Zigz....I'm glad that you are looking at the big picture....Zigz, in my opinion the bigger problem here is "snooping" People who snoop on their partner I have to wonder why, WTF is that all about? If their is a lack of trust then why be in that relationship?? In an open forum you get a variety of opinions and these are just mine.

Okay, I guess I am on the opposite side or yorman1. I dated multiple guys, who I snooped through their phones and they got super pissed, but they were also cheating and hiding things about themselves that were huge deal breakers for me. Now I am dating a guy, who knows I have looked at his phones (work and personal) and who gave me permission to do so and never gets upset. He has passcodes on both and he told me the passcodes a long while ago. Our relationship is an open book and what a breath of fresh air that is. I'm with Lenore on this one. I have been in some shitty relationships and I don't put up with lying. If they lie to me about something that big, then I know they aren't the one for me. I'm thinking there is something more going on and it sounds like your gut thinks that too. If it were me, I would confront him, tell him that I know, and see what his reaction is. If he comes clean and apologizes without making a big deal about the phone or changing his passcodes then good for him, I would forgive him for the lie. If he freaks about the phone and changes his passcodes and gives ME shit for looking when he lied straight to my face?! I'm gone. Just me though, I wish you the best and go with your gut.

This response is for Zigz, more than KS 89..IF their is a lack of trust then why be in that relationship? Simple question is it not? Whether a partner gave you a reason not to trust or its your own trust issues and insecurities, why be with someone you don't or can't trust??? I can't imagine snooping on a partner or a partner snooping on me. I can't imagine it because if their is any lack of trust at all from either of us there won't be a relationship PERIOD!!!!!!! I firmly believe people have a right to their privacy and wanting privacy does not equate to being dishonest or having something to hide....Trust is the foundation of a good relationship, without trust what does the relationship really have??....Ron

When someone lies to you, and you know or heavily suspect they're lying, or have come across some proof that they've been lying, they break the honour of trust and lose all privileges normally afforded to a trusting relationship.

The person who has nothing to hide, doesn't require privacy from their partner, so there is no reason to keep things private. What I've learned is that those who do feel the need to keep a part of their life private, are usually up to something that others and their partner, would not condone. Privacy equals secrecy, and they don't have any place in a healthy and open relationship.

I keep a journal and write some crazy ass stuff in it, and some of it is when I'm really upset with my husband. It's technically private, my private thoughts and ideas. But I don't hide my journal; it sits on my nightstand or on a table in our living room. My husband knows it's my journal This is the fine line about privacy/secrecy... I have private thoughts that I write down and my husband respects me having private thoughts by not reading my journal. That's the transparency, that we have our emails, laptops, phones, etc out in the open in our home. I have all my husbands passwords and vice versa out of common sense. If something happened to one of us, we'd be able to easily access the other person's info. When you are transparent, there's no reason for suspicion and therefore no reason to go through each others things for no good reason. I'm not a distrustful person. I have no reason to suspect my husband is doing anything wrong and he feels the same way. And the reason for that is we just make no effort to hide anything.

Now, if he suddenly started hiding things, or behaving differently, like always coming home late, making up stories, etc., damn right I'm looking through his stuff.

Well said Rmb, this is exactly the essence of trust: transparency, and the journal is an excellent example. We also have the very same set-up in our relationship, and there is never a need to look, unless, as you stated, and damn right I too am going to look at his stuff.

Well why go into a relationship feeling the need to hide things, to set up privacy settings on phones, and what not. I mean, that would never even occur to me. Isn't doing that telling your partner, I do not trust you? I don't get that at all.

rmb I could not agree with you more...Why be in a so called relationship if their is no trust..In reality you don't have a relationship your only kidding yourself.

Well said again Rmb.

I have decided that whatever his reason for not telling me is most likely to adhere to the "bro code" and for the benefit of the other people involved. Nothing has changed really his phone still has the same code, I think I may have been jumping the gun here and giving in to my insecurity. I asked him and he said nothing bad happened and it was a bachelor party and they did what ever guys do at those. I believe him and am giving him the benefit of the doubt here. Hopefully it proves to be a decent decision.

Smart girl!!!!