I'm having a really difficult time trying to decide whether or not to stay in my marriage.  We have been together 13 years and have two children.  I don't want to put them through a divorce especially my son (he has terrible behavioral problems). My husband has a hard time not losing his temper with him.
And I don't want to have to sell my home.  

And I don't want to loose half my income.  I work and he doesn't.  So because I have let him live off me for over a decade, I will still be responsible for supporting him for several years (in addition to losing the house and half my retirement). 

but things have just gotten so bad.  I'm angry at my husband all the time. Even the way he yawns pisses me off. He keeps accusing me of being controlling and abusive and aggressive which makes no sense because he is all of those things.  I know I can be a bitch but he is scary.  His temper has always been an issue - pushing me, smacking the kids on the arm or legs , throwing /breaking things.  But a month ago , he puts his hands around my neck and threatened to kill me and I called the police for the first time ever.  Initially there was a full stay away order of protection but it has been modified and he is home again on one of those be nice order of protections.  Because of that and the pending charges , he is scared and hasn't been violent.  So I'm not scared of him right now which means I'm finally telling him all the things I've been pissed about and afraid to say. So now we fight all the time bkz I'm not just backing down.  it just seems like there is so much wrong and I don't know how to fix it all