Healthy Relationships Support Group
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This is something that drives me crazy about my boyfriend. We're in a long distance relationship--due to his work he's sometimes closer to me and we can see each other on the weekends. Sometimes he's out in AZ (I live in the NYC area). This alternates every 6-8 weeks.
Since we don't see each other a lot we text/call/email most of the time. And he's usually good about telling me he loves me, wants me, cares about me, etc. When we're together I can tell by the way he acts that he loves me, but he has issues with saying it to my face for some reason.
Mind you, we were in a relationship 20 years ago, and the same thing happened. I knew from his actions that he loved me--he couldn't say it. He'd say "you" and I'd say "I love you too", knowing that was what he meant. The first time he actually told me in person that he loved me was just before he left to go overseas for a school/job opportunity he couldn't pass up and we split up.
I do feel that he loves me. And he tells me in other ways and by his actions. Why is it so hard for him to say it to me in person?! He's leaving for AZ tomorrow and I would have loved more than anything for him to look me in the eyes and say "I love you" before he left. But that almost never happens! Even if he does say it, he usually isn't looking at me (he'll mumble it while he's hugging me or something).
Anyone else experience this?
Since we don't see each other a lot we text/call/email most of the time. And he's usually good about telling me he loves me, wants me, cares about me, etc. When we're together I can tell by the way he acts that he loves me, but he has issues with saying it to my face for some reason.
Mind you, we were in a relationship 20 years ago, and the same thing happened. I knew from his actions that he loved me--he couldn't say it. He'd say "you" and I'd say "I love you too", knowing that was what he meant. The first time he actually told me in person that he loved me was just before he left to go overseas for a school/job opportunity he couldn't pass up and we split up.
I do feel that he loves me. And he tells me in other ways and by his actions. Why is it so hard for him to say it to me in person?! He's leaving for AZ tomorrow and I would have loved more than anything for him to look me in the eyes and say "I love you" before he left. But that almost never happens! Even if he does say it, he usually isn't looking at me (he'll mumble it while he's hugging me or something).
Anyone else experience this?
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Look at what my best friend did with my picture!
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We all have 24 hours in a day. How we spend these hours is important. Watching a little bit of a video about how sitting affects us made me aware of how much sitting and laying down I do. Gonna have to work on that.Your turn. Tell me another truth.
Maybe he is afraid he will jinx the relationship if he says it, sort of an OCD type thing that has nothing to do with you at all.
If he is a good guy and treats you well, I wouldn't push the issue. They are just words.
he could say "i love you" easily and often while not acting like it
sometime when you have direct speaks with him, tell him how much you appreciate him and how he treats you with his actions
and that once in awhile him saying it would be icing on the cake
remember that his feeling under the weather cheated both of you
he did not cheat you
When we do say it to each other, it's usually because something very stressful or freaky is happening in our lives and it's sort of our devotion check to each other. For instance, I became critically ill several years ago and we thought I wasn't going to make it to the hospital. I told my husband that I loved him as we were waiting for the ambulance and he told me he loved me too because we both thought it would be the last time we were going to see each other.
So to be honest, my husband could now say it several times a day, every day, for the rest of our lives going forward and it would sound trite in comparison to that singular moment where our life together nearly ended. I mean, at a certain point, saying I love you can almost be like a parrot saying I love you, a thoughtless, off the cuff, pointless remark, something canned, that you're expected to say.
If it really means something to you to hear him say it to you, then gently remind him how much it would mean to you to hear him say it once in a while. I get that it's nice to hear. But if you feel his love, and you know you're loved, then also find peace in that too.