Healthy Relationships Support Group
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Hi everyone,
A recent weekend my boyfriend of 6 months just spent at my house, grossed me out. I'm seeing a side I haven't seen before.
Most of the weekend was spent with him farting, including in my 8 yr old daughter's face (apparently by accident), and continuing to do so while outside around her (she kept hearing and smelling it and kept telling me about it), and no shower over Fri-Mon, which in my mind...lots of flatulence and no shower...not exactly a turn on for me! I know we all have gas at times, but...his was even in front of us (apparently by accident) as we were about to enter a nice restaurant (very appetizing!).
He's also started making this loud snorting sound with his nose (like some people do unclogging mucous), which he didn't do before.
And he was kind and booked this restaurant (above) for dinner, but in addition to his flatulence on the way inside, he still had dried white sleep around one eye from when he woke up, in addition to not shaving or showering.
Normally, he's been pretty well kept, and a very kind, decent and attractive guy. But needless to say, I was pretty turned off over this whole Valentine's Day weekend, and had no desire to be intimate with him whatsoever.
Am I just being overly critical here, or would you find these things gross too?
I have no desire to see this person anymore (still grossed out), yet don't want to act drastically either. Not sure what to do, outside of communicate my concerns with him. But if he's this comfortable at this point...what would a year look like?!
Thanks.
A recent weekend my boyfriend of 6 months just spent at my house, grossed me out. I'm seeing a side I haven't seen before.
Most of the weekend was spent with him farting, including in my 8 yr old daughter's face (apparently by accident), and continuing to do so while outside around her (she kept hearing and smelling it and kept telling me about it), and no shower over Fri-Mon, which in my mind...lots of flatulence and no shower...not exactly a turn on for me! I know we all have gas at times, but...his was even in front of us (apparently by accident) as we were about to enter a nice restaurant (very appetizing!).
He's also started making this loud snorting sound with his nose (like some people do unclogging mucous), which he didn't do before.
And he was kind and booked this restaurant (above) for dinner, but in addition to his flatulence on the way inside, he still had dried white sleep around one eye from when he woke up, in addition to not shaving or showering.
Normally, he's been pretty well kept, and a very kind, decent and attractive guy. But needless to say, I was pretty turned off over this whole Valentine's Day weekend, and had no desire to be intimate with him whatsoever.
Am I just being overly critical here, or would you find these things gross too?
I have no desire to see this person anymore (still grossed out), yet don't want to act drastically either. Not sure what to do, outside of communicate my concerns with him. But if he's this comfortable at this point...what would a year look like?!
Thanks.
He started doing the nose thing on his 2nd last visit, and I didn't say anything. Then this past weekend I found a kind way to mention it (after him not getting a hint from my constantly asking him if he wanted a kleenex), and he was thankful I did, but then continued to make it. The rest of the stuff was fairly new. It doesn't bother me so much about no shower over a couple of days, but all combined together like that I found gross.
What do you mean, "be careful?"
I would say he knew exactly what he was doing, was he angry about something? Maybe he is passive aggressive.
It wasn't our first weekend together. We've been dating for 6 months. It's the first weekend I've seen things to this extent though. And I agree with your point about showing someone this side at this point...what happens two years down into it. Thanks.
He said it was an accident, but knowing a child is behind you...even if a few feet...
And he is passive-aggressive...not my favorite type. I mentioned the nose thing, and although he initially seemed glad I told him, he kept doing it.
Really good question. I met a guy once many years ago, who I found gross in similar ways on a first date, and never went out with him again...
This behavior grosses me out.
In 5 years my bf has never heard me fart or burp. It is not that hard to control.
My approach is to talk to him about it. I have to my guy.
My issues was washing hands and touching cats while eating. eeeww
Perhaps this is not normal for him, and he was not feeling well. But if that were the case, I'd think he'd apologize, do a better job hiding it/ excuse himself.
But after reading Aronia's post, I'm thinking she's onto something. That maybe he was purposefully being rude, to test you, and/ or push you away (freaked out, things moving too fast). But what a strange (undignified) way to do it?
Yeah I would be done with this guy......unless you REALLY like him and think that you could talk to him about it?
Otherwise send him a box of kleenex and roll of toilet paper and call it a day! Ha!
These are red flags to you, warning you of things you don't like, so heed them. Don't ignore them and regret it later.
The shower thing, I could see maybe skipping a day, if he was staying at your place, and didn't have his usual grooming stuff But three days is a long time, Plus I'd think the steam from the shower, would have helped with his sinuses.