Healthy Relationships Support Group
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So I have been dealing with a lot lately, my husband and I just had a baby 2 months ago. Anyone knows how hard it is, on top of that we have a 5 year old. I am a stay at home mom, and love it. Things for us have been going south lately, and he hasnt been himself so I knew something was up. I have talked to him, and he calls me crazy for thinking anything. I accused him of cheating the other week and he up and left. Told me he couldnt take it anymore that I dont trust him. Well he has been gone now for 3 weeks and hasnt come home at all. Has left me with the kids, dogs, house everything. It is really hard for me I keep asking him to come home but he says no that he doesnt love me anymore. Well come to find out that he was at a hotel the other night and has been on a dating website. I confronted him and he is saying i pushed him to seek attention from other women. Which is crazy to me I show him so much love, and its been hard with a newborn. He says he wants a divorce and that he wants to see the house and he took my brand new car we bought for the kids to be safe in. I just dont know what to do. Its been 3 weeks and he still isnt home trying to fix anything, he hasnt seen the kids, and he hasnt filed. My heart is completly broken and I'm at a loss. My family is telling me to go file, so I went to the courthouse but I just sat in the parking lot and cried I couldnt bring myself to go in. I asked him to try and fix things but he said he doesnt know he is going to focus on himself and for me to leave him alone. What do I do? Do I just say ok and move on and file or try and work it out for the kids? This isnt the first time he has done this, he left us when my daughter was 1 and came back into our life about 2 years ago. It seems he gets stressed and overwhelmed and runs. I am so lost and I dont know where to look or turn.
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
If you have any joint accounts I would make sure that you have the money that you need presently for you and your children to live on
He has abandoned you and your children and before being concerned about anything else protect yourself
He's behaving like a child.... an immature child
He needs to grow up and man up whether you're able to work out your marriage or not he has two children to help support...
I am really sorry that you're hurting so badly..... If you love him I hope that you can work out your marriage problems however if it were me I would insist on marriage counselling before I let him back in
But firstly protect you and your children..... Big hug....xo
you don't need to file for divorce. i might come off as "telling you what to do"...but please try to take it differently...as "advising"....sorry. but i'm not gonna lie. i'm leaning more towards "divorce".
talk to a lawyer and hear out your options. i know that "divorce" sounds scary, ESPECIALLY since you're a stay-at-home mom....but talk to a lawyer about ALL options. fight for child support, and DEFINITELY alimony. you'd also be able to discuss all other assets you both have.
THEN, when that has your husband's attention, maybe he'll come to the "table" and be able to "compromise". but at least YOU will have the upper hand (in my opinion). you lay down what it is YOU expect from him and HE needs to respect that.
You will feel better after talking to the lawyer. Reach out to any friends or family for some emotional support. Best wishes to you. So sorry you are going through this, that's just awful of him. Be strong and get through this rough time. None of this is your fault.
Everyone gets stressed. Life is stressful, for EVERYONE. He’s not immune to that. I mean hell, I’d love to run away sometimes, you know.
What he is doing is cruel and unfair, but also it seems punitive. Take back control by getting your ducks in a row legally so you have options when he starts demanding this or taking that. If he wants to come back, and you want him back, I think you have to set clear conditions and stick to them. Because otherwise it sounds like this is a pattern of behavior he will pull out anytime he feels stressed out.
If my partner unjustly accused me of cheating, I might be inclined to leave. Just saying.
I'm not saying his behavior is mature, just possibly understandable. Maybe he feels pushed into a corner and in a strange way, is trying to save face.
Do you have long standing reason to divorce him (other than "abandonment")? If not, perhaps mediation would be more productive than out-and-out divorce.
ETA: just read your other post in which you stated that you caught him cheating; please disregard my comments above if the cheating has been confirmed by evidence.
But if that is the case, I still would seek legal counsel. Him taking the car would alarm me, as it could be construed he’s looking to control assets and possessions you had while together when he may not be legally within his rights to do so. You don’t work. With him out fixing himself who is paying for the children’s needs, the household, etc.?
That is a really difficult place to be in, because you want to love and hold on tight, but he might need some space to figure things out.
Have you sought counseling?