Healthy Relationships Support Group

No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.

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Curridog29
Curridog29


Me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 years. 3 years ago I left for military training.  I come back and things changed between us. He is no longer very communicative with me and not very supportive anymore when I start to feel down. We get in big fights where I'm told i never do anything for him or his kids and I treat him like crap. And I should worship him because of how good he treats me. He doesn't communicate. And always puts the blame on me. All I've asked of him is communication and respect. When I try to talk to him about things that are bothering me between us he gets defensive and argumentative. I feel alone and empty. I don't know what to do



My bf just got home hasn't talked to me since yesterday at 10 still won't talk to me been gone all day. We had a huge fight yesterday. I don't know what to do anymore. No matter what I do something always pisses him off and won't talk to me about it. I go day to day wondering what I will do that will piss him off and make him leave. And now I'm wondering if he is just waiting to leave me. What advise does anyone have?

rmb
rmb
Silence from your mate is terrible. It's a form of punishment. If it were me, I'd tell him when you are ready to talk, I'm here, but you are just going to carry on and live your life and not beg him to tell you what's going on. He knows it puts you in a tail spin when he shuts down and so that's a way for him to control the situation.

Then when he's ready to talk you have to lay it out there and just say, are we done? I know that is hard. But the truth is better than what you have going on right now.
Aronia
Aronia
How long have you been away for military training ?
Curridog29
Curridog29
I was only gone 10 months I'm back at home and have been for 2 years.
Bernadine
Bernadine
he sounds insecure and afraid. try couples therapy
Aronia
Aronia
Such drastic change after 10 months... is it possible that he has an affair ??
Curridog29
Curridog29
He refused therapy..and I have thought that he might have had an affair cuz I caught him talking to someone else before I left then when I got home he deleted Facebook and got a new phone with a new number but I chose to look past that and not dig to see if he did
Aronia
Aronia
What happens when you try talking to him? What is his response to when you say:
I feel our relationship changed since I went in for training.
Also, what do you think may be a contributing factor on your part ?
Aronia
Aronia
I wanted to share something from my past experience in the marriage and your case maybe totally different, but my point is that there is always a cause.
My ex husband and I had a very good relationship until I got pregnant and then it literally changed in the matter of weeks and eventually it led to divorce.
As I figured it out 12 years later after the change, becoming a father caused him to feel anxious and inadequate due to his abusive relationship with his parents . They always made him feel like a failure and becoming a father created yet another target for criticism and bullying, he would take it out on me. I always felt like I want good enough but it really wasn't my problem.
Curridog29
Curridog29
He just tells me I have changed, but he hasnt..when I feel like he has changed along with me. I honestly think he got use to living single and wants to live like he is single to a point but be in a relationship. He has told me many times that he is a grown man and can do what he wants when he wants and doesn't have to ask me about it. But I will say I have helped fuel the fire which leads to an argument. I feel i mainly do this because I do go back to bad habits that cause us to fight because I feel that he doesn't care and that he doesn't listen to what I have to say. So I give up and don't help the relationship because he doesn't.
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