Can you show him your proof?

I could but I think that would lead into a whole other argument.....I saw some messages on his phone and took a screen shot of it. It is an invasion of privacy but in my mind if nothing bad happened why go so far to keep it covered up.

And continually keep denying it. I don't approve of strippers at bachelor parties but I get it. The dancers aren't the problem it's the lie itself thst is bothering me.

People lie for lots of stupid reasons so if it were me, I'd just say, look, here's how I know there were women there so let's just stop pretending and start being honest with each other. If you have proof but are holding out telling him you have the info because you want to see if he'll eventually tell you, that's a a bit deceitful too, in a way. So just be honest, be direct, so you can both figure it out. But your proof better be solid.

If he continues to deny it even when faced with proof, then I think you have a problem

It is deceitful of me because I had my suspicions and hacked his phone and that it self is a whole new can of worms.. I feel kinda betrayed idk if he was lying about it to protect my feelings or whatever but lying by omission is still lying

Agree.

It's a double edge sword here, he lied and I found out about said lie through less than exceptional means. Either way people are going to get hurt. ..what's the saying. ..the truth shall set you free but at first it's going to hurt like hell.

It sounds like you both have reasons to have trust issues with each other.....I would fess up about what you did as rmb wrote and let him know what you know and how you feel about his lying....

It may be as simple as he didn't want to argue however once someone lies it's hard to trust anything that they say...

Five years is quite a while to be dating and if you can't trust someone when you're dating the future looks grim ..IMHO.... I hope you can open up some lines of communication.... big hug....xo

This is the first time something like this has happened he has been to other bachelor parties with dancers and told me about it. That's why I'm worried some thing else may have happened this time and perhaps some fidelity lines were crossed.

Or am I letting my emotions get the best of me on this one and letting them run rampant. Maybe it is like sun cloud said he just didn't want to argue about it. Should this be seen as a white lie or something more serious?

I can only imagine what you must be going through, and I am so sorry this happened. Communication is the key – so I think I would be a good idea if you can sit down with him and let him know how you’re feeling, clarify your doubts, or just clear the air. Do it all in a loving way – maybe he will understand your point of view? Sending prayers your way. Stay strong and take care of yourself, okay?

You have heard the term "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" Having owned a nightclub-restaurant, with several function rooms. Yes we had bachelor parties, 95% of them had girls. Now you ask did anything happen? Nobody wants to be the one who let the cat out of the bag. In this case your partner, because you "snooped". Your persistence and proof that there were females!!! These girls are not prostitutes, they are dancers, like can be seen any night of the week at a gentleman's club. I assure you that the more you make of it the harder it will be to back out of a situation that you are making worse than what it is. Friends have a code of honor, what you are asking is bigger than you think because it not only involves your friend but also all his friends.Let it go, its no worse than a bunch of gals getting together to watch the Chippendales........The most popular Male dance review in Vegas. Give him a break, nothing happened.......

Zigz, if you can't come clean about getting into his phone and thar's how you know he's lying, can you be ok with that? Can you just tuck it away, or will it always be nagging at you? If it is always going to be troubling you, that will eventually affect your relationship with him. So that's the flip side of not saying anything.

It's not about the strippers. It's about trusting each other and not lying to each other.

In a serious relationship, the only thing that is private is going number two. You did nothing wrong by looking at his phone. Your lives should be an open book to one another. If his phone is locked, then that's where the problem lies, not with your looking at his phone. If he's not doing anything that needs to be hidden, then why hide it? I've heard all the excuses and reasons for keeping your phone locked, work, confidential emails, yada yada, but the truth usually is they are hiding something. There is no reason for secrecy unless you're hiding something.

If you let this one go, you are giving him the green light to continue doing these things and lying to you about it. If he did cheat, cheaters lie, and they don't tell until you show them the smoking gun. Come over to the Infidelity board and post the same thing and see what sort of replies you get.

Like you said, he's been to parties where there were dancers in the past and he's told you about it, yet this time he said there weren't, and you know there were, so why lie about it?

I would do more digging and see what you can come up with, but for me this would be deal breaker.

I wish you well.

Yorman what you just stated there opened my mind to a new way of looking at the situation and I thunk about it and I probably am making a mountain out of a mole hill. Thank you for that insight. Should I just bury the fact that I snooped his phone along with the details he's not telling me? I can see how not telling me this information goes farther than just the 2 of us. I mean some of the fellers that were at that party are married to my friends so in retrospect I can see why not to tell me.