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HELP ! I need to stop contacting my abusive ex

angellore88
angellore88

I broke up about a month and a half ago, we lived together.  I have mental health problems, borderline personality disorder, (bpd) which includes a lot of fear of abandonment, an unstable sense of self, suicidal tendencies, impulsive behavior, promiscuity among others. My ex had anger issues, he once pulled a knife on me, in another occasion we were driving and arguing and he speed up and say he will kill us both, he has damaged some of my personal belongins etc. He was abusive but not the jealous type, I was the jealous one and he felt so controlled by me that I think that was what incited his anger. Long story short I know is stupid of me, but I keep contacting him knowing that going back to that relationshinp is the worst idea. I feel so lonely and I keep holding up to the memories of the wonderful first months.I am going to therapy, reading self help books, looking for help on my bdp condition, etc. I have also slept with other people and party hard during these weeks, exploring my alternate sexualiity (I'm bisexual), but somehow I am trapped and keep contacting him and begging him to get back together.Yesterday was the worst, on the phone he said that if I was in front of him at that moment he would like to slap me on the face I cried so much, I feel so pathetic. I need to keep going foward, do the things that are right for me, and he is clearly not right for me. Any advice in how can I keep moving foward and stop contacting him and finally understand on a deep level (because intellectualy I know but I don't seem to fully grasp it in my heart) that he is not the right person for me :(

art4life19
art4life19
wow we really should talk I have BPD and I'm Bisexual to we have things in common.
rmb
rmb
I would try to surround yourself with lots of people and stay busy with distractions so you don’t have time to think about contacting. Also delete his contact info from your phone. You have to just make an effort at no contact, for real.

I think over time it will get easier. Sorry wish there was a magic solution but how you do anything is how you do everything. So how you manage all the other stuff in your life will spill over into this part of your life. Get healthy, work on yourself with your full committement etc. As you heal and become emotionally and mentally healthy and while, you won’t feel compelled to reach out to him, at all.
koolman
koolman
Your ex is an obsession. The only way you're going to stop fixating on this person is to create ANOTHER obsession for yourself, like an artistic hobby.
urbangardener
urbangardener
Isn't this up and down with relationships a huge part of BPD? The drama, the chase, the unhappiness? Is this truly the kind of life you want to live? We all have to decide to make our lives better or we won't. If you want a better life, consider working on finding value in yourself without a sexual partner, man or woman. Be alone and work on fixing yourself to be strong and to have self value and self worth. This is called getting healthy. Is this ex your security blanket cause you can't be alone with yourself or won't be alone with yourself? And if any of us wants to attract better partners, we have to be a better person so that we recognize the dysfunction and run instead of making a beeline towards it. Good luck, get good therapy and learn to self love, have self worth, etc.
HopeinGod1
HopeinGod1
I’m so sorry you are suffering and hurting so much as you try to stop contacting your abusive ex. I’m really glad you recognize the problems and that you are seeking help. Perhaps there are local organizations that may help you such as a local church. Many times churches are aware of organizations that help with all sorts of problems, and that may be a good place to start. Also, if you are working at a place where they have a Human Resources office, there are people there that offer resources that may be available to you at a low cost or even free counseling sessions. Perhaps if you look at the internet for counseling organizations in your community they may be able to help you as well.

Please don’t give up on yourself and please take care of yourself as YOU, are uniquely YOU.
mangymoosemaine
mangymoosemaine
I know I'm a little late to this, but I have been in several abusive relationships. Remaining in any kind of contact is the WORST thing you can do.

Bite the bullet and delete him from your phone, block his number, block him on Facebook, BLOCK HIM FROM YOUR LIFE!!!

You must start building a healthy sense of yourself and your boundaries. This will be a long journey, but it is a fight to take your life back. I know it is so hard right now but please know that you matter and you are valuable.
I hope you are safe, Okay? <3
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