Healthy Relationships Support Group
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Hi everyone,
A recent weekend my boyfriend of 6 months just spent at my house, grossed me out. I'm seeing a side I haven't seen before.
Most of the weekend was spent with him farting, including in my 8 yr old daughter's face (apparently by accident), and continuing to do so while outside around her (she kept hearing and smelling it and kept telling me about it), and no shower over Fri-Mon, which in my mind...lots of flatulence and no shower...not exactly a turn on for me! I know we all have gas at times, but...his was even in front of us (apparently by accident) as we were about to enter a nice restaurant (very appetizing!).
He's also started making this loud snorting sound with his nose (like some people do unclogging mucous), which he didn't do before.
And he was kind and booked this restaurant (above) for dinner, but in addition to his flatulence on the way inside, he still had dried white sleep around one eye from when he woke up, in addition to not shaving or showering.
Normally, he's been pretty well kept, and a very kind, decent and attractive guy. But needless to say, I was pretty turned off over this whole Valentine's Day weekend, and had no desire to be intimate with him whatsoever.
Am I just being overly critical here, or would you find these things gross too?
I have no desire to see this person anymore (still grossed out), yet don't want to act drastically either. Not sure what to do, outside of communicate my concerns with him. But if he's this comfortable at this point...what would a year look like?!
Thanks.
A recent weekend my boyfriend of 6 months just spent at my house, grossed me out. I'm seeing a side I haven't seen before.
Most of the weekend was spent with him farting, including in my 8 yr old daughter's face (apparently by accident), and continuing to do so while outside around her (she kept hearing and smelling it and kept telling me about it), and no shower over Fri-Mon, which in my mind...lots of flatulence and no shower...not exactly a turn on for me! I know we all have gas at times, but...his was even in front of us (apparently by accident) as we were about to enter a nice restaurant (very appetizing!).
He's also started making this loud snorting sound with his nose (like some people do unclogging mucous), which he didn't do before.
And he was kind and booked this restaurant (above) for dinner, but in addition to his flatulence on the way inside, he still had dried white sleep around one eye from when he woke up, in addition to not shaving or showering.
Normally, he's been pretty well kept, and a very kind, decent and attractive guy. But needless to say, I was pretty turned off over this whole Valentine's Day weekend, and had no desire to be intimate with him whatsoever.
Am I just being overly critical here, or would you find these things gross too?
I have no desire to see this person anymore (still grossed out), yet don't want to act drastically either. Not sure what to do, outside of communicate my concerns with him. But if he's this comfortable at this point...what would a year look like?!
Thanks.
Keelyc, I would have done the same thing in your shoes! He would have only continued to bother you about what you eat (and your BMs!) . Who needs that.
Giselle, I agree. In spite of his saying he'll "TRY and do better" I have a feeling it's not really going to change much. What's to "try" about when your farting with a kid behind you... You just don't do stuff like that, as far as I'm concerned.
I asked my BF about this and he thought it was gross too.
He was with the same woman for 19 years (his ex wife) and he says they never did stuff like that.
I can see the occasional accidental fart......but for the most part that can be controlled or you go to the bathroom and then use spray so others don't have to be subjected to it.
I think this dude is just nasty.
I think he's just nasty too, and maybe just tried to hide it till he thought it would be ok.
I did communicate to him, and he said he'll "try to do better. " But how hard does one have to 'try" with this stuff... I don't think it should take so much effort as to have to "try." ( i.e "Sorry, dear...just couldn't hold that one in...had to let that fart out while you and your daughter were right behind me" or "I just couldn't control myself...had to make that loud snorting sound while sucking the snot up my nose"....!!! (LOL)
It's ridiculous to even discuss it with him really
Unless he is of below average intelligence or grew up in the jungle, he was taught social norms.
I think koolman's post #41 might have hit the nail on the head.
I agree with you about the social norms thing...he didn't do this stuff for the first 6 months, I'm guessing until he thought he could get a way with it.
My two cents worth is, and please hold off on the tomatoes, that it wouldn't be uncommon for a daughter to dislike a new man in mommy's life, and him farting in her face intentionally is doubtful, perhaps mindless at most. I can't see a motive for this, unless she was pissing him off, and he retorted with some home-brewed humor.
Flatulence is often produced from the foods we eat, as Koolman mentioned, and can be controlled to some extent with diet and supplements. Could you ask him, in future, to cut the cheese in the other room? I'd also consider keeping a box of matches handy for the real stinkers.
As for the nose, he could have chronic sinusitis, which can't be relieved by blowing your nose. He could require medical attention, or be eating too much dairy or other foods that cause mucus, or perhaps it's like he said, a condition of the winter weather.
We are not all made the same, or raised the same, but love and companionship are a special union. If you like most everything else about him, perhaps you could try to relax your demeanor and see if you can assist him. It would be a shame to throw away a good man because he farts and snorts.
Thanks for your feedback. I appreciate it.
Although a good point, my daughter and I aren't squeamish at all, ironically enough. Quite the contrary... However, I find it rude to do it knowing someone is behind you (my daughter the first time, and he kept doing it around her while outside, and then while walking in front of both her and I just before we entered a restaurant).
When you combine flatulence all weekend with no showering, and given it was Valentine's weekend...doesn't exactly create the mood for intimacy.
And my daughter adores him. As much as I understand what you're saying there, it's not an issue here.
And your last point is something I've been thinking about, too, and trying to weigh very carefully.
I was everything, collectively and suddenly that threw me.
What I find sad here.. as I imagine you do..
Is that you've wasted six months with this guy.
I hope you're not too emotionally invested.
Hugs
jc