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Hi,
I don't where to field this one. Heroin addiction or relationships.
My girlfriend of 1 1/2 years wants to break up. I'll try to be brief. My son, 28 yrs old is a heroin addict, well, recovering living on the street of Oakland, Ca, we live in the suburbs of Chicago.
Anyway, he got stabbed by his ex crazy GF on Labor Day. The wounds were bad and he was in the hospital for a week. He is basically homeless, no job. Two felonies on his record (which he could have gotten rid of with drug court but refused) and a warrant for arrest here in Illinois I believe for theft (Store) He is non- violent lay back guy.
So, he had no place to stay, so me and my ex split cost etc for a week and a half. Now he came to me asking for more money. HE still hurting and I did talk to the doctor regarding that.
I didn't want to give it and many times I have refused, but this is a case he is still healing, so yes one last time. unfortunately I had bring my girlfriend into the fray, but this was unusual and the whole event happened during the holiday days.
This weekend he lost contact, I was worried, but I didn't say much to my girlfriend except I was worried, because he was suppose to call. Again, I usually don't have that much contact with him. Trust me, it's better for all, but this is more medical.
Today he called, and I decided to give him an ultimatum. I did, and I did send him money but this is the last. I didn't tell my GF about the money, just that he lost his phone and she went a bit crazy.
Now the problem. She been married once, and she a very nice person. She is 65 but very good looking and a nice person, but has not remarried in 22 years. She used to living alone, but wants to marry me.
Now she called and told me I need to break up with her, even though she loves me because my son will always be a part of my life and he will always need sometime and will cause me stress and her too.
Some of that I guess is true. But,,, even like last night, I was in a great mood even not knowing where he was , and we went dancing and had a great time and laughed etc. I slept over and we had a nice nite, just cuddling and a few kisses etc.
She is really troubled by this. I am 64, I was married 34 years, and I am not sure if I am ready for marriage but I don't really want to break up but she is forcing the issue. I do love her, but I think if you love someone you stick by them. I am usually very happy, I am very active at 64 and run 5K and do very well, I added that to let you know I don't sit on my butt and love to do things. I believe in living.
So I am puzzled. Please give me you thoughts I have enough hanging on my head, now this. Thanks in advance
I don't where to field this one. Heroin addiction or relationships.
My girlfriend of 1 1/2 years wants to break up. I'll try to be brief. My son, 28 yrs old is a heroin addict, well, recovering living on the street of Oakland, Ca, we live in the suburbs of Chicago.
Anyway, he got stabbed by his ex crazy GF on Labor Day. The wounds were bad and he was in the hospital for a week. He is basically homeless, no job. Two felonies on his record (which he could have gotten rid of with drug court but refused) and a warrant for arrest here in Illinois I believe for theft (Store) He is non- violent lay back guy.
So, he had no place to stay, so me and my ex split cost etc for a week and a half. Now he came to me asking for more money. HE still hurting and I did talk to the doctor regarding that.
I didn't want to give it and many times I have refused, but this is a case he is still healing, so yes one last time. unfortunately I had bring my girlfriend into the fray, but this was unusual and the whole event happened during the holiday days.
This weekend he lost contact, I was worried, but I didn't say much to my girlfriend except I was worried, because he was suppose to call. Again, I usually don't have that much contact with him. Trust me, it's better for all, but this is more medical.
Today he called, and I decided to give him an ultimatum. I did, and I did send him money but this is the last. I didn't tell my GF about the money, just that he lost his phone and she went a bit crazy.
Now the problem. She been married once, and she a very nice person. She is 65 but very good looking and a nice person, but has not remarried in 22 years. She used to living alone, but wants to marry me.
Now she called and told me I need to break up with her, even though she loves me because my son will always be a part of my life and he will always need sometime and will cause me stress and her too.
Some of that I guess is true. But,,, even like last night, I was in a great mood even not knowing where he was , and we went dancing and had a great time and laughed etc. I slept over and we had a nice nite, just cuddling and a few kisses etc.
She is really troubled by this. I am 64, I was married 34 years, and I am not sure if I am ready for marriage but I don't really want to break up but she is forcing the issue. I do love her, but I think if you love someone you stick by them. I am usually very happy, I am very active at 64 and run 5K and do very well, I added that to let you know I don't sit on my butt and love to do things. I believe in living.
So I am puzzled. Please give me you thoughts I have enough hanging on my head, now this. Thanks in advance
As I am sure you know and I know through a very good friend of mine who has been dealing with (2) drug addict adult children, they are professional liars and manipulators.
Believe me, I know it is incredibly hard, but your GF is somewhat right, if you do not take a very strong stand and totally refuse to give in to your son's requests, he will know he can manipulate you with one sob story after another, and never take full responsibility for the mess he has got himself into.
The only way he will ever become a fully functional responsible man is when you cut him off completely from any form of help from you, as tough as that is to do, and even if you feel like you are tearing your own heart out by doing it. Two of my friends have had to do this to their adult children, and they are now finally starting to take responsibility for their own lives.
it also seems as though i maybe offended the OP , if i did , it wasnt meant to offend, just to shed light on reality. i do know, cause i do live it, daily and have for 17 years... if i came off abrasive or authoritive it didnt mean to be that way, was more just giving my honest opinion and realities of the life of a drug addict.
of course it is ultimately up to you what you decide to do with your life and your relationship.. n of course it is up to ur son to do with his life what he will.. i wish both of u luck in what ever choice u make , and the hope that its the right one for u what ever right may be in the end.. .lol im rambling, i hope i clarified what i meant
I like to thank you very much for sharing your point of view by your own experiences! When I read posts about others - like the son - with wording as if they and their motives are well known... it makes me ache inside. Whatever we write about others or situations are just o u r perceptions. Which is a huge and tremendous difference in my eyes. So I am glad you told about the personality changing aspects of that addiction and added to an experience many of us have not had ourselves. I would never ever dare to talk about the young man who has become an addict for some reasons connected to his FOO (family of origin) as well. And I mean that just as a fact and without judegment.
TBIRD,
I am wishing you the balance to do what is healthy for both your son and yourself. I perceive your girlfriend as someone wanting (more: d e m a n d i n g) pears from an apple-tree. You guys seem to be in a triangle-dynamcis that is a source of stress no matter who the third party is. Just my view from outside.
I will light a candle on gratefulness.org.
Best
N