Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
So I was in a relationship for one year with this guy. Last June, struggling with depression and a job I couldn't tolerate one more minute, we had I guess what you could call a blow out....and poof, he was gone. All the professions of getting old together, loving me inside and out....just switched off like a light. Left me a bit devastated to say the least. His coldness was extremely hurtful.
Fast forward, depression well controlled as a chemical imbalance. New job that I love. I'm in a really good place. Feel like a stronger, better version of myself. Would like a relationship, but finally starting to feel like I'll be just fine if it never happens.
Out of the blue the ex texted me a week and a half ago. I get the strong sense he is without a girl at the moment and very lonely. I responded in a very upbeat manner, letting him know I appreciate the time we had together but it clearly wasn't a relationship meant to endure the times. So he texts back, "are you living with your boyfriend?" Nothing like cutting to the chase. Trying to stay upbeat without giving away too much info, I simply respond "LOL. Take care. If you ever in _______, look me up." I really don't want to be mean to him. I thought this would send him a message....because he never is in ________.
Well, yesterday am, in comes another text. Do you think I could call you? I haven't responded. While I know within my heart and mind, he is not deserving of a second chance, I keep having these creeping thoughts that maybe I should talk to him. Who knows? Maybe he is remorseful. (Though I haven't seen any indications.) My friends all say stay away. But I'm 50 something and maybe we could make it work. Crazy, right? He's fun, hard-working, funny, smart. We know each other. I guess what I'm saying is it would be comfortable.
Someone talk some sense into me please. I don't want any setbacks. I've been struggling to get over a bad cold for the past two weeks and I'm moving in another two. Oh, and I think how helpful he could be during the move. (I know, selfish on my part.) It's like my mind knows what to do (stop contact) but my heart is on a different page.
Fast forward, depression well controlled as a chemical imbalance. New job that I love. I'm in a really good place. Feel like a stronger, better version of myself. Would like a relationship, but finally starting to feel like I'll be just fine if it never happens.
Out of the blue the ex texted me a week and a half ago. I get the strong sense he is without a girl at the moment and very lonely. I responded in a very upbeat manner, letting him know I appreciate the time we had together but it clearly wasn't a relationship meant to endure the times. So he texts back, "are you living with your boyfriend?" Nothing like cutting to the chase. Trying to stay upbeat without giving away too much info, I simply respond "LOL. Take care. If you ever in _______, look me up." I really don't want to be mean to him. I thought this would send him a message....because he never is in ________.
Well, yesterday am, in comes another text. Do you think I could call you? I haven't responded. While I know within my heart and mind, he is not deserving of a second chance, I keep having these creeping thoughts that maybe I should talk to him. Who knows? Maybe he is remorseful. (Though I haven't seen any indications.) My friends all say stay away. But I'm 50 something and maybe we could make it work. Crazy, right? He's fun, hard-working, funny, smart. We know each other. I guess what I'm saying is it would be comfortable.
Someone talk some sense into me please. I don't want any setbacks. I've been struggling to get over a bad cold for the past two weeks and I'm moving in another two. Oh, and I think how helpful he could be during the move. (I know, selfish on my part.) It's like my mind knows what to do (stop contact) but my heart is on a different page.
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Look at what my best friend did with my picture!
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We all have 24 hours in a day. How we spend these hours is important. Watching a little bit of a video about how sitting affects us made me aware of how much sitting and laying down I do. Gonna have to work on that.Your turn. Tell me another truth.
My take on the whole heart vs head thing: when we say our heart isn't caught up to our head, that's kind of a way to give ourselves permission to act foolishly.
If you decide to call him, just be honest with yourself about why you're calling him, what are your intentions and do it when you're not vulnerable, just so you go in clear minded and eyes wide open.
As someone who has never been married but had my share of relationships, I find "doing life" can be a whole lot easier with a partner. Two is always more productive than one. There's someone else to walk the dog when you're stuck at work. There's someone else to pick up dinner when you're tied up. Then, of course, there's someone to lean on when you're not running on all cyclinders (sick). Sounds selfish but it's reality.
Of course, all that has to be balanced against someone who callously broke my heart and left me stranded. I deserve a whole lot better than that.
Life has a way of working itself out. Being sick and super busy, I don't have a strong desire to talk to him atm. Thank goodness!
Anyway, I get you. I very rarely think someone is all rotten, you know. I think when you're with someone you love, even when they break your heart, there's still sometimes a longing, once the smoke clears and the edges soften.
Feel better!.
Thanks RMB, this little exchanged has helped to clear my thinking. After all, he is an ex. Think its best he stay that way.
I understand the temptation! Believe me I do!
I have given 2nd, third and forth chances to men who do not deserve it.
This man has shown you that when the going gets tough he is going to run away.
A true partner and a true love will stick with you and help you get through things.
You deserve that! A good partner!
I have a tendency to assume people will act age appropriate. I should know better by now.