We don’t combine our money but I know most couples do and they use a combined pot of money to pay monthly expense all joint expenses. My husband and I have always maintained separate checking accounts, credit card accounts and savings accounts. We agreed on that when we first met, I think because we were already financially independent and strong when we met, so it made no sense to us to just combine everything. Instead we split up the household bills fairly where whoever made the most money paid more of the load. So it felt fair. But we both still paid for our own credit card bills, car payments, fuel for our own cars. I took public transportation for several years when I worked at a job where there was little parking and I paid for that. etc.

In your case you are making a lot less than him I suspect. Does he expect you to pay an equal share of everything or is it a matter of he expects you to pay for your transportation to and from work, any incidentals you want. Does he give you some money aside from your salary?

Are you able to go back to work full time? Sometime to you just have to renegotiate the terms of whatever agreement you had with your husband due to circumstances changing.

I'm not sure how common a single family pot is any more. My husband and I have often been called freaks for combining our incomes and working from a single family coffer. We track the bottom line far more than we track what is coming from where.

There sure are allot of ways to run any set of books and whatever way you run them, getting the columns to add up is an on-going challenge. Keep sorting, Rampage. Your answers are in there.

I think no matter what the situation, if a couple chooses to combine income into a "family pot" or keep their incomes separate that money matters require ongoing discussion and for both parties to be open to renegotiation. However, it can be a really stressful topic particularly when one person makes more than the other which I believe is more the rule than the exception in today's society. It sounds like, in the end, you want to feel more financially secure- are you wanting to do this independently of your husband or for your joint finances to be renegotiated? I think that's a good place to start thinking about what steps you might like to take to feel on a more even keel financially. Some people benefit from only paying for things in cash rather than with plastic, some sit down and make a spreadsheet of income to expenses and track for a bit where their money is going then choose where they can cut back their spending without feeling like they are depriving themselves. What will work for you? I don't know. And what part (if any) you would like your husband to play in this, whether it might be that he picks up an additional household expense, or if he helps support you as you work things though or some other way- is up to you. I'm sorry he's making you feel lousy about yourself as you struggle. I, myself, make more than my husband and try extremely hard to be aware of that- how we divide our bills and who takes care of what expense/ how we are going to attack upcoming expenses is an ongoing discussion (thankfully, we've never fought about this but we have both come to the table when something felt unfair/ not possible for one of us financially and worked through what felt more reasonable, even if it meant putting something off for a little while because saving for it was going to take longer than initially expected) Money is a tough topic for many couples, you are certainly not alone in your experience! Best to you!

I have had both situations, making less than my spouse and making the same amount. I have also lived in marriages where everything was combined and where money was kept wholely separate.

Money is a very emotional topic for marriages and that is because mismanagement can cause a lot of damage.

Are you and your spouse able to take the emotions out of your financial decisions? Emotions are the biggest cause of poor monetary decisions.

My husband was understanding when I made half of what he made. I did not pay one half of the bills as it wasn't feasible for me to do so at the time. Now that I make more, I contribute more.

You said that you feel your spouse belittles you for not making enough and not being able to pay for things as he does. This is concerning. Would he treat a business partner the same away about a mutual investment? If not, then he should not be treating you that way either. Our spouses should be understanding about our difficulties in life.

If he is using these remarks as a way of expressing frustration over a difficult situation, try to encourage him to express his feelings about that rather than direct hurtful comments towards you.

Do not consider this blaming you, but we all need to look at ourselves objectively in our problems as that helps us to see how we may be contributing to the difficulties. If you think that you are being irresponsible in your spending then you could work on that. If you are responsible, then you have nothing to be ashamed about by making less money than him. You can only do what you can.

Every couple has an agreed upon way of spending money, whether they speak it out loud and do a written budget together or not. Rules that are made for spending money can cause big conflict when these rules are broken by one person. What I might suggest is starting to budget carefully and strictly from your earned income. Keep track of your receipts. Start with a written budget for your bills. List out what you will need to spend for everything on your required list. Do this ASAP for March's income and outgo (bills, food, medical, spending money, etc.). Do this just for your money. If the couple were combining money in one pot, then it should be done for the entire thing. It will show you where your weakness and strengths are. If you are spending money on non-budgeted things or not keeping track of your money well, then this will show you where the problems lies. Know what money you will need for bills and then also know what money you are spending overall, for any money spent even eating out. Perhaps husband feels you are not careful with your money? Having a written two month budget with tracked spending will show this to be true or not true. This will also tell you whether or not there is room for improvement in your budgeting skills or if your husband is truly being "mean" and verbally abusive.

The best way to prevent and resolve any issue in marriage is open communication. Once the lines of communication open up, share your needs or concerns. The two of you are teammates in life and should treat each other as teammates. Although I have more education than my husband, he makes more money. He cares for most of the expenses, but this is something we discussed before marriage. Simply put, the higher-earning spouse should not penalize the other person for working in a lower-paying job. Is there anyone you can reach out to for advice? A professional or a trusted person with experience in this area? Hang in there.

I only work a few nights a week.teaching yoga because I chose to be the stay home mom.so my husband makes a lot more then me as the head maitence for school dept.then he gets a disability from the us military because most of his hearing is gone.

When ever I need something and I only ask if its for our daughter.he's good about it and he'll always ask if I need something.

As to him it don't matter as it didn't for me.because after he was discharged from the military.he was pushing carts for 6 months at target and at the time I had a good job and he had his disability from the military.he lost most his hearing in iraq