I have had a VERY similar situation happen to me! So there are more of these weirdos out there apparently.

I was the victim of a psychopath a few years ago. This guy was a con artist who pretended to be a wealthy doctor, war veteran (complete with purple heart and other medals hanging in a case on his wall, surrounded by fraudulent letters from the president, thanking him for his service, etc). Anyway, I went on a few dates with this guy, believing this false identity he had given me. On the 6th date, he raped me. I realized at that point, that he wasn't who I thought he was. I started digging and found out he had been married right before I met him and quickly divorced from her. So I managed to find her email address and I contacted her and said basically that I was a victim of this guy (who turned out to be a felon on probation for 7 felonies at the time) and that I saw the legal record of their marriage and if she wanted to tell me her story, I'd love to hear it. In less than a minute, my phone was ringing. She said she KNEW there had to be other victims too. She told me she had been conned by him, believing him to be a physician (he would show up at her house "after work" with a stethoscope around his neck). She went on and on about how he defrauded her and how she married him believing all this and then quickly realized he was a con artist and got it annulled. She wanted to meet for lunch. She wanted to hear about everything he had done to me. I kept digging up more and more info on him as I was going through the process of pressing charges against him and finding out his true identity. I was texting her as I went, telling her of the new things I was digging up on him. Then I contacted an agency that exposes people for stolen valor. I relayed all this info to them and they contacted her as well. She totally went ballistic at that point and emailed me email after email after email going off on me about how she had moved on with her life and she's not going to be part of my "vendetta" against him or whatever. She had been the one who called me. She was the one who wanted to meet for lunch. She was the one who wanted to hear everything I had dug up on him. And now she was suddenly acting like I was harassing her! She was threatening to sue me if I gave her info to anyone (the stolen valor agency). It was completely insane. She was as crazy as the psychopath she married.

Happened again a couple years later. I had been dating another guy who turned out to be a psychopath. Dated him for a year and then found out he was married (separated but talking to her daily, all secret from me). Same situation, I ended up finding one thing after another after another about this guy. He wasn't at all who he portrayed himself to be (he ended up being diagnosed with a bunch of personality disorders and other psych disorders shortly after this). At one point, I realized that he was actually married to TWO different women while I was dating him. I had contacted the wife (2nd one) at one point, to ask if they were married becuase I was getting so many mixed stories from him. After I told her all the nasty things he had told me about her (and he finally admitted to her that he did indeed say all of this to me), she was finally friendly with me and told me she'd tell me the truth about everything if he didn't. Well, later on, when I found out that he was actually married to two women, I decided to contact her again and let her know that he was still married to his first wife as well as her. She did the same as this woman just did to you. She contacted the asshole, and had the asshole relay a msg to me that I sound crazy and to stop contacting her. Well then why not just block me (which is what I ended up doing to her). So you know what? Those idiots can have each other. I've noticed that these lunatics tend to date/marry other lunatics so they deserve each other. I want nothing to do with any of them. They're all blocked and my life is so much more peaceful now.

Thanks for sharing your experiences Agent. The first time I contacted her was to let her know how he treated her little girl and she was filling my head with ugly stuff he did, seemed appreciative of my call and asked me to keep in touch (which I had no intention on doing, feeling I already did what needed doing)....and to turn around and not only tell him I called both times but to make me out like I'm harassing her... I'm shocked. I've never been in a situation like this before and can't believe it.

Yeah it's ridiculous. She should be concerned about her child. With what I went through, my head was spinning from finding out I had been conned by these sociopaths who were never who they said they were. I find these other victims who knew exactly what I was dealing with, had been through it as well, and instead of being supportive, they went on the attack. I don't get it. I think maybe they need to live in some sort of denial in order to deal with what they went through with these guys (or in the case of yours, she needs to live in denial because they share custody of the kid and she doesn't want to do with the realization of how bad he is). They live in denial because they can't deal with reality. So when something threatens their denial, that coping mechanism they have, they need to defend it. They do that by attacking the messenger. Sorry you had to deal with it too.

That makes perfect sense. It's easier to stay in the comfort zone of how things are for her I guess and as you say denial. Although she went on to me when we talked about what a liar he is and not to believe anything he says, how her daughter never wants to go there (the child she initially tried to tell him wasn't born - didn't live) and how he twisted his son's arm, etc., and took him to court for 4 years...then to turn on me, who tried to help her protect her child from mistreatment. Unbelievable.

Yep, same in my situations, especially the first one. I sent her an email saying I had been a victim of him and if she wanted to talk and tell me her story, I gave my number, otherwise, I'm sorry to have bothered her. She immediately called me. She talked for hours. She wanted to meet me. She went on and on about everything she knew about his lies and who he really was. She wanted to testify in my case against him. She wanted to see the look on his face when she got called to the witness stand in my case. And on and on and on. And then to suddenly do a 180 and go crazy on me and act like I had some vendetta against him after what a horrific thing he had done to me. Well, the thing was, when she got an annulment of their marriage, he was made to pay her back like $30k that he had conned her out of. He was paying this per month, as long as he had a job. So if he went to prison for raping me, she wouldn't get her money. So that was more important to her. So suddenly I was the bad guy for wanting him to go to prison for rape. People suck. I can't imagine attacking a rape victim, knowing the hell she had just been through, having been the victim of her rapist myself. It's just mind boggling what people are capable of.

I think you should alert the authorities. I THINK the mother is an example of a scorned woman. YET she still loves him. Some people are very manipulative. But the best you can do is alert authorities and stay away from them. Their "psychoness" won't be of any benefit to you so it's in your favour to be away from that kind of toxic behaviour. Pray for the family though, not coz of the parents but for the sake of the children. I hope you too are given peace. x

God Bless ❤️

Thanks for your responses Agent and Frankiee.

I blocked him from my phone last night, although it worked for text, and from me seeing he is calling, yet he can leave a message - strange way for a phone to block, but it's a start. I'll also block him from emails. And Frankiee I think you're right about the mother as an example of a scorned woman. He said before that she's a wolf in sheep's clothing and I see that now. He's also said she was giving him looks like she still wanted him, even though she's married now, so who knows.... Yesterday was really hard for me that this all happened, but today I look forward to putting them both out of my head and life.

If things progress though, I guess I'll have to alert the authorities, if they try to disrupt my life in any way. Hopefully that won't be the case.

Agent, I'm sorry that you went through what you did as well...awful stuff. I'm glad you got away from it.

I think she is also a manipulator. The two are dysfunctional and want to control each others lives. I would honor the request and not contact the mother any more. I would also tell the EXBF to not contact you anymore either.

Thanks Misred. I agree and have absolutely no desire to contact the mother anymore. It was Sunday morning I called and she didn't reply back, so I left things...fast forward to Tuesday and that's when she tells him to tell me to stop calling her, after I already let things be when she didn't return my call. I think you're right about the manipulation aspect....so friendly and like a "bestie" on the phone and a whole other person afterward.

I blocked him from my phone and will make it clear for him to not contact me anymore if he tries to otherwise. Yesterday in addition to saying nasty things, he told me he didn't want to hear from me anymore (bc of what happened), yet he was the one texting me on three different days in two weeks. Hopefully it will all stop now.

attnrose, I don't think it would be a bad idea to talk to a police officer preemptively. Just to make sure you're covered, in case this escalates any further. Then there will already be documentation on the books. I'm sorry you're going through this. Clearly you were just trying to be a good person and it came back to bite you, which is an awful feeling. Take care.

Fearless, this is a good point. I'm just concerned that the police may tell me it's my "duty to report" to CPS, which I don't want to do at this point, as I feel the communication that has transpired is enough at this point (i.e. making him aware that his treatment of his daughter is a concern).

I wrote a letter for him explaining why I talked to the mom (not out of spitefulness but out of concern) thinking that because he must feel hugely betrayed. I haven't sent it, but have it ready to email him in case he were to contact me again. I feel it important for him to know it wasn't out of maliciousness etc. I'm not sure if I should email it to him or to wait. If I email it to him, it may bring us both peace, knowing the intention wasn't to hurt and maybe we can both move on more peacefully.

I personally that this has gone way to far..... He held on to his daughter and wanted her to sit with him and she didn't want to..... She got upset...... Do I think he was wrong in doing this ...YES!
I think probably a lot of people tell their kids to 'sit still' though and it wouldn't be considered child abuse
You called the mother to tell her about this and this was what you believe is right however she doesn't want to continue talking and now your ex is upset about it..... all of it.
I can't see how this is a matter for CPS or the police?... To me it just seems that the adults have gotten sort of upset with each other..... At least from what I've read unless I'm missing something???

Suncloud, He restrained his daughter on his lap and wouldn't let her go for 15 minutes regardless of what she wanted and telling him to let her go because he wanted her attention...to the point of her crying and screaming over and over and at one point saying he was hurting her, which he denied and continued on. She was emotionally distressed and her body was heaving afterward when she came to sit near me...which upset him again, and he took her to his room and she cried more saying she wanted her mother... You don't see that as disturbing?

I wrote that I think it was wrong..... I think he lacks some parenting skills and was behaving immaturely.... CPS or police wrong no....... You addressed this with the child's mother and I think you did what you thought was right.... She doesn't want to continue talking about it however she's been informed and that took courage ...... If it were me I would just let it go now and I think blocking their phone numbers was a good idea.... You and your ex maybe have some unresolved emotional issues is that possible?.... You cared for him a lot not too long ago?..... Big hug......xo

I don't *think* the police would be able to force you to report to CPS. Maybe that's something to google for your state or county before you call?