Healthy Relationships Support Group
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I've been on 5 dates with a girl and we were really connecting. We didn't kiss until our 2nd date and our 3rd date we messed around a little bit but things were rolling smooth. She's been texting me good morning and good night texts and we've been texting here and there in the evening. Plus we're not rushing it this is over a period of a month and a half.
We had a quick date Wednesday and just had good conversation and passionately made out and made plans for friday night. I could tell she wanted to have sex then. I hadn't had sex in 2 years so I was worried how I'd perform so I masterbated in the morning. The problem is I was super horny after work and worried again I'd climax quick so I masterbated a couple hours before she came over. I think that screwed me over because I didn't realize how spent I was.
She came over and we cooked dinner and planned on watching a movie. We turned on the movie and started making out and messing around. The foreplay lasted a long time and then she went down on me. Had I not masterbated that would have been all I needed. We went to the bedroom and messed around for a while more and then had sex it was decent but not great, I couldn't perform to my standards but she got off and so did I. I got the feeling she wanted me to go down on her but I was feeling self conscious and didn't for some reason, I usually enjoy that.
After sex we cuddled and fell asleep for a bit. I asked if she'd stay and she said she couldn't. I knew she had a baby shower and a birthday party to go to so I know she's busy today. I asked how it's going and she replied "it's going." I don't know something seemed off, I felt like We made out and cuddled a while longer and then almost had sex again but didn't. I again said it's late and she has a half hour drive and made sure she knew she was welcome to stay over. She said she needs to bring stuff if she wants to stay over, like glasses...and that next time she'll pack a bag.
We got up and kissed goodbye and she left at like midnight. We failed to make plans to see each other again and I was kinda feeling a little hurt that she was leaving but trying not to make a big deal about it. I thought she'd at least text when she got home to say she made it alright. I text a buddy and told him what's up and he said not to worry about it and see if she sends one of her good morning texts. I didn't get much sleep after she left I kept over thinking things. She usually texts in the morning to say good morning and she didn't text so I text her and I haven't heard back. Who knows maybe she's still sleeping but I doubt it.
I can't help get the feeling I screwed something up here. I shouldn't have masterbated before and I know I should have gone down on her. Maybe she was self conscious I didn't get off when she went down on me, maybe she thinks I'm a jerk for not reciprocating the favor, maybe the sex was awful for her, maybe some stuff came up emotionally, I don't know but something is different and I don't like it. I feel like that was the last time I'll ever see her and that hurts because we had something going.
We had a quick date Wednesday and just had good conversation and passionately made out and made plans for friday night. I could tell she wanted to have sex then. I hadn't had sex in 2 years so I was worried how I'd perform so I masterbated in the morning. The problem is I was super horny after work and worried again I'd climax quick so I masterbated a couple hours before she came over. I think that screwed me over because I didn't realize how spent I was.
She came over and we cooked dinner and planned on watching a movie. We turned on the movie and started making out and messing around. The foreplay lasted a long time and then she went down on me. Had I not masterbated that would have been all I needed. We went to the bedroom and messed around for a while more and then had sex it was decent but not great, I couldn't perform to my standards but she got off and so did I. I got the feeling she wanted me to go down on her but I was feeling self conscious and didn't for some reason, I usually enjoy that.
After sex we cuddled and fell asleep for a bit. I asked if she'd stay and she said she couldn't. I knew she had a baby shower and a birthday party to go to so I know she's busy today. I asked how it's going and she replied "it's going." I don't know something seemed off, I felt like We made out and cuddled a while longer and then almost had sex again but didn't. I again said it's late and she has a half hour drive and made sure she knew she was welcome to stay over. She said she needs to bring stuff if she wants to stay over, like glasses...and that next time she'll pack a bag.
We got up and kissed goodbye and she left at like midnight. We failed to make plans to see each other again and I was kinda feeling a little hurt that she was leaving but trying not to make a big deal about it. I thought she'd at least text when she got home to say she made it alright. I text a buddy and told him what's up and he said not to worry about it and see if she sends one of her good morning texts. I didn't get much sleep after she left I kept over thinking things. She usually texts in the morning to say good morning and she didn't text so I text her and I haven't heard back. Who knows maybe she's still sleeping but I doubt it.
I can't help get the feeling I screwed something up here. I shouldn't have masterbated before and I know I should have gone down on her. Maybe she was self conscious I didn't get off when she went down on me, maybe she thinks I'm a jerk for not reciprocating the favor, maybe the sex was awful for her, maybe some stuff came up emotionally, I don't know but something is different and I don't like it. I feel like that was the last time I'll ever see her and that hurts because we had something going.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
Maybe, she was just wanting to have sex and be done. Not saying you were used, but that's a possibility as well. Maybe she was horny, you were the option and she crossed a line that was too soon for her.
Or again, she was just wanting to get some. I find girls I date now more aggressive then when I had dated prior to my ex. Its actually a turn off for me when they want to move so quick. While I am trying to grow in to the new dating scene and catch up, I still don't care for someone who is so quick to have sex. Im looking for a relationship, not an immediate fix for pleasure or loneliness.
Its easy to cross the line when in the moment, its when all that adrenaline and fire subsides when some people, not all, think about what they did and may have some hesitation about it afterwards.
You already text'd her, she has a busy morning, so let it be for now. It may be on your mind all day, what am I saying, it WILL be on your mind all day, but you can't let it consume you. If you do, you will make poor decisions in your communications with her and then ... things will not only "feel" weird for you, but BE weird for her.
So hang in there. Don't be so self conscious and try to enjoy the relationship, whatever it may be at this moment. Just chill.
and don't masturbate. Sometimes when "it" happens too fast, it shows not a weakness but its something uncontrolled and happens cus of how you feel, and there are gals, and guys, who would like to know they have that effect on their partner. So stop masturbating prior. Just go with what comes. Don't put so much thought in to it, that it has this effect on you after. You should be smiling ear to ear today after last night, not all wrapped up in your head with fear and anxiety about something, that may be nothing to her.
don't read everything into when she texts, or if she wears blue it means ...
you seem to be solid & sincere, stay that way, odds are pretty good that she has not encountered that as the world is full of douche bags
and you aren't one
Sex does change a relationship, a dynamic, that's true and I'm sure wants to feel good about the experience as much as you do. So you just talk about it the next time you're together. You're not a mind reader and neither is she.
Relax indeed.. And just be yourself, and like the guys said, don't over think stuff. If you do, you're going to start acting weird when you're around her, and that will push her away.
First thing is you need to join the Health Sex board here and read the important posts or maybe even write your post there.
I can only tell you from personal experience here. Men that take a woman's needs in bed are few and far between in the vast majority of men. Pay attention to what she says and dose as they will give you the keys to unlocking her happiness.
Calm down and SLOW down! Take your time and don't let anxiety get the best of you. Treat Sex or as I call it making love as a special bonding moment of sharing yourself with her. If your having anxiety over it then it may be too soon. Also do not base healthy sex on PORN as that is a fantasy world that dosnt really exist.
In my opinion your should have reciprocated for her, but that should not be a deal breaker either. If it is you were used and its time to move on. Making love is about two people doing for each other and the goal should be to make your partner as happy as possible.
It is a old wives tail that masturbating helps you last longer. Every person is different and when making love feels different. ChiTown gave you some great advice ! Some women are actually flattered if you don't last so long the first time around and well honestly sometimes a guy cant with how great it feels or how strong their love is for their partner. Dosnt mean you cant try again. I personnaly try to please her in other way, before making love just in case and it usually help a woman to relax more and they reach orgasm much faster if its the third or fourth one.
I wish you luck ! Calm down and take your time!
Uh?
I takes more than 5 dates and sex to call something love, or someone your partner. It takes time to know what someone likes or doesn't like, wants or doesn't want. What's with all this pressure on yourselves right out of the gate?
It's not about your performance. It's about the overall intimacy you shared.
I am sorry if you were put off by that statement. I probably should have spent more time wording the actual sentiment I wanted to come out of that statement. See some men get so involved with their love or emotional feeling for their woman and couple that with the physical feeling of being with them that their stamina just isn't what it could be. I guess the point I was really try to convey is that their are other ways to please a woman and they should all be employed to make sure she is mutually satisfied. To me making love is the most intimate emotional experience you can have with another person. It is taken far to lightly these days and it seems like both men and women are just out to get laid. I have had discussions with women about the PE issues many times and was told by a few that if it happens once in awhile it can be a compliment they their partner is really tuned on by them. I was not saying all the time as that is either a physical or mental issue causing that. I feel that I must throw this out there for everyone understanding and that is statistics show men last an average of 2 minutes and it take woman around 12 minutes so with that said I feel a man should put in more work to equally satisfy a woman. This dose not pertain to all men and women though. I also feel porn is a fantasy world that teaches both men and women faults expectations.
I am sorry if I offended you.
It appears I need to work on my own insecurity if I want this relationship to have any longevity. She's back to texting good morning and good night, made a point to text me when she got home after a party last night and I said I wish we were cuddling and she agreed. Too bad we're busy and can't see each other for another week. This is all just overhelming for me it's my first relationship after getting sober and things are a little intense and scary at times aside from the fact that I really like this girl and see long term potential.
I think you guys forget women are just trying to figure it all out too.
ColdRoses, take care of your sobriety first and foremost. And just enjoy the time you have with this person, whatever happens.
Some times guys get so rapped up in trying to impress a lady that they don't pay attention to what she really wants in her life.
Good Luck !
There's also a Healthy Sex board on here that you might find helpful Cold
I hope that the relationship works out well for you....x
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Healthy-Sex/support-group
#1 - You should not have masterbated. That will really screw things up for a guy who is dating.
#2 - You should have given her oral sex when she wanted it.