Healthy Relationships Support Group
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I'm not sure what to do in my current relationship and can use some advice.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years. First of all, I don't feel respected. Most of the time when I go over to his apartment to stay the weekend, he has a list of chores for me to do. He has me do his dishes, do the laundry, dust, vacuum, and take out the trash. Sometimes he does them with me, sometimes he does not.
When I tell him I don't want to do his chores he gets upset and says "We are supposed to be a team". He also mentions the two times he helped me out with chores at my apartment ( even though I help him almost every weekend I am over). He also has called me a princess and has said I will make a bad wife and mother.
He also recently sprained his elbow and even though he feels well enough to play hours of video games, chores "hurt him so bad" and if I don't do them, I " don't care about my sick boyfriend". He has been giving me orders like this before he sprained his elbow, but the sprained elbow definitely escalated things.
Also, I frequently do the chores "wrong" and he has to correct me. He has handed me a duster and vacuum before and despite me saying that I do not want to do his chores, he told me to "start doing them". A few minutes later he was like " I can tell you are not really into this" then started doing the chores, walked away angerly and refused to speak to me for about half an hour. He has also told me that I "make him angry". In addition, he has said that " If this sprained elbow is long term, it may may have me reevaluate this relationship, since you don't seem able to take care of me".
It would be one thing if he broke his elbow, but he is healthy enough to play hours of video games. He has also been giving me orders like this long before he got the elbow sprain.
Some of the other stuff he wants me to do are to grab things around the house for him, even if he is sitting closer or knows where to find the object and I do not. He has also given me orders to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for him, then said I did not use enough peanut butter or jelly and had me remake it. I have told him before to say "please" when he wants me to do things for him but he was like "What is wrong with you? Why do I have to say please?"
When I was out of town and came back, he also said I was " neglecting my girlfriend duties" by not taking care of him.
In addition to the orders, I also feel really bored around him. He likes to sit around the house all day and play video games. If I invite him to do something like go on a walk, go to a party with my friends, hang out at the lake with me, or go to the water park with me, he refuses about 95 percent of the time, and does not seem like he is enjoying himself when he does go. I basically have to chose between going by myself and/or other friends and family or spending time with him at his apartment but basically just fiddling around on my iPad while he plays video games. I feel bored out of my mind when I do this because it is for the whole weekend when I come over, and every weekend. This has also been the situation even before COVID. I have tried playing video games with him, but I can't do it with him as a hobby. They make me feel so bored.
We compromise sometimes by watching a movie, but it is really hard to create memories with someone when all you are doing is watching movies together. When we do watch movies, he also just looks bored and wants to go back to playing video games as soon as possible. I feel like I am practically begging for his attention and I don't like doing that. I feel like the people I care about should want to spend time with me. I shouldn't have to beg.
He has also said that it is a deal breaker if I can't accept his video game playing. The thing is, I don't care that he plays them. I just care that he doesn't seem interested in doing anything else, or spending time with me.
I also remember one time when I came home from a day at the water park ( that he was not interested in joining) he was in the middle of a video game and did not look up for half an hour. When I said that I wanted eye contact and a conversation after being gone all day he snapped at me and was like " What is wrong with you? Why do you need so much attention? "
Just looking for some advice what to do. I feel shaky and sick just writing this.
Thank you,
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Look at what my best friend did with my picture!
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We all have 24 hours in a day. How we spend these hours is important. Watching a little bit of a video about how sitting affects us made me aware of how much sitting and laying down I do. Gonna have to work on that.Your turn. Tell me another truth.
Do yourself a favor and don’t pretend he’s just not attentive. Or that somehow this is a normal relationship. It’s bat shit crazy. Sorry to be so harsh but come on now. He is clearly a turd.
Can you keep this up the rest of your life? If not...run.
When people show you who they are, believe them.