Oh, also, he's been complaining lately that i don't appriciate his sense of humor, or the conversations he tries to start with me... and i see that this girl DOES appreciate it... I'm talking about, sometimes his jokes and stories rub me the wrong way.. we don't always share the same sense of humor, for example..... So this also makes me worried.

It almost sounds like your relationship has fallen into a bit of a rut so to speak. I am not sure how long your b/f has been friends with this gal but it sounds like they are good friends and have been for a long time so I am wondering just a bit if their friendship has always bothered you or has it just recently started bothering you?

Also you said that you have always been invited to go out with them whenever they do go out but circumstances keep you at home. I wonder if you have ever considered changing these circumstances such as making different arrangements so you can go along or maybe even work it out with your b/f to do these things on a more convenient day. Also perhaps it might be a good idea if you spent some time with this girl such as inviting her over for lunch or going out for dinner and get to know her a bit better.

This might help in putting your mind at ease a bit in what her intentions are. As for him spending too much time with her you might try having a talk with your b/f about doing things together more with yourself and daughter and see if he is willing to do that because in order for things to get better I believe you both will have to make some changes. Since you have been together for 8 years I am a bit surprised that your b/f does not hang out with you and your daughter on a more regular basis so I question what is the relationship between your daughter and your b/f? Meaning does he feel like a father to her or maybe just a good friend?

Anyway these are just some things I would consider doing if I were in the situation you are in. Sometimes you have to rock the boat bit and create some waves so you can move and find the right direction to take. Hoping things work out and happier days find you very soon:)

Katiebell you always have the best advice :)

I would try to find the time to hang out with them both, to try to get a feel for the situation. Go with your gut if you are still nervous.

I do have some guy friends, but i spend as little time possible with them, Some i only spend time with when my boyfriend is around for his peace of mind. I would never want him to feel un-comfortable.

My X used to go out a lot, i was always 'invited', but i have social anxiety, so i usually stayed home-- he knew i was going to say no---he took advantage of that--so be careful your fiancee is not doing the same.

He shouldn't accuse you off over-reacting, Anyone would feel uncomfortable in your shoes.sounds like he needs to stop thinking about himself, and care about how your feeling.

I hope things get better for ya..Hugs

If it makes you uncomfortable, you should be able to speak up about your feelings and concerns. If he loves you, he should adjust his behavior to make you more comfortable.

If he doesn't adjust, then there is a problem there.

Having said that ...

That gut instinct that you have that something is wrong is your subconscious putting together all the details that your conscious mind does not want to admit to, and coming to an unpleasant but usually correct conclusion.

Yes, it should bother you that he does this. No, you're not overreacting. The fact that he says "you don't appreciate my sense of humor" is yet more ammunition that he's stockpiling in his mental database to sabotage your relationship. I'm afraid he's looking for a way out, but isn't man enough to properly address his issues.

He is being very covert because he feels comfortable that you are 'there' and she is 'out there'. But as Koolman has mentioned, there is no doubt in my mind that he is definitely chipping away at his emotional connection to you. He is actively observing and pulling out what he thinks are negative aspects of your relationships. He's comparing you ~ and it's highly dangerous.

I'm glad you came here for some support! Many of us have been 'here' before and the outcome has never been good. I would like to gently suggest that you become very actively involved with this situation. Say what you need to say, ask what you need to ask. Let him know his connection to this 'friend' is no longer going over well and boundaries need to be established. Stay totally focused on him and this 'liaison' until you have all the answers you need directly from him.

The more defensive he is..the more unwilling he is to compromise and work on your relationship the more you can be sure that things are sliding downhill. Be aware and be 'in your life'. Prepare for a major challenge. ((long hug))

Don't know if it is too late to weigh in on this, but when a man spends time alone, away from you, with another woman, there is something happening. Something that is causing you pain. My gut instinct tells me that he has thoughts going on, maybe he hasn't acted on them, but they are there.

She is also entertaining thoughts as well.

He is treading on dangerous ground. Even though he always invites you, why is she not spending time in your home on the nights a sitter isn't a convenient reality? Where is her man during these outings? When things don't add up, it's usually because there is a grain of truth, a red flag.

Listen to your gut instincts and decide what you want to do...wishing you well...hugs!

I agree, something is off.

RE: he's been complaining lately that i don't appriciate his sense of humor

In my human sexuality class the teacher said men want women with a sense of humor. But what they mean is a woman that laughs at their jokes, not a woman who jokes.

thanks you guys for all your input and support. i'm just really tired of this relationship. it looks as if we're both looking for ways to get out, or at the very least, not focused at all on making this "a relationship." i usually just feel like a close relative to him, and not a g/f. i don't feel as if we have that type of relationship. we are so NON-connected on so many levels. i just want all of this to stop.
what's hard is that he's a really good guy, hard-worker, good to my daughter, and stuff... and that's what's hard about calling it quits. but is it now time for me to focus on: (1) what i'm interested in, he could care less and vice-versa; (2) he says "speak your mind" but when i do, he always negates what i say or puts it down, so then i don't wanna open my mouth at all; (3) he's a hippocrate when it comes to 'bossing' around my daughter; (4) he gets defensive if i ever have to tell him something unpleasant about himself, and wants to yell at me; (5) whenever i work up the courage to say something i need to say, he basically cuts me off and doesn't let me finish my thought; (6) a lot of things very important to me in life, in the world, he doesn't see as important at all; (7) sometimes when he tells me some sick-o joke from work, and i look at him in disgust because i don't find that kind of stuff humorous, he gets mad.
well i could actually probably go on, but i need to sign off pretty soon.