4 times. 4. Not just once., and what makes me really angry about cheating spouse when there are kids involved is that a lot of times they KNOW what the consequences are for the children and they still do it. This guy continues to hurt you and cause you distress and it is undoubtedly hurting your child.
So, if a man is acting this way, why do you want him back?
I will never choose a man over my kids and to this day I m kicking myself that I didn't recognize this concept until it was too late. I left the cheater but I allowed him to drag me on for 6 years, because somehow I thought it would change.
A person who feels nothing from the start will not develop remorse, conscience and regret.
I feel so badly that you are hurting. I hope you will find the strength to move on.

I am going to online school now and trying to find the time to have anytime to myself to figure things out for me but finding that hard with a preschooler that always needs me. I am talking to some friends I have not been able to in many years. I was not allowed to have friends really that were not people he knew too. So I didn't make friends even when I wanted to talk to people. Then told that the reason I did not have friends was because I was rude. I will admit I am not the most easy person to get along with as I do not relax easily. I am trying to move on at the same time as being the best mom I can for our son. I feel like that is hard because he keeps asking for daddy to come home because when he sees him it is nothing but fun and games and I spend days cleaning up the mess of a few hours.

I want him back for the good times we had between the bad. I know I was not easy to live with either. I have slight OCD where things have to be clean and orderly... my husband was a messy person that I was always cleaning up after... I also have developed almost no sex drive after the cheating and may have started to decline slightly before that when he started comparing me to other woman. I had gained weight at that time and he just would say i stopped trying. i have lost and gained that same 30 pounds and it never seems to matter my size if he cheats.

He left me great love notes throughout the years and did some great things too.

@7cjl10,
I am happy that you are now attending online classes, please find other activities within your community that you can participate in so it occupies your time. You need to be strong for your son and self. so you have to try. Your husband doesn't deserve you and you need to move on from this toxic relationship. It is going to hurt each time your son asked, but you need to stop cover for your husband and let your son see the type of person he is. Also, stop blaming yourself and your disorder for your husband's infidelity and stupidity, because you are giving him the strength when you do that, you were being a good wife and he did not appreciate it. Go online and look for friends, people you can call and talk to, but do not talk about your husband but about all the good qualities that you possess, this will help strengthen you as a person and will help you to heal. STOP talking and thinking about him (I know this is hard), but the sooner you start, the better it will be for you. Stop communicating with your husband for a while (plus he is toxic) and this will start to help you to heal. I wish you the best of luck, as you start to find self-love and inner peace. You will do great.

@Deelove
Thank you these are all great things to think about.

Your son can still have a good relationship with his father and if you do-parent as friends, he will thrive, but you staying with your husband is not good for him.
Be strong, woman.

I really do not know if co-parenting is a good idea either with how much I have to clean up once he is back with me. My son is delayed and needs a really strict routine and my husband just has a fun no routine time with him. I am trying to be friendly with my husband but can not do all the lying and holding back of details I need to know.

A child deserves to have a mother and a father who both parent him. If he can't do it, then he needs to learn. He may not do it YOUR way, but the child deserves to have a father who is equally involved.
I am actually floored by your statement. You will accept a man of questionable character into your bed, your house back and forth, but the idea of co-parenting your child who is entitled to both parents doesn't sit will with you, because the father isn't following your routine and you have to clean up.
We All have to clean up. Children are messy and children with high needs can be even messier.
Does your husband EVER get to see the child without you being present ?
Anyway... you are a good person and I am sure you are acting with best intentions, but I am starting to see the picture here and things are not looking good. Please take your husband to counseling and discuss your life and parenting and I hope things get better for the sake of your child.
You want your husband to return because he loves you, not because you have leverage.
Best wishes and I hope it works out .

I agree with Aronia. I think you are mourning the good times and I understand that, but you really must try to accept your marriage is over. Because until you do, you will be preoccupied with him instead of setting up a life for yourself that is healthy for you and your child. I have concerns for your son because you both seem to be using him to try to control each other and for your own agendas.

Both of you should go to counseling not to save the marriage but to learn how to coparent your child in a healthy manner.

Start thinking not about what you want right now, but how to lay the ground work so your son grows up to be a strong, emotionally healthy person.

I agree we both need counseling but I do not agree to give up on my marriage just yet. Each time we see each other things are getting a bit better. So I will move on making myself better but will not give up on my husband even though we are separate right now.

Good luck.