I so wish menopause wasn't an issue. I don't hear a lot about men's "problems".
It's not talked about as much. As a woman who had a hysterectomy for emergency reasons, I have suffered no symptoms of menopause.

I will say that mentally, I have felt less desirable. Less of a woman. It didn't help that shortly after my surgery, my ex husband went his merry way.

I think biologically men go through some hormonal changes, like low testosterone, but not all men go through a defined stage like women do. Plus many men can still produce sperm even when elderly. So it's different from our menopause. Knowing my husband, he'd rather live under the illusion that he's the same as he was at 30 than admit anything that would reveal the frailty that is man.

I'm sure it did not help that your ex left after your surgery. I can see how that would be damaging. But I do believe that in life, whatever happened, happened. All there is is now, and you, The most important relationship you have is with yourself, first and foremost. If that isn't right, nothing can be right.

I’m one of those who can’t take HRT, ARGH! But the worst of the emotional/mental effects of perimenopause I experienced are over, probably because there is not so much wild hormone fluctuations. Now it’s the slow march to full menopause with the hot flashes,body aches, headaches, yadda, yadda, yadda. For sure low libido is part of it. To say it’s all an act of will on my part these days to be affectionate with my husband is an understatement but I do make an effort. Because I understand what’s happening to me and I just figure out how to not be a slave to my biology.
https://www.swisswatchonline.co.uk

I just turned 50 and am in great shape due to a consistent exercise practice. My libido seems to be accelerating which isn’t great timing. Maybe it’s wanting what I can’t have right now. So I am doing pretty well shifting my desire to other areas. It’s actually nice to step back from the sex to reconnect in a different intimacy. There is a saying we learned in India that I love. Translates to ; this. is this. She had hormone testing done and everything is present but being produced in the wrong times of day/night. So trying some bio engineered cream. Time will tell.

You are right in that you reconnect differently. In a lot of ways the intimacy is deeper between my husband and I during this period of our lives. I think maybe it’s just seeing each other. I dunno.

I’ve been sober for two years now and what inspired me was a Buddhist monk and his books. I read and meditate. A big point in Buddhism is letting go of attachments. At first I didn’t understand that as it seemed like not caring, but now I see that it’s letting go of past regrets and living for the future instead of just being ok now. Ask yourself ; do I need or want something more right now or can I just be good in this moment with what I have. This way of thinking has changed our relationship. Ps I am curious about the male changes. Nothing physical yet but I notice that I have more patience. I’m a very balanced libra. All my grandparents have made it to late 90s or hundreds so I am wondering if my genetics will make these hormone changes later in my life. I’m pretty sure we’re still on topic of OP (lol) as this is definitely about working on healthy relationships. Also I would never leave my wife because she’s not feeling frisky these days. I was making a point about how it seems that relationships fall apart from a bump in the road because there’s no good communication happening. I know from experience as I have been awful at expressing my feelings. Reading about this stuff really helps. Who knew?

How different is perimenopause that pre menstral syndrome? You get the monthly hormonal fluctuations-headaches,etc. I had a hysterectomy 2 yrs ago and have experienced no symptoms that I know of. I know for myself it was more me feeling less of a woman because I could no longer have children-but the rest of it, I was glad to get rid of. I know that feeling less of a woman made me isolate myself. Can those conditions really be the end of relationships?
I'm not sure. I think people change as they get older. I just know that as Ive gotten older, Ive become more of a romantic and want to believe Mr Rights out there for me....but, as days go by, I'm remembering I'm running out of time.

FAN, I know you'd not leave your wife simply because she's not feeling frisky these days, haha! I think it was a well taken point that if you're in a relationship long enough, there are bumps in the road and how you manage the communication during that time, which includes not only talking but hearing is how you kind of weather it. But I think it can really take people by surprise when their partner is going through something, whatever that is, and they perceive them as having changed. My husband would be pissed off at times that I didn't feel like having sex, because of course, he made it about me no longer finding him desirable. That was so far from the truth but of course her perceived it as rejection. Who wouldn't.? Honestly the way we managed it was finding humor in it, reassuring each other that we are still in this together with each other, and just adjusting both our expectations. Definitely not settling but more like not taking stuff so personally and cutting each other some slack.

I wonder if for men, they continue to produce sperm or have a strong desire (not all but some ) as they age because they're programmed to keep the species going and there's only so much time left. I have nothing scientific to back that theory up but I'd be curious why that is too.

SageLife: premenstral syndrome is just a set of symptoms a lot of women at any age get before their period. Perimenopause is a stage before menopause in a women's life where their hormones start to fluctuate. But I'm by no means an expert.

I think if you didn't feel good about yourself because of your hysterectomy and how it made you see yourself, or didn't feel good about yourself for any reason really, that could contribute to the end of a relationship. I don't mean to be so blunt but being with someone who doesn't feel good about themselves can take a toll on a relationship and on their partner. That's what I meant about having a good relationship with yourself, liking yourself and feeling comfortable with who you are. If you don't, who will?

I think we do somewhat change as we get older, but that's not a bad thing necessarily. We're all a work in progress.

The night sweats and hot flashes were the pits.... Never ending so that is probably the biggest difference from PMS... the time involved

I feel for you ladies who couldn't take HRT..... It works right away

All that is behind me now and I am glad that it is... The only good thing about getting old....haha

The other good thing about getting old is you are still here!

RMB,,so true

True....smile!!

No relationship is perfect. But imperfections do not make relationships "unhealthy". Long-term relationships change, evolve, hit rough patches, and grow great again and again if you are in a healthy one. That is what I believe and what I have experienced. They are possible, is all I am saying. But both people need to work on them in order for them to be and stay healthy.