My partner and I started on the road towards recovery for his porn addiction because we're supposed to get married next year. It was going well. i was his accountabilty. we were doing great together. It was a challenge but we pushed through we downloaded internet accountabilty apps and before bed every night we remained trasparent towards eachother. Its sad that I'm pushed to a point to come here. I've never had to do this before. :/ 

We had this rule that in order to take away measures of his temptation for porn. we'd have him leave his phone outside of the bathroom. we did that for a few months. that was a big challenge but he did that. i had alot of respect for him because of his attempt. i ALWAYS instilled belief in him. here and there he would slip up and watch porn (it hurt) but at the end of the day i was okay with that. its apart of the process. 

It was going really well. then just recently about.a month ago he decided to take it upon hiimself to start using his phone inside of the bathroom because when he started his new job he said that he likes using his phone to play his games to relieve his stress. what kills me is that we made a decision as a team to take measures to stop porn but he starts doing things his own way without consulting together as a team. when he started back using his phone in the bathroom. I TRUSTED HIM DEEPLY. I believe in this man so much it BREAKS me. He knew I wasnt ok with it because all the porn recovery devotions and testimonials that we do together say to stray away from the things that lead you to be tempted. I wasnt ok because we were taken steps foward I didn't see why we would take steps backward. not together BUT. decision he made by himself. 

I told him that I wasnt ok with it. or comfortable with it. sure he goes ahead. im understanding to almost everyone in my life and i tolerate things alot with people. so thats what i did. I said look, im trusting you to use your phone in the shower. he says 'yeah babe i know youre trusting me and i know if i break that trust ill understand.' now im thinking here we are on the same page...one night he slips up and he watches porn, in the shower on his phone. he tells me during our transparency moment at night. I immediately feel let down, upset, betrayed, shattered. All i wanted to do was vent about how I was feeling. BUT I HAD IT & I turned around and just insulted him about his adddiction.

Im competely fed up, hurt and dont TRUST him.(thats what I feel rn, if I focus on any negative in the rship its THIS, all of his flaws ive grown to LOVE) I HAD IT. i had it because here he is going back doing the same things WE worked towards not doing TOGETHER. But there he is doing things his own way and WHEN I tell he completely BROKE my trust. All he talks about is how much I broke his when he told me that night he slipped up :( 

Its a two way street (Thats what relationships are right?):/ i always say lets be a team. we were a team when it came to overcoming porn and now the fact that he doesnt want to do the small things that would make a big difference in his porn addiction really makes me wonder if he even is serious about overcoming it. I mean now we just havent been transparent with eachother for the past few weeks so I wouldnt know when or where he watches porn. because he refuses to be transparent because he says I broke his trust (which i understand) but he broke mine too and he refuses to accept it.