Healthy Relationships Support Group
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Hi everyone,
A recent weekend my boyfriend of 6 months just spent at my house, grossed me out. I'm seeing a side I haven't seen before.
Most of the weekend was spent with him farting, including in my 8 yr old daughter's face (apparently by accident), and continuing to do so while outside around her (she kept hearing and smelling it and kept telling me about it), and no shower over Fri-Mon, which in my mind...lots of flatulence and no shower...not exactly a turn on for me! I know we all have gas at times, but...his was even in front of us (apparently by accident) as we were about to enter a nice restaurant (very appetizing!).
He's also started making this loud snorting sound with his nose (like some people do unclogging mucous), which he didn't do before.
And he was kind and booked this restaurant (above) for dinner, but in addition to his flatulence on the way inside, he still had dried white sleep around one eye from when he woke up, in addition to not shaving or showering.
Normally, he's been pretty well kept, and a very kind, decent and attractive guy. But needless to say, I was pretty turned off over this whole Valentine's Day weekend, and had no desire to be intimate with him whatsoever.
Am I just being overly critical here, or would you find these things gross too?
I have no desire to see this person anymore (still grossed out), yet don't want to act drastically either. Not sure what to do, outside of communicate my concerns with him. But if he's this comfortable at this point...what would a year look like?!
Thanks.
A recent weekend my boyfriend of 6 months just spent at my house, grossed me out. I'm seeing a side I haven't seen before.
Most of the weekend was spent with him farting, including in my 8 yr old daughter's face (apparently by accident), and continuing to do so while outside around her (she kept hearing and smelling it and kept telling me about it), and no shower over Fri-Mon, which in my mind...lots of flatulence and no shower...not exactly a turn on for me! I know we all have gas at times, but...his was even in front of us (apparently by accident) as we were about to enter a nice restaurant (very appetizing!).
He's also started making this loud snorting sound with his nose (like some people do unclogging mucous), which he didn't do before.
And he was kind and booked this restaurant (above) for dinner, but in addition to his flatulence on the way inside, he still had dried white sleep around one eye from when he woke up, in addition to not shaving or showering.
Normally, he's been pretty well kept, and a very kind, decent and attractive guy. But needless to say, I was pretty turned off over this whole Valentine's Day weekend, and had no desire to be intimate with him whatsoever.
Am I just being overly critical here, or would you find these things gross too?
I have no desire to see this person anymore (still grossed out), yet don't want to act drastically either. Not sure what to do, outside of communicate my concerns with him. But if he's this comfortable at this point...what would a year look like?!
Thanks.
I sure as heck would not even think about her having this behavior. I am a lucky man.
I feel like doing so!
Mellow,
I get that men (and women) can be gross - we all can be at times. It just seemed so cumulative...including the loud nose sound, and not cleaning up enough to go out to a nice restaurant. Farting before we were about to go inside (in addition to the rest of the weekend), and dried sleep around his eye from waking that morning would imply he hadn't even washed his face before going to a nice dinner. And I also get it about lazy weekends...but Valentine's weekend? It's true...I have to decide if this is what I want to live with in my future! Thanks for your feedback.
Mellow, you have a great tolerance.
I forgot to mention that after feeling driven crazy by this nose sound he started making, I found a kind way to slip it in a conversation and that it bothered me. At first it was great...he thanked me for letting him know. But he continued to do it, even at the restaurant, and when I mentioned it, he compared himself to a sound my 8 year old daughter makes when her allergies are bothering her. Given that she has allergies and asthma and is only 8, it's different. Plus he never made this sound in the 6 months we've been dating...seems like he's baring himself in full now.
Seriously though - not on. One shower a day - even on a lazy weekend - is common courtesy if you're planning on sharing any skin with another person. As for cleaning up to go out - nope. If a man has no restaurant manners, he is not eating with me.
That's great that you and your husband are so comfortable with each other.
Funny enough, I've worked with disabled people in the past, too...wiping body parts, hearing sounds, seeing fluids, including cleaning up vomit... And being the mother of a child...well, I've seen and cared for a lot in that regard too.
Just not comfortable with someone appearing one way at first, then all of a sudden seeing all of this stuff that he didn't do before (and don't like) and in a way that suggests a dishonesty about who he is.
The intimacy thing strikes me too... It's hard for me to want to be intimate with someone that's stinky from farting so much and no shower for days to wash it off.
And the dried white sleep around the eye, farting, unshaven and unshowered when you take someone to a nice restaurant...? And Valentine's...?! Never mind the chocolates...that's a treat in itself! lol
That is so nasty! And way too soon in the relationship if you ask me.
I probably would have said something....."Dude really? Can't you take that into the bathroom?"
The no showering is really sick ..... I am just imagining him farting all day and his dick and balls marinating in those fumes all day and then he want;s to put his dick in your mouth!!!???? No WAY!!!!
LOL! You said what I've been thinking about all weekend and week! Too funny! The thought of the smell or as you say his parts "marinating" under those clothes and then wanting physical intimacy... Didn't happen!
I did say something about this new nose sound, but he knew we were grossed out from the (accidental) farting already.
Typically, it's gradual levels of letting some things slide and becoming more comfortable, certainly not all at once.